May 2, 2008
Pushing back the frontiers of
Finally fessing up: "Most of us in news
are not smart enough to figure out what's going on. We may pretend that
we're good enough to do that. But in fact, when we look you in the eye, in
the camera, we're really just making it up." ---MSNBC anchor Keith Olbermann
The difference between a philanthropist
and a liberal is that a philanthropist is generous with his own
Meticulous Mary's Melodious
Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.
Everyone seems normal until you get to
Daddy, before you married Mom, who told
you how to drive?
A man walks into a bar and orders a
double. The bartender brings out a guy who looks just like him.
Scientists believe that radiation from
cell phones throws off bees' navigation system. You know, just like it does
to drivers on the highway
Serendipitous Sarah's Stupendous Sayings.................
May is International Twit Award Month
This is National Take your medicine week
May 6 is Sorry Charlie Day
May 6 is Check Your Batteries Day
May 6 is National Repot Your Plant Day
May 6 is Tartan Day
May 7 is National Workplace Napping Day
May 7 is No Housework Day
May 8 is All Is Ours Day [Not yours]
May 8 is International Feng Shui Awareness Day [I've so looked forward to
May 9 is Stories Day
May 9 is Yourself Day [Just like every other day]
May 10 is National Sibling Day
May 10 is Golfers Day [Take note - Bob H.]
Happy Hilda's Hilarious Headlines..................
YEAH, THAT'LL WORK: "Sex Offender Runs for Mayor, Hopes Voters Overlook
Arrest" -- Austin (Texas) American Statesman headline
What Would We Do Without Analyses?: "Analysis: Wright Does Obama Little
Good" ---Associated Press
Breaking News From 1981: "Palestinians: Carter Achieved Nothing"
Getting Metaphysical: "Clinton Claims Obscure Reality" ---National Post
How Do You Spell Relief?: "Clinton Issues Proposal to Relieve Gas Pain"
'Let's Just Disagree to Agree': "Water Groups Argue Over How to Cooperate"
---Daily Courier (Prescott, AZ)
News You Can Use: "Sorry to Ruin the Fun, but an Ice Age Cometh"
Always be sincere, even when you don't
Anybody who claims that marriage is a
fifty-fifty proposition doesn't know the first thing about women or
You cannot put plastic in the
dishwasher, metal in the microwave or utensils in the garbage disposal.
There are just so many rules in the kitchen that it's just safer to eat out
Saucy Suzi's Stipulations.................
The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered.
A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in France, resulted in Linoleum
You are stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.
Particular Paul's Puns............
Dissenter: The tallest man on the basketball team
OLD COMMITTEE MEMBERS never die, they are just disappointed.
On the menu of a New Orleans restaurant: "Blackened bluefish"
Obesity is really widespread.
If you're born again, can you vote twice?
Well, that is it for this week from your embedded reporter hiding
out between the Woodbine Beltway & the
City of Absurdia Beltway, right in the heart of
The Peoples Democratic Republic of Absurdistan
where our students find the easiest way to get ahead is to physically
assault their teachers at every opportunity whether in the classroom or on
city transit buses and our esteemed legislature plays on......
But, on the other hand.............