May 2, 2008

Pushing back the frontiers of ignorance...............

 
Finally fessing up: "Most of us in news are not smart enough to figure out what's going on.  We may pretend that we're good enough to do that.   But in fact, when we look you in the eye, in the camera, we're really just making it up." ---MSNBC anchor Keith Olbermann
 
The difference between a philanthropist and a liberal is that a philanthropist is generous with his own money............
Meticulous Mary's Melodious Mutterings................
 
Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.
 
Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.  
 
Daddy, before you married Mom, who told you how to drive?
 
A man walks into a bar and orders a double.   The bartender brings out a guy who looks just like him.  
 
Scientists believe that radiation from cell phones throws off bees' navigation system. You know, just like it does to drivers on the highway

Serendipitous Sarah's Stupendous Sayings.................
 
May is International Twit Award Month
 
This is National Take your medicine week
 
May 6 is Sorry Charlie Day
 
May 6 is Check Your Batteries Day
 
May 6 is National Repot Your Plant Day
 
May 6 is Tartan Day
 
May 7 is National Workplace Napping Day
 
May 7 is No Housework Day
 
May 8 is All Is Ours Day    [Not yours]
 
May 8 is International Feng Shui Awareness Day    [I've so looked forward to this day]
 
May 9 is Stories Day
 
May 9 is Yourself Day    [Just like every other day]
 
May 10 is National Sibling Day
 
May 10 is Golfers Day    [Take note - Bob H.]
Happy Hilda's Hilarious Headlines..................
 
YEAH, THAT'LL WORK: "Sex Offender Runs for Mayor, Hopes Voters Overlook Arrest" -- Austin (Texas) American Statesman headline
 
What Would We Do Without Analyses?: "Analysis: Wright Does Obama Little Good" ---Associated Press
 
Breaking News From 1981: "Palestinians: Carter Achieved Nothing" ---FoxNews.com
 
Getting Metaphysical: "Clinton Claims Obscure Reality" ---National Post (Canada)
 
How Do You Spell Relief?: "Clinton Issues Proposal to Relieve Gas Pain" ---TheStreet.com
 
'Let's Just Disagree to Agree': "Water Groups Argue Over How to Cooperate" ---Daily Courier (Prescott, AZ)
 
News You Can Use: "Sorry to Ruin the Fun, but an Ice Age Cometh" ---Australian ++  
Larry's Leavings.......................
 
Always be sincere, even when you don't mean it.
 
Anybody who claims that marriage is a fifty-fifty proposition doesn't know the first thing about women or fractions.
 
You cannot put plastic in the dishwasher, metal in the microwave or utensils in the garbage disposal.  There are just so many rules in the kitchen that it's just safer to eat out

Saucy Suzi's Stipulations.................
 
The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered.
 
A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in France, resulted in Linoleum Blownapart.
 
You are stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.

Particular Paul's Puns............
 
Dissenter: The tallest man on the basketball team
 
OLD COMMITTEE MEMBERS never die, they are just disappointed.
 
On the menu of a New Orleans restaurant: "Blackened bluefish"
 
Obesity is really widespread.
 
If you're born again, can you vote twice?
Well, that is it for this week from your embedded reporter hiding out between the Woodbine Beltway & the City of Absurdia Beltway, right in the heart of The Peoples Democratic Republic of Absurdistan where our students find the easiest way to get ahead is to physically assault their teachers at every opportunity whether in the classroom or on city transit buses and our esteemed legislature plays on......

But, on the other hand.............
 
Two things are hard on the heart... running up a hill, running down people.

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