May 23, 2008
Pushing back the frontiers of
A young John Kerry!
Obama told a Portland crowd over the weekend that Iran doesn't "pose a
serious threat to us" -- cluelessly arguing that "tiny countries" with small
defense budgets can't do us harm -- and then promptly flip-flopped the next
day, claiming, "I've made it clear for years that the threat from Iran is
"We can't drive our SUVs and eat as much
as we want and keep our homes on 72 degrees at all times... and then just
expect that other countries are going to say OK." ---Barack Obama thinks we
should all be good little communists!
Most of the great problems we face are
caused by politicians creating solutions to problems they created in the
first place." ---Walter Williams
Meticulous Mary's Marvelous Mutterings.........................
The journey of a thousand miles begins
with a broken fan belt and a flat tire.
The shortest distance between two
points... is usually under construction.
The union workers at the Federal Mint
went on strike today. They are demanding to make less money!
What did the blonde say when she saw the sign in front of the YMCA? "Look!
They spelled MACY'S wrong!"
You should not weigh more than your
Serendipitous Sarah's Silly Sayings.........................
May is More Than Just A Pretty Face Month
May 25 is . . National Tap Dance Day
May 26 is . . Grey Day
May 27 is . . Body Painting Arts Festival
May 27 is . . Great American Grump Out Day
May 28 is . . National Hamburger Day
May 28 is . . Slugs Return to Capistrano Day
May 29 is . . Hug Your Cat Day
May 29 is . . End Of The Middle Ages Day
May 30 is . . My Bucket's Got A Hole In It Day
May 30 is . . Loomis Day
May 31 is . . National Macaroon Day
Sleazy Suzi's Stupendous Stipulations......................
If you jump off a Paris bridge, you are in Seine.
When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.
Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.
Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.
Happy Hilda's Hilarious Headlines.........................
UNANSWERED PRAYERS: "Pray-In at San Francisco Gas Station Asks God to Lower
Prices" -- San Francisco (Calif.) Chronicle headline
We Blame Global Warming: "ICE Halts Trading for Three Hours" ---Financial
A Whole New Kind of Politics!: "Obama Warns Seniors on Social Security"
They're Losing Too Many Patients to the Mayo Clinic: "Sandwich Rehab
Hospital Cuts Jobs" ---Cape Cod Times (Hyannis, MA)
News for Pessimists: "School Half Empty Despite Arrests in Bomb Threat"
---Naperville (IL) Sun
"Avoid Traffic: Take a Helicopter to the Hamptons" ---New York Sun
"Price of Cocaine Much Lower Than in '80s" ---San Diego Union-Tribune
Laconic Larry's Leavings...........................
Man is incomplete until he marries. After that, he is finished.
If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you
say, talk in your sleep.
If you donít want your husband to be a male chauvinist pig, then, do what
Frantic Freddie's Freaky Factoids...................
More people are killed by donkeys annually than are killed in plane crashes.
More people are killed each year by coconuts than sharks. Approximately 150
people are killed each year by coconuts.
You are more likely to be killed by a champagne cork than by a poisonous
Fleas have the distinction of killing more people than all the wars man has
Beverley's Actual Books You Should Read...................
Pernicious Pork; or, Astounding Revelations of the Evil Effects of Eating
Swine Flesh; 1903
Thirty-six Reasons for Believing in Everlasting Punishment; 1887
1587. A Year of No Importance; n.p.
Life and Laughter 'midst the Cannibals; 1926
Dotty Darla's "Did You Know's"..........................
Did you know that the Live Earth concert to "save the planet" released more
Co2 into the atmosphere than every SUV in America?
Perhaps you wanted a pun, or two........................
Mr. Combs had a furniture store specializing in ornate antiques in the
baroque style. He had walking pneumonia last month but was at the store
anyway. He was in one of the baroque style chairs rubbing Vicks Vaporub on
his aching chest when he serendipitously discovered that the soothing
ointment gave the furniture a wonderful, deep, rich shine. He immediately
told the other furniture store owners since their furniture was more modern
in style and they were not competitors. Soon he got reports that the Vicks
treatment not only failed to work on the modern furniture, but ruined some
of it. Mr. Combs is very unpopular now, and his only consolation is that he
learned one important rule: If it's not baroque, don't Vicks it.
An argument over puppy selection is a pique of the litter.
Well, that's it for this week from your embedded reporter, hiding
between the Lisbon Beltway and the Absurdia, the principal city of The
Peoples Democratic Republic of Absurdistan.
But, on the other hand.............................
Nothing lowers the level of conversation more than
raising the voice.