June 6, 2008

Pushing back the frontiers of ignorance..................

 
If McCain or Obama are the answer, it must have been an extremely stupid question!
 
If the House of Representatives has now declared it 'illegal' for the government of Saudi Arabia to restrict oil production, why is it still legal for the government of the United States to restrict oil production?

Miss Mary's Marvelous Mutterings..........................
 
You can fool some of the people all the time, and those are  the ones you want to concentrate on
 
Neutrons have mass? I didn't know they were Catholic
 
A candidate is someone who gets money from the rich and votes from the poor to protect them from each other
 
I guess what I like most about being sarcastic is the knowledge that, even if people don't understand my sarcasm, at least I'm helping them feel better about their lives.

Silly Sarah's Syrupy Sayings..............................
 
June is "Can you spot Sarah pitching in a softball game?" Month
 
June is also National Accordion Awareness Month
 
June 8 is . . . . . Name Your Poison Day
 
June 9 is . . . . . Donald Duck Day    [and we can't celebrate too much]
 
June 10 is . . . . National Yo-Yo Day    [who you callin' yo-yo?]
 
June 10 is . . . . Iced Tea Day
 
June 11 is . . . . King Kamehameha Day    [For us Hawaii lovers]
 
June 11 is . . . . National Hug Holiday    
 
June 12 is . . . . Machine Day
 
June 13 is . . . . National Juggling Day 
 
June 13 is . . . . Kitchen Klutzes Of America Day
 
June 13 is . . . . Blame Someone Else Day     [I celebrate this day almost every day]
 
June 13 is . . . . Sewing Machine Day
 
June 14 is . . . . Pop Goes The Weasel Day    [Who you callin' a weasel?]
Scrumptious Suzi's Serendipitous Scripts..............
 
The butcher backed up into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.
 
To write with a broken pencil is pointless.
 
When fish are in schools they sometimes take debate.
 
The short fortune teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
Happy Hilda's Hilarious Headlines..........................
 
THE FINE FOR THAT WILL SURELY COST HIM AN ARM AND A...: "Port St. Lucie Man Accused of Ripping Wife's Prosthetic Leg off During Fight" -- Port St. Lucie (Florida) News
 
Breaking News From 1945: "Defensive Errors Cost Germany Victory" ---CNN.com
 
Dan Rather to Emerge From Retirement?: "CBSSports.com to Launch Fantasy News Site" ---SportsBusiness Journal
 
To Be Titled, 'Nothing Happened. No, Really!': "Craig to Pen Book Detailing Bathroom Incident at Airport" ---FoxNews.com
 
It's Always in the Last Place You Look: "Man's Body Found in Uptown Cemetery" ---Dallas Morning News
 
Doesn't He Have a 'Woman Urge' Everywhere?: "Women Urge on Clinton at SD Diner" ---Washington Post Web site
Lucky Larry's Leavings........................
 
Whether a man winds up with a nest egg or a goose egg, depends on the kind of chick he marries.
 
When a man marries a woman, they become one but the trouble starts when they try to decide which one.
 
I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes, you vacuum the carpet, and six months later you have to start all over again
Particular Pauline's Perilous Puns........................
 
Cabbage should be eaten raw.  In fact that's Cole's Law.
 
Did you hear about the guy who took a course at a college on making nativity scenes? It was a crèche course.
 
Did jeer about the veterinarian who was barred from performing any surgery because he suffered from bouts of epilepsy? The cops busted him for attempting to operate on a sick predatory bird but the case was thrown out on a technicality. It was an ill eagle surgeon seizure. 
 
And a bonus round...................
 
"Obama is expected to clinch the majority of the delegates, but there are delegates, super delegates, pledged delegates, Lemon-Pledge delegates and, of course, the farmer and the delegates

And a couple of Freaky Factoids for the weekend.....
 
The animal responsible for the most human deaths worldwide is the mosquito.
 
A hundred years ago, the average life expectancy in the United States was forty-seven.
 
Today, only one in two billion people will live to be 116 or older.

That's about it this week from your embedded reporter lurking between the Lisbon Beltway and the Absurdia Beltway located in the Peoples Democratic Republic of Absurdistan where the newly adopted state motto is "The eyes of taxes are upon you!"

But, on the other hand...............
 
Yesterday is history, tomorrow's a mystery. Today is a gift; that's why they call it the present.

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