June 27, 2008

Pushing back the frontiers of ignorance.....................

 
When the Democrats took over Congress, gasoline was $2.50 a gallon.  It is now over $4.00.  I think we should refer to the difference as the Pelosi Premium!
 
With its recent story naming a CIA analyst who interrogated Khalid Sheikh Mohammed, The New York Times has once again undermined our safety and put Americans at risk
Marvelous Mary's Meritorious Mutterings...................
 
You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen. It said, "Parking Fine."' So that was nice.
 
My psychiatrist says I'm manic-depressive - I have mixed feelings about that.
 
I don't suffer from stress. I'm a carrier.
 
Someday we'll look back on all this... and plow into a parked car.
 
The most famous inventor is an Irishman called Pat Pending.

Sappy Sarah's Specific Sayings............................
 
June is still National Papaya Month
 
But July is National Hot Dog Month
 
This is Be Nice To New Jersey Week
 
June 29 is . . . . Camera Day    [So snap a few!]
 
June 29 is . . . . Waffle Iron Day
 
June 30 is . . . . Meteor Day
 
July 1 is . . . . . Build A Scarecrow Day

July 2 is . . . . . I Forgot Day    [And you know who you are]

July 3 is . . . . . Chimborazo Day

July 3 is . . . . . Air Conditioning Appreciation Day    [Oh YES!]

July 3 is . . . . . Compliment Your Mirror Day

July 4 is . . . . . National Country Music Day

July 4 is . . . . . Tom Sawyer Fence-Painting Day

July 4 is . . . . . National Tailors Day
 
June 5 is . . . . . Festival Of Popular Delusions Day  [One of my favorites!]

July 5 is . . . . . Apple Computer Day    [Just for Harry the H.]

July 5 is . . . . . Workaholics Day

July 6 is . . . . . National Fried Chicken Day    [Hooray!]

July 6 is . . . . . Donut Day    [And, another hooray!

July 6 is . . . . . Take Your Webmaster to Lunch Day

Happy Hilda's Hilarious Real Headlines......................
 
THERE'S ALWAYS A CATCH: "Don't like Your Lawyer? Slugging Him Won't Help" -- St. Paul (Minn.) Pioneer Press headline
 
We Blame George W. Bush  "Gerbil's Escape From Cage Blamed for Accident" ---Associated Press
 
Thumbs Down on 'An Inconvenient Truth': "Gratuitous Gore Sells, but It's Bad Filmmaking" ---Deseret News (Salt Lake City)
 
And They Said the Surge Wouldn't Work: "Jobless Claims Decline by 5,000 Following Surge" ---Associated Press
 
And if It Is, He's in Big Trouble: "Iowa Flooding Could Be Man's Fault, Experts Say" ---MSNBC.com
 
Help Wanted: "Police Seek Trash Picker" ---Grand Rapids (MI) Press
Lucky Larry's Leavings.................................
 
What's the fastest way to a man's heart?   Through his chest with a sharp knife.
 
What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?   After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.
 
Why is there no Disneyland in Japan ?  No one's tall enough to go on the good rides

Pontifical Pauline's Perilous Puns............................
 
Artifacts are a portion of an American-Indian reservation's economy.
 
One enterprising Indian was able to outsell his competitors in the sale of wooden dolls by selling them at only a fraction of the cost others had to charge. On examination of his dolls they found that where traditionally hard wood was used, this Indian would use cheap pine on which he glued thin pieces of fine mahogany, thus being able to produce the dolls at only a fraction of the cost.  
 
While he claimed his dolls were still authentic, his competitors complained that it was only a cheap Sioux Veneer.  
 
And a bonus or two.......................

He avoided funerals because he was not a mourning person.

What do you call it when people put names on the back of sports shirts?    Clothes Captioning

What's a Metaphor?  A place to raise sheep..............................
 
Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.  
 
His thoughts tumbled around inside his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free. 
 
She grew on him like she was a colony of E. Coli, and he was room-temperature Canadian beef.  
 
She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like the sound a dog makes just before it throws up.  
 
Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.  

That's enough from your embedded reporter for this week, trying to find cheaper gas because we won't drill for it, lurking around the Lisbon Beltway, just a stone's throw from Absurdia, the principle city of The Peoples Democratic Republic of Absurdistan.  And, according to our Boy Governor, every thing bad is ex-Gov.Erlich's fault........

But on the other hand...................
 
In view of the upcoming 4th of July - "Those who hammer their guns into plows will plow for those who do not." ~ Thomas Jefferson~

And some parting thoughts on our "changed" America
 
Food for Thought --- water for the Thirsty ..........

Where are all of the Hollywood celebrities holding telethons asking for help in restoring Iowa and helping the folks affected by the floods?

Where is all the media asking the tough questions about why the federal government hasn't solved the problem?   Asking where the FEMA trucks (and trailers) are?

Why isn't the Federal Government relocating Iowa people to free hotels in Chicago? 

When will Spike Lee say that the Federal Government blew up the levees that failed in Des Moines? 

Where are Sean Penn and the Dixie Chicks?
 
Where are all the looters stealing high-end tennis shoes and big screen television sets?
 
When will we hear Governor Chet Culver say that he wants to rebuild a 'vanilla' Iowa, because that's the way God wants it?

Where is the hysterical 24/7 media coverage complete with reports of cannibalism?

Are the people declaring that George Bush hates white, rural people?

How come in 2 weeks, you will never hear about the Iowa flooding ever again?

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