July 4, 2008

Pushing back the frontiers of ignorance.............

 
Hillary's campaign is over $20 million in debt. Ironically, her big issue? 'I can handle the economy'
 
Federal government employees who opted out of Social Security and have their money invested in the Thrift Savings Plan [TSP], which allows money to be invested in the stock market,” Rice says. “Under TSP, federal employees receive $4,500 per month, compared to $1,300 per month for Social Security

Muddy Mary's Melodious Mutterings..................
 
When I was a kid, we walked 10 miles to school every day, sometimes in the rain or snow. Man, did we feel stupid when we found out there was a bus.
 
OK, so what's the speed of dark?
 
Psychiatry enables us to correct our faults by confessing our parent's shortcomings
 
A young Texan walks into a bar and orders a drink. "Got any ID?" asks the bartender. The Texan replies, "Bout what?"
 
Q. Why don't men have mid-life crises?  A. They stay stuck in adolescence.
Sappy Sarah's Salacious Sayings.......................
 
July is National Ice Cream Month - AGAIN!
 
Be Nice To New Jersey Week    [Their political leaders need it!]
 
July 6 is . . . . . National Fried Chicken Day

July 6 is . . . . . Donut Day

July 6 is . . . . . Take Your Webmaster to Lunch Day

July 7 is . . . . . Chocolate Day

July 7 is . . . . . National Trails Day
 
July 7 is . . . . . National Strawberry Sundae Day

July 8 is . . . . . Video Games Day    [Don't tell your kids!]

July 8 is . . . . . The day of the Flying Saucer crash in Roswell, New Mexico
 
July 8 is . . . . . Upsy Daisy Day
July 8 is . . . . . is Name Your Poison Day

July 9 is . . . . . National Sugar Cookie Day

July 10 is . . . . .Teddy Bear Picnic Day

July 10 is . . . . .Don't Step On A Bee Day

July 10 is . . . . .National Taco Day

July 11 is . . . . .National Yo-Yo Day  

July 11 is . . . . .National Cheer Up The Lonely Day

July 11 is . . . . .Different Colored Eyes Day

July 12 is . . . . .National Pecan Pie Day
Happy Hilda's Hilarious Headlines.....................
 
POLLY WANTS A TAXI: "Lost Parrot Tells Veterinarian His Address" -- AP headline

News You Can Use: "Locked Door Thwarts Robber" ---Press-Register (Mobile, AL)
 
"Not Feeling Well? You May Be Allergic to Your Job" ---Chicago Tribune 
 
"Gore Says Undecided on U.S. Candidate Endorsement" ---Reuters   "Palestinians Express Outrage" ---News24.com
 
"Man Finds Check From 1971 After Arkansas Tornadoes" ---Associated Press 
 
"Arabs Not Celebrating Israel's 60th Birthday" ---MSNBC.com 
Saucy Suzi's Better Bumper Stickers..............
 
Bumper Stickers: Eat Right, Exercise, Die Anyway.
 
Never play leap frog with a unicorn.
 
Nobody's ugly after 2 a.m.
 
I need someone really bad. Are you really bad?
 
Smile.  It's the second best thing you can do with your lips.

Lucky Larry's Leavings and Book Titles...............
 
The Secret of Sphincters
 
Innovation and the Rise of the Tunneling Industry
 
Drying Flowers with a Microwave
 
Foundry Work for the Amateur
 
Versailles - The View from Sweden

Pauline's Independence Day Puns...............
 
What kind of tea did the American colonists thirst for?  Liberty!

What was General Washington's favorite tree?   The infantry!

What protest by a group of dogs occurred in 1773?   The Boston Flea Party!

What happened as a result of the Stamp Act?  The Americans licked the British!

How is a healthy person like the United States?  They both have good constitutions!

What quacks, has webbed feet, and betrays his country?  Beneduck Arnold!

What's big, cracked, and carries your luggage?  The Liberty Bellhop!

What ghost haunted King George III?  The spirit of '76!

Did you hear about the cartoonist in the Continental Army?  He was a Yankee doodler!

Why did Paul Revere ride his horse from Boston to Lexington?
Because the horse was too heavy to carry!

What would you get if you crossed a patriot with a small curly-haired  dog?  Yankee Poodle!

Did you hear the one about the Liberty Bell?  Yeah, it cracked me up!

What did one flag say to the other flag?  Nothing. It just waved!

What dance was very popular in 1776?  Indepen-dance!

What march would you play at a jungle parade?  "Tarzan Stripes Forever"!

Why is the Liberty Bell like a dropped Easter egg?  Because they're both cracked!

What was the craziest battle of the Revolutionary War?  The Battle of Bonkers Hill.

This weeks Friday's Musings is a little late in that the intrepid reporter has just returned from his high school reunion.  What a class!  Unfortunately, the reporter is the only one who moved to Absurdistan.................
But, on the other hand...........
 
God doesn't call the qualified, He qualifies the called.

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