July 18, 2008

Pushing back the frontiers of ignorance................

Enlightenment from "The View""    Syria is an amazing country. It is not at all what I expected... I've never felt safer."  - Barbara Walters of ABC's on her trip to Syria.  "So where does this misconception come from that Syria's an issue?"
Whoopi Goldberg (of all people) said to Barbara Walters "Well, first of all the country is on our terrorist list. They are against the war in Iraq.   And they are neighbors and friends of Iran.   And they are friendly with both Hamas and Hezbollah who are two groups that we consider unfriendly groups [truth in labeling: terrorists] in Israel.  They have also been accused of allowing people and terrorists to cross the border into Iraq. They say they do not do that and they haven't and they've really cut down on it."
Barbara Walters **Well, other than THAT...

Marvelous Mary's Melodic Mutterings.......................
I live in my own little world but it's OK, everyone knows me here.
TEAMWORK - means never having to take all the blame yourself.
The beatings will continue until morale improves.
Is it OK if I bite the hand that *doesn't* feed me?
Girls just want to have funds

Serendipitous Sarah's Salacious Sayings...................
July is National Baked Beans Month
This is National Cheese Week    [With a nod to my Cheesehead friends!]
July 20 is . . . . . Ugly Truck Contest Day

July 20 is . . . . . National Ice Cream Day

July 20 is . . . . . Take Your Dog To Work Day

July 20 is . . . . . Toad Hollow Day of Thank You

July 21 is . . . . . Baby Boomer's Recognition Day    [And you know who you are]

July 21 is . . . . . National Junk Food Day    [This should happen every week!]

June 21 is . . . . . Cuckoo Warning Day  

July 21 is . . . . . Vegan World Day

July 21 is . . . . . National Tug-Of-War Tournament Day

July 22 is . . . . . Ratcatcher's Day    [I look forward to this day every year]

July 23 is . . . . . Hot Enough For Ya Day

July 23 is . . . . . Let It Go Day   

July 23 is . . . . . National Vanilla Ice Cream Day

July 24 is . . . . . Amelia Earhart Day    [I found her luggage!]

July 24 is . . . . . Virtual Love Day   

July 24 is . . . . . National Columnists Day

June 25 is . . . . .Log Cabin Day    [Good old Abe!]

July 25 is . . . . .Threading The Needle Day

July 26 is . . . . .All Or Nothing Day    [That's my motto]

Happy Hilda's Hilarious Headlines.....................
AND STAY OFF MY LAWN, PUNKS! "Cat-Eating Students Shooed off Facebook" Copenhagen (Denmark) Post headline
Breaking News From 1864: "Yankees Raid Atlanta's Cheap
Housing, Spurn Pizza" ---Bloomberg
Gasoline Is So Expensive, They're Resorting to Pedal-By Shootings: "Two Alleged Gang Members Shot by Bicyclist on Northwest Side" ---Chicago Sun-Times
French 'News' Service Calls Terrorists 'Rebels': "US Ex-Hostage Calls FARC Rebels 'Terrorists"' ---Agence France-Presse
Everything Seemingly Is Spinning Out of Control:
"Naked Man Hijacks Bus" - Las Vegas Review-Journal 
"Bad Economy Hurting Strippers, Too" - Associated Press  "Cow Burps Help Argentines Study Climate Change" - Reuters 
"Cow Farts Collected in Plastic Tank for Global Warming Study" - Daily Telegraph (London)  
"Six-Year-Old Hit by Flying Sofa" - Local (Berlin)    
"Seattle-Area Children Falling From Windows With Alarming Frequency" - Seattle Times
Pitiful Paul's Particular Puns..............
Robin Hood and his merry men were in Sherwood Forest one night celebrating, and imbibing. They all became inebriated, and then Friar Tuck began to sing. He became louder with each drink. Robin Hood, fearing that the Sheriff of Nottingham might hear the band, dragged the Friar deep into the woods. He then tucked him into the river, but the song lingered on. The moral of the story? You can lead a drunk to water but you can't make him hoarse.
Would a Mormon working for the Postal Service be a Letter Day Saint? 
And a bonus roundelay
There was a young girl from Uganda,
Renowned for her coolness and candor.
When, during abuse,
Someone said, "You goose!"
She quickly retorted, "Uganda!"
Lucky Larry's Leavings..................
Married life is very frustrating. In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.
When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: Either the car is new or the wife is.
Marriage is when a man and woman become as one; the trouble starts when they try to decide which one.

Bumper Stickers seen in Absurdistan.................
Don't laugh. Your daughter could be in this vehicle.
Friends don't let friends drive naked.
There's one in every crowd and they always find me.
If money could talk, it would say goodbye.
That's entirely enough from your embedded reporter lurking just outside of the "Fastest Shrinking City in America," (It's official, found in the Wall Street Journal's front page) located in the heart of Absurdistan where our school children quit in 7th grade and go have more children that will do the same thing..........

But, on the other hand.........
God wants spiritual fruit, not religious nuts.

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