Federal government employees who opted out of Social
Security and have their money invested in the Thrift Savings Plan
[TSP], which allows money to be invested in the stock market,” Rice
says. “Under TSP, federal employees receive $4,500 per month,
compared to $1,300 per month for Social Security.”
Why has no one in the media made any mention of John
Edwards affair with an aide and the resulting child. Talk about two
Meticulous Mary's Melodic
I searched for the bluebird of happiness, but all I found was the
chicken of despair."
On the sixth day, God created the platypus. And God said, "Let's
see the evolutionists try and figure this one out."
Q. Why are New Yorkers so depressed? A. The light at the end of
their tunnel is New Jersey.
If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten.
Yankee slugger Alex Rodriguez and his wife Cynthia filed for
divorce. And because New York is a community property state, Cynthia
could end up with 268 career home runs
Solicitous Sarah's Salacious Sayings.......................
August is . . . . National Catfish Month
This is Don't Wait! Celebrate! Week
This is also Weird Contest Week
August 10 is...Lazy Day
August 10 is...National Underwear Day
August 10 is...National Duran Duran Appreciation Day
August 11 is...Spoil Your Dog Day
August 12 is...Middle Child's Day
August 13 is...Blame Someone Else Day [Blame the middle child?]
August 14 is...National Creamsicle Day
August 15 is...National Relaxation Day
August 15 is...National Failures Day The reason you failed is
that you also relaxed]
August 15 is...National Relaxation Day
August 16 is...Bratwurst Festival
August 16 is...Joe Miller's Joke Day
August 16 is...Vinegar Day
Happy Hilda's Hilarious
IF ONLY SOMEONE HAD...: "Fire Destroys Truck Full of Extinguishers"
-Lancaster (Penn.) Intelligencer Journal headline
Breaking News From 2009: "President Obama Continues Hectic Victory
Tour" -The Washington Post
Why President Obama's Likely to Have a Tough Four Years" -NJ.com
Finding Happiness in Unexpected Places: "Ecstasy Reported in Spare
Tire on Ambassador Bridge" -Detroit Free Press
And the Clerks Are Stuck Cleaning It Up: "Whole Foods Case
Overturned by Appeals Court" -Austin American - Statesman Web site
We Hope the Bear Was Wearing a Helmet: "Man Hits Bear on Motorcycle"
- Associated Press
Everything Seemingly Is Spinning Out of Control:
"Wind Blows Semitrailer Into Ditch, Killing Turkeys" Plainsman
"Earthquake Forces Judge Judy Into Recess" -Broadcasting & Cable
News You Can Use: "Don't Streak, Get Drunk or Sleep Outside"
"Enjoy Beer---and Life Will Be Good" - UA.com
Bottom Story of the Day: "Rosie O'Donnell Is Taking a Break From
Perilous Paul's Pernicious Puns.......................
During the Revolutionary War, there was a small encampment of
patriots in the woods. They went to bed one night with a bunch of
chickens they were saving for a special meal in a nearby coop. That
night, some British soldiers came stumbling through the woods and
frightened the chickens. Their screams and clucks woke the Patriots
and they were able to defeat and capture the entire group of
Redcoats. A few nights later, the cook prepared the chickens for
dinner. One of the soldiers said, "This is a really good dish. What
do you call it?" "Chicken Catch a Tory.
Nudity: What a sailor may sing when he grows weary of his old
She was only a chimney sweep's daughter, but she soots me fine.
What is the definition of "Endless Love"? Stevie Wonder and Ray
Charles playing tennis.
When a girl finds she isn't the only pebble on the beach, she
usually becomes a little boulder.
Lucky Larry's Leavings............................
Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals
dying of nothing.
Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.
Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a
substantial tax cut saves you thirty cents?
In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world
is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come
to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first.
That's it for this week from your embedded reporter here in The
People's Democratic Republic of Absurdistan where the child-like
Governor's favorite judge (who has had every major decision
overturned by the higher courts) has been elevated to those very
But, on the other hand.......................