August 22, 2008
Pushing back the frontiers of
Since Congress went on recess, oil
prices have dropped to $118 a barrel. That's, like, a $30 drop from the
record high. You know, maybe Congress should take more vacations, huh?
You ever notice, whenever these people leave town, things just seem to
Remember all the "stuff" about
the Kyoto Treaty and how if we would just sign it and lower our
level of civilization to that of a Islamic Republic that all would
be "peachy?" Liberals called us all names and accused us of being
"ignorant?" Did you know that China was intentually given a pass on
instituting the treaty? Ask anyone who has been to China for the
Olympics who is really the main polluter of our planet. And that is
after they practically shut down all their manufacturing and auto
use for the 14 days of the Olympics. Maybe Obama could sent them a
bunch of tire gauges.
Meticulous Mary's Merry Meanderings........................
My last wife was one of them women's libbers. She
got mad 'cause I opened the car door for her. Of course, we were
going 75 mph when I did it."
Be alert...the world needs more lerts
A word to the wise isnít necessary. It's the stupid
ones who need the advice
There are no stupid questions. Just stupid people.
Q: What's worse than a male chauvinist pig? A: A
feminist who won't do what she's told!
Silly Sarah's Sadistic
This is National Fruit Month
This is Be Kind To Humankind Week
[And that means me!]
August 24 is...Knife Day
August 25 is...Kiss-And-Make-Up Day
August 26 is...National Cherry Popsicle
August 27 is..."The Duchess" Who Wasn't
August 27 is...Petroleum Day
August 28 is...World Sauntering Day
[Are you sauntering enough?]
August 28 is...Emancipation Dream Day Free your dreams?]
August 28 is...Race Your Mouse Around
The Icons Day
August 29 is...More Herbs, Less Salt Day
August 29 is...Banana Split Day
invented- Latrobe PA 1904
August 30 is...National Toasted
Happy Hilda's Hilarious Headlines.......................
"The Soft Bigotry of Low Expectations": "Cindy Sheehan Qualifies to Run for
Pelosi's Seat" -Associated Press
Help Wanted: "Police Seek Elderly Man Who Speaks No English" -Atlanta
Everything Seemingly Is Spinning Out of Control:
"Hunters Claim to Have Found Bigfoot, Internet Goes Nuts" -CNet.com
"Pet Monkey Finds Escape Route, Runs Free in Indiana Neighborhood" -Star
Press (Muncie, IN)
"Cinderella, Snow White, Tinkerbell Arrested at Disneyland" ---NewsMax.com
News You Can Use: "For Most People, College Is a Waste of Time" ---The Wall
"Ralph Nader Greets 150 Supporters in Toronto" - National Post (Canada)
"S.F. Democrats Take a Sharp Turn to the Left" -San Francisco Chronicle
News You Can Use: "Nuclear Explosions Could Be Key to Spotting Fake
Lucky Larry's Litigious
Reasons alcohol should be served
It's an incentive to show up.
It leads to more honest communications.
It reduces complaints about low pay.
Employees tell management what they think, not what management wants to
It encourages car pooling.
Actual Published Book
Mated With A Clown; 1884
Our Lady of the Potatoes; 1995
The Joy of the Upright Man; 1619
My Invisible Friend Explains the Bible;
Follow Your Broken Nose; 1950
YOU are SO ugly that:
You're so ugly, when you walk into the bank they turn off the cameras.
If ugliness were bricks, you would be the Great Wall Of China.
You're so ugly, you went to a haunted house and came out with an
If ugliness was a crime, you'd get the electric chair.
You were so ugly at birth, your parents named you Shit Happens.
T-Shirts spotted around Woodbine...........
I went t-shirt shopping and all I got was this lousy t-shirt.
Warning: I have an attitude and I know how to use it!
Beer: It's not just for breakfast anymore!
Remember my name. You'll be screaming it later.
Of course I don't look busy. I did it right the first time!
Pretty Pauline's Perilous Puns............
A movie fanatic had a pet parakeet. Because the bird was an utter wimp, and
the man had a perverse sense of humor, he named the parakeet "Falcon." The
man was also a bit of a sadist. He kept the birdcage on the sill of his
first-floor-front window, and the local kids all stopped by to make fun of
this poor bird. Every day at 3 when school let out, the kids came by and
stopped to growl, yell, and otherwise scare the poor thing. One day just
before 3 a friend stopped by to the movie fanatic's house and said, "The
Cinema Art is showing CASABLANCA. Wanna go?" "No thanks," he replied. "I'd
rather stay home and watch them all tease Falcon
Upon removing his boots at Waterloo, Napoleon could smell de feet
Nostalgia is like a grammar lesson: you find the present tense, but the past
Would a Mormon working for the Postal Service be a Letter Day Saint?
Lovely Lenora's Lexaphile Listings...................
Coffee (n.), a person who is coughed upon.
Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.
Flatulence (n.) the emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run
over by a steamroller.
Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.
Pokemon (n), A Jamaican proctologist.
I'm pushing the edge of civility so that's enough for this week from
your embedded reporter hiding in the outskirts of Absurdia, the principle
city of The People's Democratic Republic of Absurdistan.
But, on the other hand................
A day doesn't come with a reset button