August 30, 2008

Pushing back the frontiers of ignorance..........

 
Well, the Democratic Convention proved it's moral agenda.  John Edwards was banned from making his speech because he had an affair and lied about it.   He was replaced with Bill Clinton!
 
Obama wants to give your tax money to foreign governments to improve their standard of living.  His brother lives in a hut with no electricity or water on about $2 a month.  Obama made 4 million dollars last year.  Wouldn't you think he would send a few bucks to his brother so he could buy a boloney sandwich?
 
And congratulations on picking Slow Joe Biden as VP!  He is known among his colleagues as the dumbest man in the Senate!

Meritorious Mary's Meticulous Mutterings.............
 
South Africa took three gold medals this morning in Beijing.... Security caught them at the gate
 
I just got a copy of "People's 100 Most Beautiful Women". I have searched cover to cover, and I still can't find the order form.
 
Visa is everywhere you want to be, except out of debt.
 
There are more important things in life than money. The trouble is, they all cost money.
 
If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball ...and saving an infant's life, she will choose to save the infant's life without even considering if there is a man on base

Silly Sarah's Stupendous Sayings...........
 
September is... National Bed Check Month  
 
This is National Play Days Week
 
August 30 is...National Toasted Marshmallow Day 
 
August 31 is...National Trail Mix Day  
 
August 31 is...Love Litigating Lawyers Day
 
September 1 is... Emma M. Nutt Day  
 
September 2 is... National Beheading Day  
 
September 2 is...Another Look Unlimited Day
 
September 2 is...Bison-Ten-Yell (Bicentennial?) Day
 
September 3 is...Skyscraper Day
 
September 4 is...Do It! Day (aka Fight Procrastination)
 
September 5 is...Be Late For Something Day  
 
September 5 is...Newspaper Carrier Day
 
September 6 is...Fight Procrastination Day   [I'll probably celebrate tomorrow]

Happy Hilda's Hilarious Headlines...............
 
We Blame Global Warming: "Sales of Thermal Underwear Soar in Dismal Summer" -Daily Telegraph (London)
 
Look Out Below!: "Lead Wheel Weights to Be Dropped in California by End of 2009" -Los Angeles Times Web site
 
News of the Tautological: "Berkeley Tree-Sitters Still Refuse to Leave" -San Francisco Chronicle
 
Help Wanted: "New York City Agrees to Pay Protesters $2 Million" -Reuters
 
Everything Seemingly Is Spinning Out of Control:
"Fla. Deputies Taser Plop-Plop the Unruly Emu" -Associated Press
"Global Warming Pushes Peru to Pick Coffee Earlier" -Reuters 
"U.S. Amish Population Surges and Spreads: Study" ---Reuters
 
News You Can Use: "Beware of the Left-Wing Liberals" -Baxter Bulletin (Mountain Home, AR)
 
"Stats show teen drinking reduces after the age of 20" Hey Dummy - reduction is 100% --- London Times
 
"Extra Cash Is Always Good Thing" ---Altoona (PA) Mirror
Perilous Pauline's Pretentious Puns................
 
The Italian government is considering installing a clock in the Leaning Tower of Pisa. The reason? What good is it to have the inclination if you don't have the time?
 
During a hike with my friend I noticed a black bird roosting  in a nearby tree. "I've always wondered what the difference is between a crow and a raven," I said.   "You have to count the pinion feathers on the wings," my friend explained. "If there are four, it's a crow. If it's five, it's a raven."   "Really?" I said, although I knew he didn't have a clue what he was talking about.   "Oh yes," he replied, "the difference is just a matter of a pinion."  
 
You know sometimes I get the sudden urge to run around naked. But then I just drink some Windex. It keeps me from streaking.
T-Shirts seen around Woodbine...................

I don't believe in miracles, I rely on them.
 
I'm not easy, but we can discuss it.
 
Next mood swing only minutes away.
 
I was schizophrenic, but we're OK now.
 
What would Scooby do?
Actual published books I haven't read............
 
The Great Pantyhose Crafts Book; 1982  
 
Pernicious Pork; or, Astounding Revelations of the Evil Effects of Eating Swine Flesh; 1903  
 
Thirty-six Reasons for Believing in Everlasting Punishment; 1887  
 
1587. A Year of No Importance; n.p.  
 
Life and Laughter 'midst the Cannibals; 1926  
What's a mad metaphor for..................
 
The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.  
 
From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30.  
 
Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.  
 
Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling west at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. traveling east at a speed of 35 mph.  
Medical Music Titles for My Grandson in Med School....
 
I'll be Sewing You.
 
Red Cells in the Sunset.

It's Spleen a Long, Long Time.

It Had to Be Flu.
 
On the Bonny Banks of Glaucoma.
 
Gonna Take a Sentimental Gurney.

That's enough from your embedded reporter, lurking in the outskirts of Absurdia, the principle city of The Peoples Democratic Republic of Absurdistan where we are making slot machines and their location a part of our state constitution!

But, on the other hand.................
 
You can't build a reputation on what you are going to do.
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