September 12, 2008

Pushing back the frontiers of ignorance.................

 
Obama's first big decision after being nominated was to choose "Slow Joe" Biden for VP.  Now, even "Slow Joe" publicly admitted that he was not the best choice! 
 
Biden reminds me of Harry Reid - Harry Reid is the poisoned well that never stops giving!
 
Last night Elton John held a fundraiser for Hillary Clinton. All his hits except for "The Bitch is Back!"

Miss Mary's Miraculous Mutterings.....................
 
Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life
 
Just when I was getting used to yesterday, along came today.
 
There are rumors coming out of North Korea that Kim Jong Il may be dead. If thatís true, North Korea will now be ruled by Kim Jong Ilís brother, Ment-ally Il !

There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead.
 
Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.
 
Strident Sarah's Serendipitous Sayings....................
 
September is Go Wild During California Wild Rice Month
 
This is National Love Your Files Week
 
September 14 is...National Cream-filled Donut Day    [Oh Yes!]
 
September 15 is...Make a Hat Day
 
September 15 is...Felt Hat Day
 
September 16 is...Stay Away From Seattle Day
 
September 16 is...Collect Rocks Day
 
September 17 is...Citizenship Day    [Except for illegal aliens]
 
September 17 is...National Apple Dumpling Day
 
September 18 is... National Play-doh Day
 
September 18 is... National Cheeseburger Day
 
September 19 is...National Butterscotch Pudding Day
 
September 20 is...National Punch Day
 
September 20 is...Hollywood Magic Day
 
September 20 is...Wife Appreciation Day    [Show her you care - go play golf in her honor]

Happy Hilda's Hilarious Headlines...................
 
THAT'S WHAT I WOULD DO: "Drunk in Court? Blame it on Karaoke" - Ocala   (Fla.) Star-Banner headline
 
Obama's Got It in the Bag: "Police Seized Feces, Urine During DNC" -Denver Post
 
Look Out Below!: "United Rethinks Plans to Drop Free Hot Meals" -Associated Press
 
Everything Seemingly Is Spinning Out of Control:
"Cross-Dressing Purse-Snatcher Loses Fake Breast in Port St. Lucie" -TCPalm.com (Treasure Coast, FL)
"Ron Reagan Joins Air America" -Radio Ink
 
News You Can Use: "Thinking Too Hard Causes People to Eat Too Much" -CTV.ca
 
Web site  "Tickets Still Available for Biden's Speech Monday in Green Bay" -Green Bay (WI) Press-Gazette
 
"EXCLUSIVE: Woman Denies Sarah Palin Had Affair With Her Husband" -USMagazine.com

Sassy Suzi's Serendipitous Sayings.........................
 
Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.  
 
Gargoyle (n.), an olive-flavored mouthwash.  
 
Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified demeanor assumed by a  
proctologist immediately before he examines you.  
 
Circumvent (n.), the opening in the front of boxer shorts.  
 
Frisbeetarianism (n.), The belief that, when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck there.  

Pompous Pauline's Precipitous Puns.......................
 
Evidence has been found that William Tell and his family were avid bowlers. However, all the Swiss league records were unfortunately destroyed in a fire. Thus we'll never know for whom the Tells Bowled.
 
I stayed up all night trying to find out where the sun went. It finally dawned on me

And a bonus round..........
 
An Indian chief was feeling very sick, so he summoned the medicine man. After a brief examination, the medicine man took out a long, thin strip of elk rawhide and gave it to the chief, instructing him to bite off, chew and swallow one inch of the leather every day. After a month, the medicine man returned to see how the chief was feeling. The chief shrugged and said, "The thong is ended, but the malady lingers on."
T-Shirts seen around Woodbine Beltway.................
 
Read the shirt, buy the next round. (I don't make the rules, I just wear the shirt.)
 
Say No to Drugs. It Keeps the Prices Down.
 
Only You Can Prevent Forest Fires, which is good because I've got stuff to do.
 
You mess with me, you mess with the whole trailer park!
 
Relish Today... Ketchup Tomorrow.

Bumper Stickers seen around the Woodbine Beltway......
 
I used to be indecisive; now I'm not sure.
 
No sense being pessimistic; it wouldn't work anyway.
 
Always remember - you're unique, just like everybody else.
 
I doubt, therefore I might be.
 
I'm so far behind, I think I'm ahead.

That's it for this week from your "Woodbine Community Organizer."  Still hiding in the outskirts of Absurdia, the principle city of the Peoples Democratic Republic of Absurdistan where our boy governor continues to stumble through a life where everything is someone else's fault.

But, on the other hand..............
 
What really matters is what happens within us, not to us.
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