September 19, 2008
Pushing back the frontiers of
Whatever you do to the least of these:
"That's the promise of America, the idea that we are responsible for
ourselves, but that we also rise or fall as one nation, the fundamental
belief that I am my brother's keeper, I am my sister's keeper." ---Barack
Obama, who's half-brother George lives in a hut in Kenya on $1 per month
Congress is back. If, upon reading
those words, your hand shoots reflexively to your wallet or purse to
make sure it's still there, then you know what comes next: A Gang of 16
in the Senate is pushing an energy bill that would spend billions of
dollars, raise taxes, and do nothing to lower the price of gasoline
Muddling Mary's Moronic
The most wonderful thing about losing my
memory is that now I will always be able to discover new places, meet new
people and make new friends.
If at first you don't succeed......
skydiving is not for you.
The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight because by then, your
body and your fat are really good friends.
Japanese Sumo wrestling officials may start allowing wrestlers now to wear
pants. Ah, great – there goes the sex appeal.
Barack Obama was asked if he
wished could have passed up Hillary for another woman. Bill Clinton did that
all the time and enjoyed eight years in the White House
Serendipitous Sarah's Serene Stutterings.............
September is... National Papaya Month
September is... also Pause The World Day Month
This is National Dog Week
September 21 is...International Banana Festival Day
September 22 is...Dear Diary Day
September 22 is...Elephant Appreciation Day
September 22 is...Fish Amnesty Day
September 22 is...Hobbit Day
September 22 is...Dear Diary Day
September 23 is...Checkers Day
September 23 is...Dogs In Politics Day
September 23 is...National Centenarians Day
September 23 is...Marie Callender's Pot Pie Day
September 24 is...Festival Of Latest Novelties
September 24 is...National Cherries Jubilee Day
September 24 is...Innergize Day
September 25 is...National Comic Book Day
September 25 is...National One-Hit Wonder Day
September 26 is...National Good Neighbor Day
September 26 is...Johnny Appleseed Day
September 26 is...National Pancake Day
September 27 is...Ancestor Appreciation Day
September 27 is...Crush A Can Day
September 27 is...International Rabbit Day
September 27 is...World Tourism Day
Happy Hilda's Hilarious Headlines...................
WHAT A KEENER, EH? "Canada Remains Happily Mediocre" - Calgary (Alta.)
Why Don't They Mind Their Own Business?: "French to Retain Oversight of
Palin Probe" -Anchorage Daily News
Questions Nobody Is Asking: "Where Is Coverage of Nader Campaign?" -Des
First Same-Sex Marriage, Now This: "Pumpkin and Apples Wed Well in Oven
Pancake" -Associated Press
Everything Seemingly Is Spinning Out of Control:
"100 Goats Turned Loose on a Downtown L.A. Plot" -Los Angeles Times
"Joe Biden Impresses Manitowoc Teen in Rally" -Manitowoc (WI) Herald Times
Simply Suzi's Semi-Serious Statements..................
Coffee (n.), the person upon whom one coughs.
Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.
Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.
Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer
the door in your nightgown.
Bumper Stickers seen around the Woodbine Beltway.....
I may be fat but you're ugly, and I can lose weight.
No radio. Already stolen.
YOU!!! Out of the gene pool
Learn from your parent's mistakes - use birth control
So many stupid people, So few comets
Particular Paulines Pernicious puns........................
When gambling became legal our the city, everyone agreed that the city was
now a bettor place.
If you shoot a monk, does the bullet go from the "firing pin into the friar
Our Catholic church has plans to bring their parishioners to services by
bus. They plan to call it mass transit.
And a word about modernization.........
In the early 20th Century, Thomas Edison was spreading the word about
Once, while vacationing out West, he stopped at the Sioux reservation.
Edison was shocked to learn that there was no indoor plumbing, and that he
would have to use an outhouse.
In fact, he was told, the Sioux had to use the outhouse regardless of
To help the Sioux, Edison installed lights in the outhouse.
With this kind act, he became the first person to wire a head for a
What's a Metaphor.........................
They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that
resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth.
John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also
He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant, and she was the East
Even in his last years, Granddad had a mind like a steel trap, only one that
had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.
Well, that's it from your embedded reporter here in the outskirts of
Absurdistan. I want to assure you that there's nothing in the world I
wouldn't do for Governor O'Malley. There's nothing he wouldn't do for me.
That's the way it is - we go through life doing nothing for each other
except he keeps raising my taxes!
But, on the other hand..............