September 19, 2008

Pushing back the frontiers of ignorance................

 
Whatever you do to the least of these: "That's the promise of America, the idea that we are responsible for ourselves, but that we also rise or fall as one nation, the fundamental belief that I am my brother's keeper, I am my sister's keeper." ---Barack Obama, who's half-brother George lives in a hut in Kenya on $1 per month
 
Congress is back. If, upon reading those words, your hand shoots reflexively to your wallet or purse to make sure it's still there, then you know what comes next: A Gang of 16 in the Senate is pushing an energy bill that would spend billions of dollars, raise taxes, and do nothing to lower the price of gasoline
Muddling Mary's Moronic Mutterings.................
 
The most wonderful thing about losing my memory is that now I will always be able to discover new places, meet new people and make new friends.
 
If at first you don't succeed...... skydiving is not for you.
  
The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight because by then, your body and your fat are really good friends.

Japanese Sumo wrestling officials may start allowing wrestlers now to wear pants. Ah, great there goes the sex appeal.
 
Barack Obama was asked if he wished could have passed up Hillary for another woman. Bill Clinton did that all the time and enjoyed eight years in the White House
Serendipitous Sarah's Serene Stutterings.............
 
September is... National Papaya Month  
 
September is... also Pause The World Day Month
 
This is National Dog Week
 
September 21 is...International Banana Festival Day
 
September 22 is...Dear Diary Day
 
September 22 is...Elephant Appreciation Day
 
September 22 is...Fish Amnesty Day
 
September 22 is...Hobbit Day
 
September 22 is...Dear Diary Day
 
September 23 is...Checkers Day
 
September 23 is...Dogs In Politics Day
 
September 23 is...National Centenarians Day
 
September 23 is...Marie Callender's Pot Pie Day
 
September 24 is...Festival Of Latest Novelties
 
September 24 is...National Cherries Jubilee Day
 
September 24 is...Innergize Day
 
September 25 is...National Comic Book Day
 
September 25 is...National One-Hit Wonder Day
 
September 26 is...National Good Neighbor Day
 
September 26 is...Johnny Appleseed Day
 
September 26 is...National Pancake Day 
 
September 27 is...Ancestor Appreciation Day
 
September 27 is...Crush A Can Day
 
September 27 is...International Rabbit Day
 
September 27 is...World Tourism Day
Happy Hilda's Hilarious Headlines...................
 
WHAT A KEENER, EH? "Canada Remains Happily Mediocre" - Calgary (Alta.)  Herald headline
 
Why Don't They Mind Their Own Business?: "French to Retain Oversight of Palin Probe" -Anchorage Daily News
 
Questions Nobody Is Asking: "Where Is Coverage of Nader Campaign?" -Des Moines Register
 
First Same-Sex Marriage, Now This: "Pumpkin and Apples Wed Well in Oven Pancake" -Associated Press
 
Everything Seemingly Is Spinning Out of Control:
"100 Goats Turned Loose on a Downtown L.A. Plot" -Los Angeles Times
"Joe Biden Impresses Manitowoc Teen in Rally" -Manitowoc (WI) Herald Times Reporter
Simply Suzi's Semi-Serious Statements..................
 
Coffee (n.), the person upon whom one coughs.
 
Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.
 
Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
 
Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.
 
Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightgown.
Bumper Stickers seen around the Woodbine Beltway.....
 
I may be fat but you're ugly, and I can lose weight.
 
No radio. Already stolen.
 
YOU!!! Out of the gene pool
 
Learn from your parent's mistakes - use birth control
 
So many stupid people, So few comets

Particular Paulines Pernicious puns........................
 
When gambling became legal our the city, everyone agreed that the city was now a bettor place.
 
If you shoot a monk, does the bullet go from the "firing pin into the friar
 
Our Catholic church has plans to bring their parishioners to services by bus. They plan to call it mass transit.
 
And a word about modernization.........
 
    In the early 20th Century, Thomas Edison was spreading the word about electricity.
    Once, while vacationing out West, he stopped at the Sioux reservation. Edison was shocked to learn that there was no indoor plumbing, and that he would have to use an outhouse.
    In fact, he was told, the Sioux had to use the outhouse regardless of the weather.
    To help the Sioux, Edison installed lights in the outhouse.    
    With this kind act, he became the first person to wire a head for a reservation!
What's a Metaphor.........................
 
 
They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth.  
 
John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.  
 
He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant, and she was the East River.  
 
Even in his last years, Granddad had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.  
Well, that's it from your embedded reporter here in the outskirts of Absurdistan.  I want to assure you that there's nothing in the world I wouldn't do for Governor O'Malley.   There's nothing he wouldn't do for me. That's the way it is - we go through life doing nothing for each other except he keeps raising my taxes!

But, on the other hand..............
 
Enjoy the little things, for one day, you may look back and realize they were the big things.

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