September 26, 2008

Pushing back the frontiers of ignorance..................

 
Political correctness had already ruined education, sports, science and entertainment. But it took a Democratic president (Clinton) with a Democratic congress for political correctness to wreck the financial industry.
 
Biden's $995 in charitable giving last year was more than Al Gore's $353 in 1997. Liberals just walking the walk...

Mercurial Mary's Mythical Mutterings.................
 
The worst ten years of a woman's life are between 39 and 40.
 
Start every day off with a smile and get it over with
 
A good time to keep your mouth shut is when you're in deep water.
 
If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.
 
War without France would be like ... um ... World War II.

Salacious Sarah's Silly Sayings...........................
 
September is... National Papaya Month  
    but
October is... National Auto Battery Safety Month
 
This is World Space Week    [don't we have enough space?]
 
September 28 is Ask A Stupid Question Day  
 
September 29 is...Blackberries Day
 
September 29 is...Confucius Day
 
September 30 is...National Mud Pack Day
 
September 30 is...International Chocolate Day. [I used to dance under the name International Chocolate]
 
October 1 is . . . . . World Vegetarian Day 

October 2 is . . . . . Name Your Car Day

October 3 is . . . . . Virus Appreciation Day  

October 3 is . . . . . Dalton Defenders Days

October 3 is . . . . . Lee's National Denim Day

October 3 is . . . . . World Smile Day

October 3 is . . . . . Virus Appreciation Day

October 4 is . . . . . International Frugal Fun Day

October 4 is . . . . . Toot Your Flute Day

October 4 is . . . . . Pumpkin Day

October 4 is . . . . . Ten-Four Day

October 4 is . . . . . National Golf Day

Happy Hilda's Hilarious Headlines........................
 
WHERE THERE'S SMOKE, THERE'S FIRE: "Fire Engines 'Used to Cruise for Girls'" - London Telegraph headline
 
In Chicago They Vote, Too: "Members of the Dead to Play Fundraiser for Obama" -Associated Press
 
Good News for Cindy and Michelle: "McCain, Obama Avoid Same-Sex Marriage" -PlanetOut
 
'Bill Clinton's Office, How May I Direct Your Call?': "NJ Callers Dialing Dems Get Sex Chat Offer Instead" -Associated Press
 
We Blame Global Warming: "NYC Trade Center Dig Exposes Ice Age Landscape" -Associated Press
 
If Your Parents Didn't Have Children, Chances Are You Won't Either: "Pass It On: Sons of Infertile Men May Be Next" -MSNBC.com
 
Everything Seemingly Is Spinning Out of Control:
"Liquor License Suspended After Topless 'Midget Wrestling"' -Peoria (IL) Journal Star
 
News of the Tautological: "Voters Side With Winners in Sparsely Attended Primary" -Marblehead (MA) Reporter
 
"Things Your Body Can Do After You Die" -CNN.com
 
"Bill Clinton Might Appear in Ashland. Or He Might Not." -Mail Tribune (Medford, OR) 
 
"MoveOn to Air Series of Anti-McCain Ads" -The Wall Street Journal

Punchy Paul's Perilous Puns...........................
 
A musician who joined an orchestra on a cruise ship was having a difficult time keeping time with the rest of the band. Finally, the captain said, "Either you learn to keep time or I'll throw you overboard... It's up to you, sync or swim."
 
And a couple of shorties............

 
Why in today's economy is Christopher Columbus such a good role model? He got over 3000 miles to the galleon.
 
Don't join dangerous cults: Practice safe sects!
 
In democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes.
 
The roundest knight at king Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.  He acquired his size from too much pi.

Saucy Suzi's Simple Similes.........................
 
Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.
 
Gargoyle (n.), olive-flavored mouthwash.
 
Flatulence (n.) emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.
 
Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.
 
Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.
 
Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
Bumper Stickers seen around the Woodbine Beltway....
 
Sorry, I don't date outside my species.
 
When evolution is outlawed, only outlaws children will evolve.
 
DAMM - Drunks Against Mad Mothers
 
A man is not truly drunk until he can't lie on the floor without holding on
 
Don't drink and drive--if you hit a bump you spill your beer
Actual Published Books..........................
 
The Golden Fountain: Complete Guide to Urine Therapy: By Coen van der Kroon Banbury: Amethyst Books, 1996   
 
Life and Love in the Aquarium: By C.H. Peters  
New York: Empire Tropical Fish Import Co., 1934  
 
Rubbing Along in Burmese: By Anon Simla: Directorate of Welfare and Education, Adjutant General's Branch GHQ, 1944  
 
Careers in Dope: By Dan Waldrof, Englewood Cliffs, NJ: Prentice-Hall, 1973  
 
Movie Stars in Bathtubs: By Jack Scagnetti Middle Village, NY: Jonathan David Publishers, 1975 

That's about it from YOUR "Community Organizer" and "embedded reporter," here in the outskirts of Absurdia, the principle city of The People's Democratic Republic of Maryland where Socialism is kept alive by your taxes and the Democratic party
But, on the other hand..........
 
A true friend never gets in your way, unless you happen to be going down.
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