September 26, 2008
Pushing back the frontiers of
Political correctness had already ruined
education, sports, science and entertainment. But it took a Democratic
president (Clinton) with a Democratic congress for political correctness to
wreck the financial industry.
Biden's $995 in charitable giving
last year was more than Al Gore's $353 in 1997. Liberals just walking the
Mercurial Mary's Mythical
The worst ten years of a woman's life are between
39 and 40.
Start every day off with a smile and get it over
A good time to keep your mouth shut is when
you're in deep water.
If you can't be kind, at least have the decency
to be vague.
War without France would be like ... um ... World
Salacious Sarah's Silly Sayings...........................
September is... National Papaya Month
October is... National Auto Battery Safety Month
This is World Space Week [don't we have enough
September 28 is Ask A Stupid Question Day
September 29 is...Blackberries Day
September 29 is...Confucius Day
September 30 is...National Mud Pack Day
September 30 is...International Chocolate
Day. [I used to dance under the name International Chocolate]
October 1 is . . . . . World Vegetarian Day
October 2 is . . . . . Name Your Car Day
October 3 is . . . . . Virus Appreciation Day
October 3 is . . . . . Dalton Defenders Days
October 3 is . . . . . Lee's National Denim Day
October 3 is . . . . . World Smile Day
October 3 is . . . . . Virus Appreciation Day
October 4 is . . . . . International Frugal Fun Day
October 4 is . . . . . Toot Your Flute Day
October 4 is . . . . . Pumpkin Day
October 4 is . . . . . Ten-Four Day
October 4 is . . . . . National Golf Day
Happy Hilda's Hilarious Headlines........................
WHERE THERE'S SMOKE, THERE'S FIRE: "Fire Engines 'Used to Cruise for Girls'"
- London Telegraph headline
In Chicago They Vote, Too: "Members of the Dead to Play Fundraiser for
Obama" -Associated Press
Good News for Cindy and Michelle: "McCain, Obama Avoid Same-Sex Marriage"
'Bill Clinton's Office, How May I Direct Your Call?': "NJ Callers Dialing
Dems Get Sex Chat Offer Instead" -Associated Press
We Blame Global Warming: "NYC Trade Center Dig Exposes Ice Age Landscape"
If Your Parents Didn't Have Children, Chances Are You Won't Either: "Pass It
On: Sons of Infertile Men May Be Next" -MSNBC.com
Everything Seemingly Is Spinning Out of Control:
"Liquor License Suspended After Topless 'Midget Wrestling"' -Peoria (IL)
News of the Tautological: "Voters Side With Winners in Sparsely Attended
Primary" -Marblehead (MA) Reporter
"Things Your Body Can Do After You Die" -CNN.com
"Bill Clinton Might Appear in Ashland. Or He Might Not." -Mail Tribune
"MoveOn to Air Series of Anti-McCain Ads" -The Wall Street Journal
Punchy Paul's Perilous Puns...........................
A musician who joined an orchestra on a cruise ship was having a difficult
time keeping time with the rest of the band. Finally, the captain said,
"Either you learn to keep time or I'll throw you overboard... It's up to
you, sync or swim."
And a couple of shorties............
Why in today's economy is Christopher Columbus
such a good role model? He got over 3000 miles to the galleon.
Don't join dangerous cults: Practice safe sects!
In democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that
The roundest knight at king Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He
acquired his size from too much pi.
Saucy Suzi's Simple Similes.........................
Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.
Gargoyle (n.), olive-flavored mouthwash.
Flatulence (n.) emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over
by a steamroller.
Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.
Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.
Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
Bumper Stickers seen around the Woodbine Beltway....
Sorry, I don't date outside my species.
When evolution is outlawed, only outlaws children will evolve.
DAMM - Drunks Against Mad Mothers
A man is not truly drunk until he can't lie on the floor without holding on
Don't drink and drive--if you hit a bump you spill your beer
Actual Published Books..........................
The Golden Fountain: Complete Guide to Urine Therapy: By Coen van der Kroon Banbury:
Amethyst Books, 1996
Life and Love in the Aquarium: By C.H. Peters
New York: Empire Tropical Fish Import Co., 1934
Rubbing Along in Burmese: By Anon Simla: Directorate of Welfare
and Education, Adjutant General's Branch GHQ, 1944
Careers in Dope: By Dan Waldrof, Englewood Cliffs, NJ: Prentice-Hall, 1973
Movie Stars in Bathtubs: By Jack Scagnetti Middle Village, NY: Jonathan
David Publishers, 1975
That's about it from YOUR "Community Organizer" and "embedded
reporter," here in the outskirts of Absurdia, the principle city of The
People's Democratic Republic of Maryland where Socialism is kept alive by
your taxes and the Democratic party
But, on the other hand..........
A true friend never gets in your way, unless
you happen to be going down.