October 17, 2008

Pushing back the frontiers of ignorance..............

 
If you can swallow Obama's longtime collaboration with William Ayres, the recent revelations of Obama's involvement with ACORN ought to choke you to death!
 
If that doesn't work, look at the words "Change you can believe in" and see "The Cultural Revolution of the US" in it's place.

Meticulous Mary's Meritorious Mutterings..............
 
It was the best of times, and then some crap happened.
 
EGOTIST:  Someone who is usually me-deep in conversation.
 
You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me.
 
TOMORROW:  One of the greatest labor saving devices of today.
 
Every time I walk into a singles bar I can hear Mom's wise words: Don't pick that up, you don't know where it's been.
Silly Sarah's Salubrious Salutations..................
 
This is National Sarcastics Month  

And also National Apple Jack Month  
 
This is National Save Your Back Week
 
October 19 is . . . . National Nude Vacuum Day

October 19 is . . . . Reptile Awareness Day

October 21 is . . . . Babbling Day

October 22 is . . . . National Nut Day

October 20 is . . . . National Brandied Fruit Day

October 22 is . . . . National Color Day

October 23 is . . . . TV Talk Show Host Day    [What? They get their own day?]

October 23 is . . . . National Mole Day

October 24 is . . . . National Bologna Day

October 25 is . . . . Punk For A Day Day  

October 25 is . . . . Make A Difference Day    [Say something nice!]

October 25 is . . . . Sourest Day

 
Happy Hilda's Hilarious Headlines...........................
 
A RIGHT NOT RESERVED JUST TO THE PEOPLE: "Candidates Defend Right to Be Stupid" - Boston (Mass.) Herald headline
 
Hockey Moms Would Never Do This: "Soccer Moms Accused of Breaking Into Several Homes" -WKYT-TV Web site
 
How Thoughtful of Them!: "Cops Sweep Area for Gang" -Times (Munster, IN)
 
We Blame Global Warming: "Western Nebraska Starts Planning for Winter" -Omaha World-Herald
 
Climate Change Isn't All Bad: "Haggis at Risk From Global Warming" -Daily Telegraph (London)
 
Everything Seemingly Is Spinning Out of Control: "'Satan' Attacks Police, Bank Employees" -Salt Lake Tribune
 
News You Can Use: "Avoid Lamborghinis, Loud Logos Amid Financial Blues: Interview" -Bloomberg
 
And from the syncopates:
"Sharpton Convicted of Disorderly Conduct" -CNN.com
"Gore Toasts Obama at Tenn. Fundraiser at His Home" -Associated Press
"New York Times Calls McCain Campaign 'Appalling" - NY Times

Saucy Suzi's Celebrated Sayings..................
 
Osteopornosis (n): A degenerate disease.
 
Karmageddon (n): its like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.
 
Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.
 
Glibido (v): All talk and no action.
 
Dopeler effect (n): The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
Jentleman Jim's Juicy Jerky.................
 
Adolph Hitler's mother seriously considered having an abortion but was talked out of it by her doctor.
 
When Mahatma Gandhi died, an autopsy revealed that his small intestine contained five gold Krugerrands.
 
When Thomas Edison died in 1941; Henry Ford captured his last dying breath in a bottle.
 
In 1845, President Andrew Jackson's pet parrot was removed from his funeral for swearing.

Ludicrous Larry's Learned Leavings.................
 
The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.  
 
The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.  
 
He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.  
 
He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.

Perilous Paul's Pernicious Puns.......................
 
I was complaining the other day to a friend about the knot in my tie. "These four-in-hands with their tiny knots are so unstylish," I complained. He asked, "Do you know how to do a Windsor knot?" I replied, "It doesn't matter if you Windsor knot, it's how you play the game!
 
Hans and Stein were playing in their yard in Zurich when one of the boys accidentally swallowed a coin and started choking. Hans ran inside to get help, yelling "Mom! Dad! Come quick! There's a franc in Stein!"

That's it for this week from your "Community Organizer" and "Embedded Reporter" lurking in the path of "The Great Leap Forward" of the leadership of The People's Democratic Republic of Absurdistan.

But, on the other hand...........
 
Friends are God's way of taking care of us.

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