October 3, 2008
Pushing back the frontiers of
Electile Dysfunction : the inability to
become aroused over any of the choices for President put forth by either
party in the 2008 election year.
I don't approve of political jokes.
I've seen too many of them get elected.
At last! You do have another choice!
Just click on the link below:
Marvelous Mary's Meticulous
It's been my observation that 90% of
statisticians pretty much ruin it for the other 30%.
Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of
getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.
My mama always said we were put on this
earth to help others. My question is, what are the others here for?
I love being married. It's so great to
find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
Shopping tip: You can get shoes for a
buck at bowling alleys.
Super Sarah's Stingy Stutterings..................
This is National International Starman Month
It is also National Pickled Pepper Month
National Metric Week [How's that working out for you?]
October 5 is . . . . . National Storytelling Festival
October 5 is . . . . . Intergeneration Day
October 5 is . . . . . Spinach Lovers Day
October 5 is . . . . . World Teachers Day [Just for you Sarah!]
October 6 is . . . . . Come and Take It Day
October 6 is . . . . . Jackie Mayer Rehab Day
October 6 is . . . . . Women's New Day
October 6 is . . . . . World Herbal Health Day
October 7 is . . . . . National Frappe Day
October 8 is . . . . . American Tag Day
October 8 is . . . . . National Bring Your Teddy Bear To Work & School Day
October 8 is . . . . . Worldwide: Top Spinning At Noon Day
October 9 is . . . . . Moldy Cheese Day
October 9 is . . . . . Leif Erickson Day
October 9 is . . . . . World Post Day
October 10 is . . . . National Angel Food Cake Day
October 10 is . . . . Hunter's Moon
October 10 is . . . . World Egg Day
October 11 is . . . . General Pulaski Memorial Day
October 11 is . . . . It's My Party Day
Happy Hilda's Hilarious Headlines.................
BRUIN ESCAPES FROM CIRCUS: "Teacher OK after Crashing into Bear on a
Bicycle" - AP headline
"Numerous Candidates Are Running for Several Offices Across the State"
-Winston-Salem (NC) Journal
"Mind-Reading Hat Could Prevent Brain Farts" -LiveScience.com
"Dead Otter Found Near Bridge" -Redding (CA)
STRIP CLUBS SHOCK - Magistrates May Act On Indecent Shows (Daily Mirror).
AUDIENCE TRIED TO SPOIL PLAY - But St. Chad's Players Succeeded (Sunderland
A FARMER'S WIFE IS BEST SHOT (Glasgow Evening Citizen).
NUDIST NABBED - Unclothed Man Who Admits Brandishing Pistol Is Charged With
Carrying Concealed Weapon (Providence Journal).
MAGNATE USED TO REMOVE NAIL IN STOMACH (Los Angeles Times).
Saucy Suzi's Silly Sayings.................
Pokemon (n), a Rastafarian proctologist.
Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.
Frisbeetarianism (n.), (back by popular demand): The belief that, when you
die, your Soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.
Circumvent (n.), an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.
Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas
from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of
breaking down in the near future.
Good Government Giving's..................
A government that robs Peter to pay Paul can depend upon the support of Paul
A liberal is someone who feels a debt to his fellow men and wants to pay it
off with their money
Democracy has become two wolves and a sheep voting on what to have for
Foreign aid is a transfer of money from poor people in rich countries to
rich people in poor countries
Giving power & money to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to
Have you ever wondered.........................
How important does a person have to be
before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?
How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign?
Why do toasters always have a setting
that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would
If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares,
why is there a stupid song about him?
Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in
the carpool lane?
Your statistical chance of being
murdered is 1 in 20,000.
There are 5 times as many deaths due to
the negligence of doctors as there are deaths due to firearms.
On average, 100 people choke to death on
ballpoint pens every year.
Robert Hershey, of Hershey Chocolate
fame, died when he fell into a vat of chocolate and drowned.
Dr. Alice Chase, who wrote "Nutrition
for Health" and numerous books on the science of proper eating, died of
That is enough from your
embedded reporter and your "Community Organizer with responsibilities"
here in the outskirts of Absurdia, the principle city of The People's
Democratic Republic of Maryland where Socialism is kept alive by your taxes
and the Democratic party
But, on the other hand..................