October 3, 2008

Pushing back the frontiers of ignorance................

 
Electile Dysfunction : the inability to become aroused over any of the choices for President put forth by either party in the 2008 election year.
 
I don't approve of political jokes.  I've seen too many of them get elected.
 
At last!  You do have another choice!  Just click on the link below:
http://www.tsgnet.com/pres.php?id=380002&altf=3Ipoftu1Bm3&altl=Xfmdi
Marvelous Mary's Meticulous Murmurings..............
 
It's been my observation that 90% of statisticians pretty  much ruin it for the other 30%.
 
Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.
 
My mama always said we were put on this earth to help others.   My question is, what are the others here for?
 
I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
 
Shopping tip: You can get shoes for a buck at bowling alleys.
Super Sarah's Stingy Stutterings..................
 
This is National International Starman Month
 
It is also National Pickled Pepper Month
 
National Metric Week  [How's that working out for you?]
 
October 5 is . . . . . National Storytelling Festival

October 5 is . . . . . Intergeneration Day

October 5 is . . . . . Spinach Lovers Day

October 5 is . . . . . World Teachers Day    [Just for you Sarah!]

October 6 is . . . . . Come and Take It Day  
 
October 6 is . . . . . Jackie Mayer Rehab Day
 
October 6 is . . . . . Women's New Day

October 6 is . . . . . World Herbal Health Day

October 7 is . . . . . National Frappe Day

October 8 is . . . . . American Tag Day

October 8 is . . . . . National Bring Your Teddy Bear To Work & School Day

October 8 is . . . . . Worldwide: Top Spinning At Noon Day

October 9 is . . . . . Moldy Cheese Day  

October 9 is . . . . . Leif Erickson Day

October 9 is . . . . . World Post Day

October 10 is . . . . National Angel Food Cake Day

October 10 is . . . . Hunter's Moon

October 10 is . . . . World Egg Day

October 11 is . . . . General Pulaski Memorial Day

October 11 is . . . . It's My Party Day
Happy Hilda's Hilarious Headlines.................
 
BRUIN ESCAPES FROM CIRCUS: "Teacher OK after Crashing into Bear on a Bicycle" - AP headline
 
"Numerous Candidates Are Running for Several Offices Across the State" -Winston-Salem (NC) Journal
 
"Mind-Reading Hat Could Prevent Brain Farts" -LiveScience.com
 
"Dead Otter Found Near Bridge" -Redding (CA)
 
STRIP CLUBS SHOCK - Magistrates May Act On Indecent Shows (Daily Mirror).  
 
AUDIENCE TRIED TO SPOIL PLAY - But St. Chad's Players Succeeded (Sunderland Echo).  
 
A FARMER'S WIFE IS BEST SHOT (Glasgow Evening Citizen).  
 
NUDIST NABBED - Unclothed Man Who Admits Brandishing Pistol Is Charged With Carrying Concealed Weapon (Providence Journal).  
 
MAGNATE USED TO REMOVE NAIL IN STOMACH (Los Angeles Times).  
Saucy Suzi's Silly Sayings.................
 
Pokemon (n), a Rastafarian proctologist.
 
Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.
 
Frisbeetarianism (n.), (back by popular demand): The belief that, when you die,   your Soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.
 
Circumvent (n.), an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.

Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
Good Government Giving's..................
 
A government that robs Peter to pay Paul can depend upon the support of Paul
 
A liberal is someone who feels a debt to his fellow men and wants to pay it off with their money
 
Democracy has become two wolves and a sheep voting on what to have for dinner
 
Foreign aid is a transfer of money from poor people in rich countries to rich people in poor countries
 
Giving power & money to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys
Have you ever wondered.........................
 
How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?
 
How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign?
 
Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?
 
If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him?
 
Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?

Some Scary Statistics...................
 
Your statistical chance of being murdered is 1 in 20,000.
 
There are 5 times as many deaths due to the negligence of doctors as there are deaths due to firearms.
 
On average, 100 people choke to death on ballpoint pens every year.
 
Robert Hershey, of Hershey Chocolate fame, died when he fell into a vat of chocolate and drowned.
 
Dr. Alice Chase, who wrote "Nutrition for Health" and numerous books on the science of proper eating, died of malnutrition.
That is enough from your embedded reporter and your "Community Organizer with responsibilities" here in the outskirts of Absurdia, the principle city of The People's Democratic Republic of Maryland where Socialism is kept alive by your taxes and the Democratic party

But, on the other hand..................
 
Most people would like to be delivered from temptation, but would like it to keep in touch.
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