November 14, 2008

Pushing back the frontiers of ignorance...............

 
52% of the voters have spoken.  Of those voters, 50% have asked "What can your country do for you" not "What can you do for your country".  The other 50% feel good spending the money of others to do for those who won't do for themselves.  
Merry Mary's Meritorious Mutterings.....................
 
Tears:  The hydraulic force by which masculine will-power is defeated by feminine water power.
 
Dictionary:  The only place where success comes before work
 
It isn't difficult to make a mountain out of a molehill - just add a little dirt
 
Vuja Day: The feeling that you've had dyslexia before.
 
The universe consists of 5% protons, 5% neutrons, 5% electrons and 85% morons

Serendipitous Sarah's Servile Strategery.................
 
November is I Am So Thankful Month
 
This is Pursuit of Happiness Week
 
November 16 is . . . . . Button Day

November 16 is . . . . . Eighteenth Century Threshing Day    [Get ready for this one!]

November 17 is . . . . . John B. Ford Day... [for us Pennsyltukians]

November 17 is . . . . . Take A Hike Day

November 17 is . . . . . Coping With Uncertainty Day

November 17 is . . . . . Homemade Bread Day

November 18 is . . . . . Occult Day

November 18 is . . . . . Married To A Scorpio Support Day

November 19 is . . . . . Have A Bad Day Day

November 20 is . . . . . Absurdity Day 

November 20 is . . . . . Name Your PC Day

November 21 is . . . . . False Confessions Day

November 21 is . . . . . World Hello Day

November 22 is . . . .  .Start Your Own Country Day    [and it's about time!]
Happy Hilda's Hilarious Headlines...................
 
Another Typical Day In California: "Man Arrested in Santa Cruz with Beer Keg, Harmonica, Wet Suit, and Hallucinogenic Mushrooms" -Santa Cruz (Calif.) Sentinel headline
 
If They Do Say So Themselves: "Media Bias Largely Unseen in US Presidential Race" -Reuters
 
'No, We Can't': "Obama Aides Tamp Down Expectations" -The New York Times
 
Maybe They Should Stop Burning Cash: "Carmakers Report Losses as They Burn Cash"-New York Times Web site
 
And So Close to Thanksgiving: "Duchess of York Accused of Smearing Turkey's Image" -Reuters
 
You Only Live Twice: "Skydiver Dies in Second Fatal Jump at Virginia Airport in 2 Months" -FoxNews.com
 
Everything Seemingly Is Spinning Out of Control:
"Monks Brawl at Christian Holy Site in Jerusalem" -Associated Press
 
"Marijuana Aroma Detected at Obama's Hollywood Celebration Rally" -Breitbart.tv
 
Surprise, Surprise!  "Obama Picks an Ally as Chief of Staff" --Austin American-Statesman
 
Newspaper item: "Sale of liquor banned on military reservations."  Who wants to see the bases loaded?
Gentleman Gym's Geriatric Gems......................
 
Robert Todd Lincoln, son of Abraham Lincoln, was present at the assassinations of three presidents: his father's, President Garfield's, and President McKinley's. After the last shooting, he refused ever to attend a state affair again.
 
When Mark Twain was born on Nov 30, 1835, Halley's comet was visible over Florida, Missouri. Mark Twain predicted in 1909 that he would die when it returned. He was right. When he died on April 21, 1910, Halley's comet was once again visible in the sky.
 
Captain Jean-Luc Picard's fish was named Livingston.  

Bumper Stickers seen around the Woodbine Beltway....
 
Fight Crime: Shoot Back!
 
(The following bumper sticker was Seen Upside Down On A Jeep) If You Can Read This, Please Flip Me Back Over...
 
Stop Lights Timed For 35 mph Also Are Timed For 70 mph
 
Guys: No Shirt, No Service Gals: No Shirt, No Charge
 
Ax Me About Ebonics.

Saucy Suzi's Satisfying Section............
 
Divorce:  Future tense of marriage.
 
Lecture:  An art of transferring information from the notes of the Lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through "the minds of either."
 
Conference:  The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.
 
Compromise:  The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.
Lucky Larry's Leavings...................
 
What Do Eskimos Get From Sitting On The Ice too Long?
Polaroid's.
 
What Do You Call a Boomerang That Doesn't work?
A Stick.
 
What Do You Call Cheese That  isn't Yours?
Nacho Cheese.
 
What Do You Call Santa's Helpers?
Subordinate Clauses.

That's it from your unpaid "Neighborhood Organizer", lurking in the outskirts of Absurdia, the principle city of "The People's Democratic Republic of Absurdistan."  BTW, did you know.........
 
The new 2009 one dollar coin omits the "In God We Trust" motto.   Refuse to take this coin in change!  (The "CHANGE" has started!)

But, on the other hand.............
 
Be careful of your thoughts; they may become words at any moment.

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