November 21, 2008

Pushing back the frontiers of ignorance..............

 
Investors are just starting to realize that General Motors is a health care provider that makes cars on the side.
 
Earlier this week, the heads of the GM, Ford, and Chrysler appeared together in front of Congress to ask for a $25 billion bailout. When asked what they would do with the money, all three said, “Buy a new BMW.”

Meticulous Mary's Marvelous Mutterings...................
 
Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons
 
Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist, but a person who drives a race car not called a racist?
 
The Department of Health and Human Services officially recognized obesity as a medical illness. Doctors say symptoms include shortness of breath and 'wideness' of ass
 
Eve was the only woman who ever took a man's side.
 
It is better to be looked over than overlooked.
Sappy Sarah's Serious Sayings....................
 
November is National Vegan Month
 
This is National Far-City Week    [whatever that is!]
 
November 23 is . . . . . National Cashew Day
 
November 24 is . . . . . Use Even If Seal Is Broken Day

November 25 is . . . . . National Parfait Day

November 26 is . . . . . What Do You Love About America? Day

November 27 is . . . . . Pins And Needles Day

November 27 is . . . . . Turkey-Free Thanksgiving Day

November 28 is . . . . . Make Your Own Head Day

November 28 is . . . . . Buy Nothing Day

November 29 is . . . . . Square Dance Day

November 29 is . . . . . Electronic Greetings Day
Happy Hilda's Hilarious Headlines...................
 
BAD DOG! BAD! "Driving Dog Has Accident at Car Wash" -- Pryor (Oklahoma) Daily Times headline
 
It's Always in the Last Place You Look: "Ancient Pyramid Found in Egypt" - Press Association (England)
 
An Amazing Display of Self-Control: "Edwards Avoids Affair in First Speech Since Scandal" -FoxNews.com
 
Human Rights Groups Are Still Executing People?: "Taliban Calls on Human Rights Groups to Stop Executions" -Daily Telegraph (London)
 
We Hope It Still Pays Off Next Season When We Get Around to It: "This Season, Procrastination May Pay Off" -The New York Times
 
Everything Seemingly Is Spinning Out of Control:
"Climate Change Threatening Lemmings" --Christian Science Monitor Web site
"Hillary Clinton Eyed for Secretary of State" --Associated Press
 
News You Can Use: "Texting While Driving Is Bad, Doctors Agree" --Reuters
 
Redundancy at Work: "Additional Votes Have No Effect on Harris Co. Election Results" --Houston Chronicle

Jentleman Jim's Jerky Jottings..................
 
What Do You Call Four Bullfighters In Quicksand?  - Quattro Sinko.
 
What Do You Get From a Pampered Cow? - Spoiled Milk.
 
What Do You Get When You Cross a Snowman With a Vampire?  - Frostbite.
 
What Lies At The Bottom Of The Ocean And Twitches? - A Nervous Wreck.
Ponderous Pauline's Puns...........
 
Scientists at MIT have reportedly announced that they have discovered a new species of weevil that feeds solely on the cotton fibers in men's shorts. The researchers have no idea where the species originated, and are appealing to the general public, as well as the rest of the scientific community for any information that would help identify the insect. They are anxious to identify what weevil lurks in the shorts of men
 
Sam the Clam ran a place that featured go-go dancing. After playing a gig at Sam's, the harpist in one of the bands realized that he had forgotten to take his harp with him. Said the musician: "I left my harp in Sam Clam's disco!"
Leaning Larry's Leavings.................
 
Chocolate syrup was used for blood in the famous 45 second shower scene in Alfred Hitchcock's movie, Psycho, which actually took 7 days to shoot.  
 
Donald Duck's middle name is Fauntleroy.  
 
George Harrison, with "My Sweet Lord," was the first Beatle to have a Number 1 hit single following the group's break-up.  
 
Movie detective Dirty Harry's badge number is 2211
Sappy Suzi's Stutterings................
 
Tears:  The hydraulic force by which masculine will-power is defeated by feminine water power...
 
Dictionary:  A place where success comes before work.
 
Conference Room:  A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and everybody disagrees later on.
 
Classic:  A book which people praise, but do not read.
 
Smile:  A curve that can set a lot of things straight.
Bumper Stickers seen around the Woodbine Beltway....
 
Body By Nautilus; Brain By Mattel.
 
Boldly Going Nowhere.
 
Caution - Driver Legally Blonde.
 
Heart Attacks: God's Revenge For Eating His Animal Friends
 
Ax me about Ebonics
That's it from your "Community Organizer" for this week, here in Absurdia, the principle city of The Peoples Democratic Republic of Absurdistan where the average public school student will be eating turkey on Thursday but can't spell it!

But, on the other hand...................
 
Life is God's gift to you. The way you live it is your gift to God.

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