December 5, 2008

Pushing back the frontiers of ignorance...............

The Founding Fathers warned us that freedom was dependent on the twin pillars of religion and morality.   If
ever those two pillars were lost, they said, the citizens of that democracy would become a mob...........
Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid expressed relief that he would no longer be able to smell visitors to the United States Capitol, thanks to the new $621 million Capitol Visitors Center.   Aren't you proud of our leaders?

Merry Mary's Melodious Murmurings.....................
Q: Why was Santa's little helper depressed?   A: Because he had low elf esteem.
'Britney Spears' were the most-searched words of the year on Yahoo!, followed by 'World Wrestling Federation,' and in third place, 'Barack Obama.' I think the lesson here is that Americans are not responsible enough to be using computers
To get back my youth, I would do anything in the world. Except exercise, get up early or be respectable.
Atheism is a non-prophet organization
Don't join dangerous cults: practice safe sects.

Stupendous Sarah's Savory Sayings.....................
December is... Hi Neighbor Month and

December is... Bingo's Birthday Month  
This is Cookie Cutter Week
December 4 is . . . Wear Brown Shoes Day

December 4 is . . . Santa's List Day

December 4 is . . . Cookie Day

December 5 is . . . Bathtub Party Day

December 5 is . . . Play Hooky Day

December 5 is . . . National Sacher Torte Day   [Whatever]

December 6 is . . . National Gazpacho Day
December 7 is . . . National Cotton Candy Day

December 8 is . . . Most Boring Celebrities Of The Year Day    [Make your list and send it to me!]

December 8 is . . . Take it in the Ear Day

December 8 is . . . Brownie Day    [The cookie or the scout?]

December 9 is . . . National Pastry Day

December 10 is . . . Nobel Prize Awards Day    [This is the last year for this one - it doesn't mean anything anymore]

December 10 is . . . Festival For The Souls Of Dead Whales   [well, someone had to come up with this]
Happy Hilda's Hilarious Headlines....................
THE HIGHEST COURT IN THE LAND: "Judge Hears Cases While High on Drugs" - Asbury Park (N.J.) Press headline
MADE FOR EACH OTHER: "Wine-Glass Whacking Lands Silverdale Woman in Jail" - Kitsap (Wash.) Sun headline; "Man Accused of Hitting Girlfriend with Sandwich While She's Driving" -Port St. Lucie (Fla.) News headline, two days later

Glad He Cleared That Up: "Egyptian Cleric Says Mickey Mouse Is Not Agent of Satan" -Agence France-Presse
News of the Oxymoronic: "David Blaine Survives Death" -E! Online
News You Can Use: "Sunbathing Topless Not Recommended for Fatty and Not Pretty Women" -Pravda
It's not working anymore:
"No One Hurt by Falling Bricks in International District" -Seattle Times
"Peace Efforts in Israel-Palestinian Conflict Not Working" - Daily Telegraph (London)
PUBLIC HEALTH PROBLEM - Special Committee To Sit On Bed Bug (Liverpool Echo).  
Particular Paul's Puny Puns..................
A couple were driving along in the rain when the rain increased in strength. the wife said. "Joseph, I've never seen rain like this. The drops are as big as golf balls." He replied," That's not rain. That's hail, Mary

For many generations a family had raised cotton in a lush southern valley. Unfortunately, the boll weevil came to call and for three seasons their crop was wiped out. The younger members of the family urged their patriarch to leave the cursed valley which was driving them to ruin but he refused, saying, "Though I live in the valley in the shadow of debt, I will fear no weevil
One of the local ministers in California has predicted remarkedly closely in both time and general location the last three major California earthquakes.The local newspapers call him a Faults Prophet
Bumper Stickers seen around the Woodbine Beltway......
How Many Roads Must A Man Travel Down Before He Admits He is Lost?
All Men Are Animals; Some Just Make Better Pets.
Languorous Larry's Lucky Leavings.........................
If your only contact with three spirits on Christmas Eve is gin, vodka and bourbon - you just might be a Scrooge
If you turn on the lawn sprinklers on Christmas Eve to keep carolers away - you just might be a Scrooge
If you buy all of your Christmas gifts at a store that also sells gas - you just might be a Scrooge
If your favorite version of "Babes in Toyland" stars Michael Jackson -you just might be a Scrooge

Gentleman Jim's Gems...............................
ADULT - A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle.
BEAUTY PARLOR - A place where women curl up and dye.
CANNIBAL  - Someone who is fed up with people.
CHICKENS - The only animals you eat before they are born and after they die.
That's it for this week from your "community organizer" who is hiding near Absurdia, the principle city of The People's Democratic Republic of Absurdistan where our cry-baby Governor just got elected vice-chair of the Democratic Governors Association because he knows all about vice!

But, on the other hand...................
What's right is what's left if you do everything wrong

Please pay attention!
You may have noticed the increased amount of notices for you to notice. Some of our notices have not been noticed. This is very noticeable. It has been noticed that the responses to the notices have been noticeably unnoticed. This notice is to remind you to notice the notices and respond to the notices, because we do not want the notices to go unnoticed.

Return to the Friday's Musings Main Page

Return to the A-1 Associates Main Page