December 5, 2008
Pushing back the frontiers of
The Founding Fathers warned us that
freedom was dependent on the twin pillars of religion and morality. If
ever those two pillars were lost, they said, the citizens of that democracy
would become a mob...........
Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid
expressed relief that he would no longer be able to smell visitors to the
United States Capitol, thanks to the new $621 million Capitol Visitors
Center. Aren't you proud of our leaders?
Merry Mary's Melodious
Q: Why was Santa's little helper
depressed? A: Because he had low elf esteem.
'Britney Spears' were the most-searched
words of the year on Yahoo!, followed by 'World Wrestling Federation,' and
in third place, 'Barack Obama.' I think the lesson here is that Americans
are not responsible enough to be using computers
To get back my youth, I would do
anything in the world. Except exercise, get up early or be respectable.
Atheism is a non-prophet organization
Don't join dangerous cults: practice
Stupendous Sarah's Savory
December is... Hi Neighbor Month and
December is... Bingo's Birthday Month
This is Cookie Cutter Week
December 4 is . . . Wear Brown Shoes Day
December 4 is . . . Santa's List Day
December 4 is . . . Cookie Day
December 5 is . . . Bathtub Party Day
December 5 is . . . Play Hooky Day
December 5 is . . . National Sacher
Torte Day [Whatever]
December 6 is . . . National Gazpacho
December 7 is . . . National Cotton
December 8 is . . . Most Boring
Celebrities Of The Year Day [Make your list and send it to me!]
December 8 is . . . Take it in the Ear
December 8 is . . . Brownie Day [The
cookie or the scout?]
December 9 is . . . National Pastry Day
December 10 is . . . Nobel Prize Awards
Day [This is the last year for this one - it doesn't mean anything
December 10 is . . . Festival For The
Souls Of Dead Whales [well, someone had to come up with this]
Happy Hilda's Hilarious
THE HIGHEST COURT IN THE LAND: "Judge
Hears Cases While High on Drugs" - Asbury Park (N.J.) Press headline
MADE FOR EACH OTHER: "Wine-Glass
Whacking Lands Silverdale Woman in Jail" - Kitsap (Wash.) Sun headline; "Man
Accused of Hitting Girlfriend with Sandwich While She's Driving" -Port St.
Lucie (Fla.) News headline, two days later
Glad He Cleared That Up: "Egyptian
Cleric Says Mickey Mouse Is Not Agent of Satan" -Agence France-Presse
News of the Oxymoronic: "David Blaine
Survives Death" -E! Online
News You Can Use: "Sunbathing Topless
Not Recommended for Fatty and Not Pretty Women" -Pravda
It's not working anymore:
"No One Hurt by Falling Bricks in International District" -Seattle Times
"Peace Efforts in Israel-Palestinian Conflict Not Working" - Daily Telegraph
PUBLIC HEALTH PROBLEM - Special
Committee To Sit On Bed Bug (Liverpool Echo).
Particular Paul's Puny
A couple were driving along in the rain
when the rain increased in strength. the wife said. "Joseph, I've never seen
rain like this. The drops are as big as golf balls." He replied," That's not
rain. That's hail, Mary
For many generations a family had raised
cotton in a lush southern valley. Unfortunately, the boll weevil came to
call and for three seasons their crop was wiped out. The younger members of
the family urged their patriarch to leave the cursed valley which was
driving them to ruin but he refused, saying, "Though I live in the valley in
the shadow of debt, I will fear no weevil
One of the local ministers in California
has predicted remarkedly closely in both time and general location the last
three major California earthquakes.The local newspapers call him a Faults
Bumper Stickers seen around the
How Many Roads Must A Man Travel Down
Before He Admits He is Lost?
All Men Are Animals; Some Just Make
POLITICIANS & DIAPERS BOTH NEED TO BE
CHANGED, AND FOR THE SAME REASON"
Languorous Larry's Lucky
If your only contact with three spirits
on Christmas Eve is gin, vodka and bourbon - you just might be a Scrooge
If you turn on the lawn sprinklers on
Christmas Eve to keep carolers away - you just might be a Scrooge
If you buy all of your Christmas gifts
at a store that also sells gas - you just might be a Scrooge
If your favorite version of "Babes in
Toyland" stars Michael Jackson -you just might be a Scrooge
ADULT - A person who has stopped growing
at both ends and is now growing in the middle.
BEAUTY PARLOR - A place where women curl
up and dye.
CANNIBAL - Someone who is fed up with
CHICKENS - The only animals you eat
before they are born and after they die.
That's it for this week from
your "community organizer" who is hiding near Absurdia, the principle city
of The People's Democratic Republic of Absurdistan where
our cry-baby Governor just got elected vice-chair of
the Democratic Governors Association because he knows all about vice!
But, on the other hand...................
What's right is what's left if you do
Please pay attention!
You may have noticed the increased amount of notices for you to notice. Some
of our notices have not been noticed. This is very noticeable. It has been
noticed that the responses to the notices have been noticeably unnoticed.
This notice is to remind you to notice the notices and respond to the
notices, because we do not want the notices to go unnoticed.
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