December 19, 2008
Pushing back the frontiers of
News from the crooked party: According
to the Chicago Sun-Times, as of 2006, when Blago's predecessor, George Ryan,
was sent to prison for racketeering, 79 elected officials had been convicted
of corruption in the past 30 years. Among the perps: 27 aldermen, 19 judges,
15 state legislators, three governors, two congressmen, one mayor, two
turtledoves and a partridge in a stolen pear tree. But, they did it for the
News from the stupid party: The George
W Bush presidency is as bankrupt as GM. Conservatives, like
nails, lose their usefulness when they lose direction and begin to bend....
Melodious Mary's Merry Mutterings..................
Atheists filed suit against the Kentucky Homeland Security office because of
the mention of God in the state anti-terror law. Legal analysts doubt their
chances. They donít really have a prayer.
No one should live by the early bird policy without finding out whether he
classifies as a bird or a worm.
Reality is for people who can't handle drugs. Drugs are for people who
can't handle reality.
I'm writing a book about the recession - It starts with Chapter 11
The weatherman has been injured and is in cirrus condition
Serendipitous Sarah's Serene Sayings...............
December is National Tie Month
This is Recipe Greetings For The Holidays Week
December 21 is . . . Look At The Bright Side Day
December 21 is . . . National Flashlight Day
December 21 is . . . National Fried Shrimp Day
December 21 is . . . Hamburger Day
December 21 is . . . Humbug Day
December 21 is . . . Alphabet Day
December 22 is . . . National Date-Nut Bread Day
December 23 is . . . Roots Day
December 24 is . . . National Egg Nog Day
December 25 is . . . National Pumpkin Pie Day
December 26 is . . . Kids After Christmas Day
December 26 is . . . National Whiners Day
December 27 is . . . National Fruitcake Day
December 27 is . . . Make Cut Out Snowflakes Day
Happy Hilda's Headlines.......................
BOOMERS REMEMBER WHEN IT WAS CIGARETTES: "Rugged Individualism, Beer Linked"
- San Antonio (Texas) Express-News headline
Too Much Information: "Obama: I Probed Myself and I'm Clean" -NewsMax.com
The Timid Ones Remain Under Suspicion: "Obama Says Confident Staff Clear in
Ill. Scandal" -Associated Press
'Let Them Eat Cake': "State Asks Powerless to Remain Patient" -WBUR-AM/FM
Everything Is Spinning Out of Control:
Giant Black Hole Found at Heart of Milky Way" -FoxNews.com
"Big Cat Bites Santa During Photo Shoot at NJ Store" -Associated Press
News You Can Use: "Lesson 1: Don't Drive Into Parked Police
Car" -San Francisco Chronicle
Redundancy at Work:
"Canadian Productivity Continues to Lag" -Canwest News Service
"Gore Urges Quick Action on Climate Change" -Associated Press
Private Paul's Perilous Puns..............................
Morris Crisp was very sad when his father passed away. When his mother
remarried to a retired Navy captain named Arthur Ness, and made Morrie take
the name of his step-father. Morrie felt she was betraying the memory of his
father. After he grew up, and his mother died, Morrie had Arthur committed
to a nursing home and bilked him of his life savings. When he was caught,
the newspapers read, "Morrie Crisp-Ness fleeces Navy Dad!"
The participants in a Xmas pageant forgot their lines, tripped on their
floor length costumes, and otherwise totally botched up the performance. All
the same, they were foolish enough to show up for a curtain call, at which
they promptly were pelted with whatever the audience had on hand, rather
than being applauded. As they retreated backstage to clean up, the lead
player remarked to the others, "Well, those were certainly bows of folly."
A mother was pleased with the card her son had made her for Christmas, but
was puzzled as to the scraggly-looking tree from which many presents
dangled, and near the top, something that looked strangely like a bullet.
She asked him if he would explain the drawing and why the tree itself was so
bare, instead of a fat pine tree. "It's not a traditional Christmas tree,"
he explained. "It's a cartridge in a bare tree."
Lucky Larry's Leavings.........................
MOSQUITO - An insect that makes you like flies better.
RAISIN - Grape with a sunburn.
SECRET - Something you tell to one person at a time.
SKELETON - A bunch of bones with the person scraped off.
T-Shirts Gentleman Jim has seen............
I'm busy. You're ugly. Have a nice day.
Warning: I have an attitude and I know how to use it.
Do NOT start with me. You will NOT win.
You have the right to remain silent, so please SHUT UP!
I don't believe in miracles. I rely on them.
Serious Suzi's Stipulations.................
Office: A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.
Yawn: The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.
Chivalry - A mans inclination to defend a woman against every man but
Conscience - That which hurts when everything else feels so good.
That's it for this week from your "community organizer" hiding near
Absurdia, the principle city of "The Peoples Democratic Republic of
Absurdistan where the state is broke and the "Boy Governor" may have
realized that our only salvation is ex-governor Robert Erlich..........
But, on the other hand.......