December 19, 2008

Pushing back the frontiers of ignorance...................

 
News from the crooked party:  According to the Chicago Sun-Times, as of 2006, when Blago's predecessor, George Ryan, was sent to prison for racketeering, 79 elected officials had been convicted of corruption in the past 30 years. Among the perps: 27 aldermen, 19 judges, 15 state legislators, three governors, two congressmen, one mayor, two turtledoves and a partridge in a stolen pear tree.  But, they did it for the CHILDREN.......
 
News from the stupid party:  The George W Bush presidency is as bankrupt as GM.   Conservatives, like nails, lose their usefulness when they lose direction and begin to bend....

Melodious Mary's Merry Mutterings..................
 
Atheists filed suit against the Kentucky Homeland Security office because of the mention of God in the state anti-terror law.  Legal analysts doubt their chances.  They donít really have a prayer.
 
No one should live by the early bird policy without finding out whether he classifies as a bird or a worm.
 
Reality is for people who can't handle drugs.  Drugs are for people who can't handle reality.
 
I'm writing a book about the recession - It starts with Chapter 11
 
The weatherman has been injured and is in cirrus condition

Serendipitous Sarah's Serene Sayings...............
 
December is National Tie Month
 
This is Recipe Greetings For The Holidays Week
 
December 21 is . . . Look At The Bright Side Day

December 21 is . . . National Flashlight Day

December 21 is . . . National Fried Shrimp Day

December 21 is . . . Hamburger Day

December 21 is . . . Humbug Day

December 21 is . . . Alphabet Day

December 22 is . . . National Date-Nut Bread Day

December 23 is . . . Roots Day

December 24 is . . . National Egg Nog Day

December 25 is . . . National Pumpkin Pie Day

December 26 is . . . Kids After Christmas Day

December 26 is . . . National Whiners Day  

December 27 is . . . National Fruitcake Day  

December 27 is . . . Make Cut Out Snowflakes Day

Happy Hilda's Headlines.......................
 
BOOMERS REMEMBER WHEN IT WAS CIGARETTES: "Rugged Individualism, Beer Linked" - San Antonio (Texas) Express-News headline
 
Too Much Information: "Obama: I Probed Myself and I'm Clean" -NewsMax.com
 
The Timid Ones Remain Under Suspicion: "Obama Says Confident Staff Clear in Ill. Scandal" -Associated Press
 
'Let Them Eat Cake': "State Asks Powerless to Remain Patient" -WBUR-AM/FM Web site
 
Everything Is Spinning Out of Control:
Giant Black Hole Found at Heart of Milky Way" -FoxNews.com
"Big Cat Bites Santa During Photo Shoot at NJ Store" -Associated Press
 
News You Can Use: "Lesson 1: Don't Drive Into Parked Police Car" -San Francisco Chronicle
 
Redundancy at Work:
"Canadian Productivity Continues to Lag" -Canwest News Service
"Gore Urges Quick Action on Climate Change" -Associated Press

Private Paul's Perilous Puns..............................
 
Morris Crisp was very sad when his father passed away. When his mother remarried to a retired Navy captain named Arthur Ness, and made Morrie take the name of his step-father. Morrie felt she was betraying the memory of his father. After he grew up, and his mother died, Morrie had Arthur committed to a nursing home and bilked him of his life savings. When he was caught, the newspapers read, "Morrie Crisp-Ness fleeces Navy Dad!"
 
The participants in a Xmas pageant forgot their lines, tripped on their floor length costumes, and otherwise totally botched up the performance. All the same, they were foolish enough to show up for a curtain call, at which they promptly were pelted with whatever the  audience had on hand, rather than being applauded. As they retreated backstage to clean up, the lead player remarked to the others,  "Well, those were certainly bows of folly."

A mother was pleased with the card her son had made her for Christmas, but was puzzled as to the scraggly-looking tree from which many presents dangled, and near the top, something that looked strangely like a bullet. She asked him if he would explain the drawing and why the tree itself was so bare, instead of a fat pine tree. "It's not a  traditional Christmas tree," he explained. "It's a cartridge in a bare tree."
Lucky Larry's Leavings.........................
 
MOSQUITO - An insect that makes you like flies better.
 
RAISIN - Grape with a sunburn.
 
SECRET - Something you tell to one person at a time.
 
SKELETON - A bunch of bones with the person scraped off.

T-Shirts Gentleman Jim has seen............
 
I'm busy. You're ugly. Have a nice day.
 
Warning: I have an attitude and I know how to use it.
 
Do NOT start with me. You will NOT win.
 
You have the right to remain silent, so please SHUT UP!
 
I don't believe in miracles. I rely on them.

Serious Suzi's Stipulations.................
 
Office:  A place where you can relax after your  strenuous home life.
 
Yawn:  The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.
 
Chivalry - A mans inclination to defend a woman against every man but himself.
 
Conscience - That which hurts when everything else feels so good.
That's it for this week from your "community organizer" hiding near Absurdia, the principle city of "The Peoples Democratic Republic of Absurdistan where the state is broke and the "Boy Governor" may have realized that our only salvation is ex-governor Robert Erlich..........
But, on the other hand.......
 
Hope is the thing with feathers
that perches in the soul
And sings the tune without the words
And never stops at all

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