December 26, 2008

Pushing back the frontiers of ignorance..................

 
I am sooooo relieved.  Obama investigated himself and while he admits he did talk to the Governor of New York about appointing Caroline Kennedy to Hillary's vacant seat, he did not talk to his own Governor of Illinois about who should fill his own vacant seat.
 
BTW, Richard Nixon did the exact same thing.........
 
Mark Felt, the traitor, died this year.  You may remember him as "Deep Throat."  He was the man in charge of the illegal "black bag" jobs done by the FBI.  Why did he squeal on the president?  Because Nixon did not appoint him the head of the FBI when Hoover died.

Meticulous Mary's Melodic Meanderings..............
 
I believe that every human has a finite number of heartbeats.   I don't intend to waste any of mine running around doing exercises.
 
What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day
 
A fine is a tax for doing wrong - a tax is a fine for doing well.
 
Christmas is a time when kids tell Santa what they want and adults pay for it. Deficits are when adults tell the government what they want and their kids pay for it."   
You know there is a problem with the education system when you realize that out of the 3 R's, only one begins with an R.
Salacious Sarah's Strict Stipulations....................
 
December is... Bingo's Birthday Month  
 
This is... It's About Time Week
 
December 28 is . . . Card Playing Day

December 28 is . . . National Chocolate Day

December 29 is . . . Pepper Pot Day  

December 29 is . . . Tick Tock Day

December 30 is . . . Make Up Your Mind Day

December 30 is . . . Festival of Enormous Changes At The Last Minute Day

December 30 is . . . National Bicarbonate of Soda Day    [Shouldn't this be January 1st?]

December 31 is . . . Unlucky Day
 
January 1 is...Get A Life Day
 
January 1 is...First Foot Day  
 
January 2 is...Run Up the Flagpole and See if Anybody Salutes It Day  
 
January 2 is...Happy Mew Year for Cats Day
 
January 3 is...Festival of Sleep Day  
 
January 3 is...National Chocolate Covered Cherry Day
 
January 3 is...Festival of Sleep Day

Happy Harry's Hilarious Headlines....................
 
NAUGHTY, NOT NICE: "Father Christmas Was Punched in His Grotto" - Dorset (England) Echo headline

PIPELINE RAPTURED (Ghanaian Times).  
 
UNDERTAKER'S FAILURE - Let Down By Customers (Yorkshire paper).  
 
CHANNEL SWIM ATTEMPT - Boston Girl's Arrival in Liverpool (Liverpool Echo).  
 
POLICE FOUND SAFE UNDER BLANKET (Gloucestershire Echo).  

Good Luck With That: "Bush Aid Plan Pushes Peaceful, Democratic Palestine" -Boston Herald
 
Watergate Was Bush's Fault Too!: "Rove Strategy Paper Found in Nixon Archive" -The New York Times
 
Never Bring a Knife to a Gunfight: "India Seen Sticking to Guns at U.S. Nuclear Talks" -Reuters
 
That's a Pretty Good Job for a Fish: "Grouper to Serve as Online Talent Agency" -Associated Press
 
News You Can Use: "Automatic Toilet Tissue Dispenser Ready" -Associated Press
 
News You Can Use: "Finding Toilet at Mardi Gras a Challenge" -Associated Press
 
Worst Notable-Quotable of 2008 "As violence falls in Iraq, cemetery workers feel the pinch" -McClatchy News Service
 
Can't We Blame Bush?: "When Gas Prices Go Up, Blame Dean" -Detroit Free Press

Palacious Paul's Predictable Puns..................
 
There is No Plate Like Chrome for the Hollandaise.
 
The roundest knight at king Arthur's round table was Sir Conference. He acquired his size from too much pi.
 
I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island,  but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.
 
She was only a whisky maker's daughter, but I loved her still.
 
A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.
Lucky Larry's Litigious Leavings.....................
 
TOOTHACHE - The pain that drives you to extraction.
 
TOMORROW - One of the greatest labor-saving devices of today.
 
YAWN - An honest opinion openly expressed.
 
WRINKLES - Something other people have, similar to my character lines.
Sappy Suzi's T-Shirts.........................
 
Of course I don't look busy...I did it right the first time.
 
Why do people with closed minds always open their mouths?
 
 I'm multitalented - I can talk and piss you off at the same time.
 
 Don't piss me off! I'm running out of place to hide the bodies.
Gentleman Gym's Generic Gems................
 
Where Do You Find a Dog With No Legs?  Right Where You Left Him.
 
Why Do Gorillas Have Big Nostrils?  Because They Have Big Fingers.
 
Why Don't Blind People Like To Sky Dive?  Because It Scares The Dog.
 
What Kind Of Coffee Was Served On The Titanic?  Sanka.
That's it for this week from your "community organizer" lurking in the outskirts of Absurdia, the principle city of The Peoples Democratic Republic of Absurdistan where the boy governor is laying off people but buying more land for the state to mismanage.

But, on the other hand...................
 
The truth is that there is nothing noble in being superior to somebody else.   The only real nobility is in being superior to your former self.

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