January 2, 2009

Pushing back the frontiers of ignorance...............

 
The Libs want to tax you and give your money to the unions and those unwilling to work
 
The RINO wing of the stupid party wants to tax you and give your money to Wall Street and corporations.

Merry Mary's Meritorious Mutterings..............
 
I started to write a book about writer's block but.....
 
A schoolteacher is a disillusioned woman who used to think she liked children.
 
Law of probability: The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.
 
It used to be only death and taxes. Now, of course, there's shipping and handling, too.
 
She was only a whisky maker's daughter, but he loved her still.
Superficial Sarah's Serious Sayings.............
 
January is Bread Machine Baking Month
 
This is New Year's Resolutions Week    [If they last that long]
 
January 4 is...Dimpled Chad Day
 
January 4 is...Tom Thumb's Birthday
 
January 4 is...National Spaghetti Day
 
January 4 is...Humiliation Day  
 
January 4 is...Trivia Day
 
January 5 is...Bird Day
 
January 6 is...Fruitcake Toss Day
 
January 6 is...Bean Day
 
January 6 is...National Smith Day
 
January 6 is...Organize Your Home Day
 
January 7 is...Old Rock Day
 
January 7 is...I'm Not Going To Take It Anymore Day
 
January 8 is...National Joy Germ Day
 
January 8 is...Man Watcher's Day  
 
January 8 is...JRR Tolkien's Birthday
 
January 8 is...National English Toffee Day
 
January 8 is...Show and Tell Day at Work
 
January 9 is...Play God Day  
 
January 9 is...National Static Electricity Day
 
January 10 is...Peculiar People Day  

Happy Hilda's Hilarious Headlines..........
 
CAUSE AND EFFECT: "Deputies: Man Flunks Drug Test, Steals Fridge Full of Urine" -- Gainesville (Fla.) Sun headline
 
Global Warming Strikes Again: "Snow to Leave Before Bush" ---Associated Press
 
'May God Strike Me Dead. On Second Thought, May He Not.': "Woman Saved From Lightning by Flip-Flops" ---Associated Press
 
Dude, the Interchange Looks Just Like a Big Leaf!: "Stoner Presents Harmony/I-25 Plan" ---Northern Colorado Business Report
 
Good Thing It Isn't Thanksgiving: "Team USA Burns Turkey" ---Charlotte (NC) Observer
 
But All They Attracted Was Flies: "Schools Offer Free Water, Garbage to Attract Teachers" ---WRAL-TV Web site (Raleigh, NC)
 
Who Says There's a Clash of Civilizations?: "Christians Agree With Muslims They Must Have Goat in New Jersey" ---Bloomberg
 
But Arraigned in Orange Jumpsuit: "Albany Man Arrested in Tuxedo on Pot Charge" ---Journal News (White Plains, NY)
 
Most Desperate Man in History: "NBC Exec Says He'll Do Anything to Get Rosie O'Donnell" ---FoxNews.com
 
Bottom Story of the Day: "Fortunetellers Did Not See Dead Raccoons, Car Vandalism in Salem's Future" ---FoxNews.com

Particular Paul's Perilous Puns...................
 
Once a year, the collectors of antique tents in Germany get together for a rally. Last year, the organizers decided to hold it in Meinz.  Unfortunately, the local burghers took a dim view of so great an influx of tourists ruining their turf with tent pegs. The citizens organized themselves so thoroughly that they even had an anthem: "Let Old and Quaint Tents Be Forgot and Never Brought to Meinz!"
 
I know a man, his name is Lang,
And he has a neon sign.
And Mister Lang is very old,
So they call it Old Lang's Sign.
Saucy Suzie See's T-Shirts........................
 
Next mood swing..6 minutes.
 
I hate everybody and you're next
 
Please don't make me kill you.
 
And your point is...?
 
I used to be schizophrenic, but we're OK now.

Gentleman Gym's Generic Genius..................
 
How many roads must a man travel down before he admits he is lost
 
If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you
 
If you lived in your car, you'd be home by now
 
Money Isn't Everything, But it Sure Keeps the Kids In Touch
 
Saw it...  Wanted it...  Had a fit...  Got it!

Lucky Larry's Things not to say out loud...................
 
I can see your point, but I still think you're full of beans.
 
I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to Pronounce.
 
How about never? Is never good for you?
 
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in Public.
 
I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to see it My way.
That's it for this week from your "community organizer" lurking around the Lisbon Beltway, close to Absurdia, the principle corrupt city of The Peoples Democratic Republic of Absurdistan where the crooked Mayor got caught by talk radio taking a wage raise while cutting city services..............

But, on the other hand...............
 
You can avoid reality, but you cannot avoid the consequences of avoiding reality

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