January 16, 2009

Pushing back the frontiers of ignorance................

 
Well, President Bush proved that he was the most unaware president ever - he thanked the press!  The very people who, though much less educated than he was, portrayed him as stupid, inept and a liar.
 
The biggest lie he told was to call Islam a peaceful religion.  He obviously never read the Koran which states "convert them or kill them."  The same people that wipe their butts with their fingers but won't touch pork and are willing to strap explosives upon themselves and blow up innocent civilians.

Marvelous Mary's Meticulous Mutterings.............
 
Buffet - A French word that means "Get up and get it yourself."
 
Don't join dangerous cults: practice safe sects.
 
A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up three thousand times the memory.
 
Deja grew: The feeling you've gained weight this way before.
 
Most people don't know what they're doing, and a lot of them are really good at it
Syrupy Sarah Stringent Sayings.................
    (and a Happy Anniversary to Sarah!)
 
This is National Be On-Purpose Month
 
This is Bald Eagle Appreciation Days    [Have one for dinner!]
 
January 18 is...Creole Heritage Day
 
January 18 is...Winnie the Pooh Day
 
January 19 is...Penguin Awareness Day    [Do you have one in your neighborhood?]
 
January 20 is...National Buttercrunch Day 
 
January 20 is...National Hugging Day
 
January 21 is...Rid The World of Fad Diets and Gimmicks Day
 
January 21 is...Squirrel Appreciation Day
 
January 22 is...National Answer Your Cat's Question Day
 
January 22 is...National Blonde Brownie Day  
 
January 22 is...National Compliment Day
 
January 22 is...National Handwriting Day
 
January 23 is...Snowplow Mailbox Hockey Day
 
January 23 is...National Pie Day
 
January 23 is...Rid the World of Fad Diets and Gimmicks Day
 
January 23 is...Measure Your Feet Day  
 
January 24 is...The Most Depressing Day of the Year
 
January 24 is... Eskimo Pie Patent Day   [For all of us Isley Dairy fans!]

Happy Hilda's Hilarious Headlines.....................
 
"AGAIN"?! "Woman Sets Herself on Fire at Church Again" - Nashville Tennessean headline
 
Bad News for John McCain: "Grizzlies Maul Mavericks in Memphis" -Associated Press
 
'F--- This Impeachment S---': "Blagojevich to Swear in Senate, Then Members Start His Trial" -Chicago Tribune
 
We Blame Global Warming: "Deutsche Ban ICE Train Brakes Freeze" -Local (Germany)
 
Everything Seemingly Is Spinning Out of Control: "Bat, Maggot Invasion Ruins Australian Couple's $30,000 Wedding" -FoxNews.com
 
News You Can Use: "Financial Crisis: Boring Jobs Are Still Jobs - So Be Thankful" -Daily Telegraph (London)
 
Bottom Story of the Day: "New Jersey UFO Likely a Hoax" -LiveScience.com

Particular Paul's Perilous Puns....................
 
Once upon a time Old King Cole issued an order to his cooks. "From now on," he decreed, "chopped cabbage must be mixed with mayonnaise." To this day his decree is known as Cole's Law
 
Are you wearing your golfing socks? The pair with a hole in one.
 
When the lumberjack accidentally let his chainsaw slip he quickly became lacked toes intolerant
 
And a bonus round............
 
Once upon a time there was a woman who decided to open a tea room. She picked an ideal location and pretty soon business was booming.  Then she got greedy and thought she would skimp on the ingredients and make more profit.  She found that she could use her tea bags over and over and nobody seemed to notice.  But soon, her customers got fed up with weak tea.  Her business failed and after a while she was bankrupt.
The Moral Of The Story: Honest tea is the best policy.
Gentleman Jim's Generic Bumper Stickers.............
 
The Earth Is Full - Go Home.
 
I Have The Body Of A God - Buddha.
 
So Many Pedestrians - So Little Time.
 
Cleverly Disguised As A Responsible Adult.
 
If We Quit Voting, Will They All Go Away?

Lucky Larry didn't say out loud................
 
I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message.
 
I don't work here. I'm a consultant.
 
It sounds like English, but I can't understand a word you're saying.
 
I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
 
I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.

This week, the Mayor of Absurdia, Sheila Dixon the first female black mayor was indicted on many, many counts of fraud, theft, imitating a human being, etc.   Among the counts was stealing and using gift cards donated to be given to the poor children of Absurdia for Christmas.    So, life does not change in The People's Democratic Republic of Absurdistan..............

But, on the other hand.............
 
Gratitude is not only the greatest of virtues, but the parent of all the others.

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