January 24, 2009

Pushing back the frontiers of ignorance..................

The elected geniuses in our Annapolis government made a slight math error in their Department of Assessments and Taxation that cost the state federal grants of $31 Million ($31,000,000)  Bet you didn't read much about that in the Sun Paper!
And, about that junk science called man made global warming......... Scientists by the thousands have jumped Fat-Man Gore's propaganda machine and now admit that humans and their activity have nothing to do with climate change....  (Told ya so!)

Marvelous Mary's Meritorious Murmurings.........
Bill Clinton got the biggest response from the inauguration crowd. Apparently, thousands of women yelled, 'That's him, officer
The problem with immediate gratification is that it is not fast enough
They say that a mime is a terrible thing to waste. I find most of them go quietly.
You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me
Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
Serious Sarah's Strident Stutterings...........
This is National Hot Tea Month
This is National No Name Calling Week
January 25 is...A Room of One's Own Day
January 26 is...Fun at Work Day
January 27 is...Bubble Wrap Appreciation Day
January 27 is...Lewis Carroll Day
January 27 is...Thomas Crapper Day  
January 28 is...National Speak Up and Succeed Day
January 28 is...National Kazoo Day
January 28 is...Clash Day
January 28 is...Rattle Snake Round-Up Day  
January 29 is...Freethinkers Day
January 29 is...National Puzzle Day
January 29 is...National Cornchip Day
January 29 is...Bubble Wrap Appreciation Day
January 29 is...Freethinkers Day
January 30 is...Inane Answering Message Day
January 30 is...Escape Day
January 30 is...Workampers Day
January 31 is...Fun at Work Day
January 31 is...National Popcorn Day
January 31 is...Inspire Your Heart with Art Day
Happy Hilda's Hilarious Headlines .....................
SOME PEOPLE JUST CAN'T TAKE "NO" FOR AN ANSWER: "Burning the 'No Smoking' Sign? Law Doesn't like That, Either" - Medford (Ore.) Mail Tribune headline
We Blame Global Warming: "Bitter Cold Hits Hard Because of Economic Meltdown" -Associated Press
Help Is on the Way:
"Bone-Chilling Temperatures Settle Over East" -Associated Press
"Hammond Boy Licks Light Pole, Gets Stuck" -Associated Press
"Waxman Promises Quick Action on Climate" -Associated Press
Breaking News From Genesis 4:10-16: "COURTS: Cain Sentenced to 55 Years" -Lockport (NY) Union-Sun & Journal
Everything Seemingly Is Spinning Out of Control: "Man Accidentally Shoots Toilet After Gun in His Pants Goes Off" -FoxNews.com
News You Can Use: "How to Understand a Trillion-Dollar Deficit" -Time.com
Redundancy at Work:
"Bin Laden Urges Jihad Against Israel" - Associated Press
"Michael Moore Misuses Photo Taken by War Correspondent" -FoxNews.com

Peppy Paul's Perilous Puns.......................
A woman who was on a perennial diet, starved her husband right along with herself, till he complained to his pastor that he couldn't get his wife to serve him a decent meal and he was growing positively malnourished.  "I can't get her to listen to reason.  Maybe you can  get somewhere with her," the hubby complained.  So the pastor counseled the ever-dieting woman, who at last saw the error of her ways.  "What shall I do to make amends?" she asked her spiritual counselor.  He told her, "Just repent and thin no more
A painter's joke may be off-color while a cook's might be tasteless.
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

Gentleman Jim's Generic Daffynitions.............
Argumentative ... Are you looking for a fight?
Authoritarian ... I'll decide when you can ask me questions!
Bigotry ... I'm not going to tell someone like you.
Conditional ... Well, that depends.
Egotistical ... I'm the best person to answer that question.

Lucky Larry's Things Not To Say Out Loud...........
I like you. You remind me of myself when I was young and stupid.
You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.
I have plenty of talent and vision; I just don't give a darn.
Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.
The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.

That's it for this week from you "community organizer" who is lurking in the shadows near Absurdistan, the principle city of The Peoples Democratic Republic of Absurdistan where Rep. Lisa Gladden (whom you may remember that when she was late for her dinner appointment and had the man fired because she had to wait for a table) said that all was right with the world even though the state was broke and laying off workers, but Obama was President!

But, on the other hand.............
Failure is the opportunity to begin again more intelligently

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