February 6, 2009

Pushing back the frontiers of ignorance...........

 
A veteran is someone who, at one point in his life, wrote a blank check made payable to the United States of America for an amount of up to and including his life.
 
A wonderful thought!  At least up until you wanted "Change you can believe in"
 
According to ABC news - "Charges Withdrawn Against Alleged U.S.S. Cole Bombing Mastermind !"
 
If Al Capone had not died in 1947, he would be qualified for Obama's cabinet to run the IRS.

Marvelous Mary's Meticulous Mutterings............
 
This week, in 1961, Fidel Castro announced that he was a Marxist and would turn Cuba into a Communist country, where the government would take over all the major industries.    Or as we call that today, a bailout
 
Remember: You can't get post-traumatic stress disorder as long as you're still being traumatized.
 
You know you're on a diet when cat food commercials make you hungry.
 
My short-term memory is not as sharp as it used to be.
Also, my short-term memory's not as sharp as it used to be.
 
Out of my mind.    Back in five minutes.
Sappy Sarah's Superfluous Sayings.................
 
This is National Cherry Pie Month
 
This is Love May Make the World Go 'Round,  But Laughter Keeps Us From Getting Dizzy Week
 
February 8 is. . . Kite Flying Day  

February 8 is. . . Laugh and Get Rich Day

February 9 is. . . Man Day    [Oh Yeah!]

February 9 is. . . Toothache Day

February 9 is. . . National DAV (Develop Alternative Vices)

February 10 is. . . Umbrella Day

February 11 is. . . White Tee-Shirt Day   

February 11 is. . . Don't Cry Over Spilled Milk Day

February 11 is. . . Be Electrific Day

February 12 is. . . Darwin Day    [But it has changed!]

February 12 is. . . National Plum Pudding Day

February 12 is. . . Lost Penny Day

February 13 is. . . Get A Different Name Day  
 
February 14 is. . . Ferris Wheel Day

February 14 is. . . National Have a Heart Day

February 14 is. . . Race Relations Day    [NASCAR improves it's image

February 14 is. . . Romance & Remembrance Day  [I remember romance........]
Happy Hilda's Hilarious Headlines..........
 
LISTEN UP: "I'll Just Let this Brick Do the Talking for Me" - Memphis (Tenn.) Commercial Appeal headline
 
Questioning the Obama Administration's Patriotism: "Biden Calls Paying Higher Taxes a Patriotic Act" -MSNBC.com, 18 September 2008
 
We Blame Global Warming: "Punxsutawney Phil Sees Shadow, Winter to Continue" -Associated Press
 
Headlines Al Gore Would Like to See: "Hellishly Hot Planet Hits Highs of 2,240 Degrees Fahrenheit" -FoxNews.com
 
Nothing Gets Past Tony Blair: "Tony Blair: International Strategy on Gaza Hasn't Worked" -Ha'aretz
 
Everything Seemingly Is Spinning Out of Control: "Palin, Obama to Share Stage" -Politico.com
 
News You Can Use:
"It's the Economy, Girlfriend" -The New York Times
"Failure Is Always an Option" --Slate.com

Lucky Larry's Luxurious Levity................
 
Cashtration (n.) The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period....
 
Giraffiti (n) Vandalism spray-painted very, very high....
 
Sarchasm (n) The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it....
 
Inoculatte (v) To take coffee intravenously when you are running late....
 
Hipatitis (n) Terminal coolness....

Particular Paul's Perilous Puns....................
 
Two overweight middle-aged women are on their daily exercise stroll. They were talking about how hard it is to lose weight as one gets older, something with which all you youths must deal eventually. One woman complained that she remained an 'apple-shape' and the other said that no matter how much she exercised, there was too much poundage on her backside and thighs. It almost seemed like it was there to stay.
Her buddy agreed, saying, "It's true. The lard works in mysterious ways."
 
A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: 'Keep off the Grass.'
 
A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, 'No change yet.'
 
A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

Sappy Suzi's Stupendous Stutterings................
 
You are stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.
 
Local Area Network in Australia: The LAN down under.
 
He broke into song because he couldn't find the key.
 
A calendar's days are numbered.
 
A lot of money is tainted: 'Taint yours, and 'taint mine.

Gentleman Gym's Generic Bumper Sticker Jems...........................

Illiterate? Write For Help.
 
Honk If Anything Falls Off.
 
Cover Me, I'm Changing Lanes.
 
He Who Hesitates Not Only Is Lost, But is Miles From The Next Exit.
 
I Refuse To Have A Battle Of Wits With An Unarmed Person.

That's it from your own "community organizer" lurking near Absurdia, the principle city of The People's Democratic Republic of Absurdistan where the Mayor, Sheila Dixon, wants us to pay for her legal defense while she "works 24/7 for the people."

But, on the other hand.....................
 
If I don't know where I'm going, I'll probably end up somewhere else

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