February 13, 2009

Pushing back the frontiers of ignorance...............

"You don't make the poor richer by making the rich poorer." --Sir Winston Churchill (1874-1965)

"Wars in old times were made to get slaves. The modern implement of imposing slavery is debt." --American poet Ezra Pound (1885-1972)

"If he'd stuck around Congress a little longer, President Obama might have learned just how messy the legislative process can get without strong executive leadership. Now he's stuck trying to convince Americans that his radioactive crap sandwich is just what the doctor ordered. Good luck with that." --radio talk-show host Laura Ingraham
BTW - "Our dear leader's" FEMA did not show up in Kentucky following the ice storms for 10 (ten!) days.  Where is the outrage!  Over 50 people have died so far....

Meticulous Mary's Merry Mutterings.............
If I had $5 for every time somebody told me I was good at math, I'd have an extra $17.63.
Reality is only an illusion that occurs due to a lack of alcohol.
I like cats too.  Let's exchange recipes.
There was a woman who wanted to get something for her husband, but no one would start the bidding
Always borrow money from a pessimist; they don't expect to be paid back.

Serendipitous Sarah's Serene Stutterings.................
February is National Cherry Pie Month
This is International Flirting Week
February 15 is. . . National "I Want Butterscotch" Day

February 15 is. . . National Gum Drop Day

February 15 is. . . National Sea Monkey Day

February 16 is. . . National Slap A Cop Day

February 16 is. . . Do A Grouch A Favor Day

February 17 is. . . Champion Crab Races Day    

February 17 is. . . My Way Day

February 18 is. . . National Virginia Ham Day   [just for Debbie]

February 19 is. . . National Chocolate Mint Day

February 21 is. . . Card Reading Day

Happy Hilda's Hilarious Headlines.............
THERE'S A LESSON WE CAN ALL LEARN FROM: "Alleged" Bremerton Shoplifter: "Nothing Goes Right When I Do Heroin" - Kitsap (Wash.) Sun headline
Step 1: Pay Your Taxes: "How to Avoid a Tom Daschle Tax Problem" -The New York Times
We Blame Global Warming: "Media Worldwide Face Climate of Fear, Report Says" -Associated Press
Help Wanted: "San Francisco Officials Seek Toilet Torcher" -MSNBC.com
Everything Seemingly Is Spinning Out of Control: "Court: Giant Inflatable Rat Has Free-Speech Rights" -MSNBC.com
News You Can Use: "Losing Sleep? Don't Stash Your Money Under the Mattress Advises TD Waterhouse" -TD Bank Financial Group press release
Redundancy at Work: "PETA Compares Kennel Club to KKK" -New Zealand Herald

Swifty Suzi's Semi-serious Sayings.................
The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered.
A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in France, resulted in Linoleum Blownapart.
A boiled egg is hard to beat.
He had a photographic memory which was never developed.
A plateau is a high form of flattery.

Lucky Larry's Leaving Definitions.........................
Evasive ... Have you done your homework today?
Exhausted ... I'm too tired to answer you right now.
Flatulent ... That question really stinks!
Greedy ... What's in it for me if I tell you?
Hostile ... If you ask me just one more question, I'll kill you!

Perilous Paul's Particular Puns.............
There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest.  He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win.  Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.
Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
Gentleman Jim's Generic Pennsylvaniacs...............
Pull your droopy pants up.  You look like an idiot! 
Turn your cap right, your head isn't crooked.
Let's get this straight; it's called a "dirt road,"   No matter how slow you drive, you're going to get dust on your Lexus.   Drive it or get out of the way. 
They are cattle.  They're live steaks.  That's why they smell funny to you.  Get over it!  Don't like it?  I-80 goes east and west.  I-79 goes north and south.  Pick one.........
So you have a $60,000 car.  We're impressed.  We have $150,000 corn pickers and hay balers that are only driven 3 weeks a year................

That's it for this week from your "neighborhood organizer"  who will be spending most of his time searching in The Peoples Republic of Absurdistan for a Democrat that has paid all of his taxes and/or not hired an "illegal."

But, on the other hand.............
You can't change the past, but you can ruin the present by worrying over the future.

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