February 20, 2009

Pushing back the frontiers of ignorance...........

 
With interest, the $787 billion bill bailout will cost us, our children and their children about $1.14 trillion. That works out to about $30,000 in new debt for each American household.  Worse still, the twenty most popular provisions in the bill will cost us $3.27 trillion over the next twenty years.
 
Senatorette Debby Stabinow who is pushing hard for the passage of the so-called "Fairness Doctrine" has failed to mention that her husband is the founder of "Air America" and other failed Liberal talk shows.   What you can't achieve in the marketplace - legislate!

Mellifluous Mary's Meticulous Mutterings..........
 
This month has a Presidents Day. Congress commemorated George Washington’s throwing a dollar across the Potomac by throwing $780 billion down a rat hole
 
The Weather Channel reported that a cold front descended on South Florida Wednesday and ruined orange crops. It was the coldest three days anyone could remember. The national media wasted no time giving President Obama credit for ending global warming
 
The trouble with the economy is that we’re operating in the red while hoping to get money out of the blue.
 
Political correctness means "always having to say you're sorry."
Serious Sarah's Strenuous Stipulations...................
 
February is National Hot Breakfast Month
 
This is Nostalgia Week
 
February 22 is. . . Be Humble Day    (Yeh, that will happen!]

February 23 is. . . International Dog Biscuit Appreciation Day     [need I add more?]

February 23 is. . . Curling is Cool Day

February 24 is. . . National Tortilla Chip Day

February 25 is. . . Pistol Patent Day (Samuel Colt)  
 
February 25 is. . . Spay Day USA    [Have your loved one spayed or neutered]

February 26 is. . . National Pistachio Day

February 26 is. . . For Pete's Sake Day
Happy Hilda's Hilarious Headlines.................
 
FLORIDA FOOD FIGHTS:
"Deltona Man Arrested in Taco Assault on Mom" - Orlando (Fla.) Sentinel headline;
"Woman Batters Man with Bagel" -St. Petersburg (Fla.) Times headline, two days later
 
The End of History: Part II: "Lawmakers Say All Issues Settled in Stimulus Bill" -Associated Press
 
Wow, He's an Artist Too!: "Obama Paints Picture of GOP Adversaries" -Los Angeles Times
 
The Address Is IRS.gov: "Web Site Created to Accept Donations for Octuplets' Mom" -FoxNews.com
 
Everything Seemingly Is Spinning Out of Control: "Warbling Opera Singer Mistaken for Assault Victim" -Local (Sweden)
 
News You Can Use: "Why You Don't Want to Die on a Sunday in Detroit" -The Wall Street Journal
 
Redundancy at Work: "2010 Olympics Just a Year Away" -Toronto Star

Serious Suzi's Stringent Stipulations....................
 
Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.
 
When you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall.
 
If you jump off a Paris bridge, you are in Seine.
 
When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.
 
Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.

Parsnipity Paul's Perilous puns......................
 
Evan and Dai were lost in the desert, and were dying of thirst. All at once they saw a collection of tents and market stalls in the distance.  They rushed into the first and asked if they sold water.   "No," replied the Arab within, "We only have custard." The men went into the next tent and asked the same question. "I'm sorry," said the second Arab, "We only sell jelly." Perplexed, the men went to the last stall in the market, once again asking if there is any water to spare. "A thousand apologies," said the Arab, "We only have sponge cakes."   The men left, disappointed and a little confused. "That was weird," said Evan.  "Yes," replied Dai, "It was a trifle bazaar."
 
The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
 
The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

Gentleman Jim's Generic Gems..................
 
So, every person in rural Pennsylvania waves. We think of it as a being friendly.  Try to understand the concept
 
If that cell phone rings while an 8-point buck and three does are coming in, we will shoot it out of your hand.  You better hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time.
 
Yeah, we eat taters & gravy, beans and cornbread.  We fry our fish after "catch in" them.  If you really want sushi & caviar?  It's available at the local bait shop.
 
The "opener" refers to the first day of deer season.   It's a religious holiday held on the Monday after Thanksgiving.
 
We open doors for women.  That is applied to ALL women, regardless of age.
Lucky Larry's Lucid Levity.......................
 
Biblical ways to get a wife:
 
Find an attractive prisoner of war, bring her home, shave her head, trim her nails, and give her new clothes. Then she's yours. - (Deuteronomy 21:11-13)
 
Find a prostitute and marry her. - (Hosea 1:1-3)
 
Find a man with seven daughters, and impress him by watering his flock. - Moses (Ex 2:16-21)
 
Purchase a piece of property, and get a woman as part of the deal.  Boaz (Ruth 4:5-10)
 
Go to a party and hide. When the women come out to dance, grab one and carry her off to be your wife. - Benjaminites (Judges 21:19-25)

That's enough for this week from your "unfunded neighborhood organizer" lurking on the edge of Absurdia,  the principle city of The Peoples Democratic Republic of Absurdistan where state employees are being furloughed because our legislature and boy governor have spent us into a real problem.
But, on the other hand...............
 
God always gives His best to those who leave the choice to Him.

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