February 27, 2009
Pushing back the frontiers of
Back in 166 A.D. Emperor Hadrian had a
complete stone wall and ditch built the whole way across England (about 80
miles) to keep those horrible Scots out.... and did it in 4 years. In
2005, Congress was supposed to build a 660 mile simple fence at our border
with Mexico. Still not near done and you want them in charge of your
As with the Clintons, Obama so earnestly
believes in public school education that he sends his girls to an expensive
private school. He demands that taxpayers support the very public
schoolteachers he won't trust with his own children.
Merry Mary's Mirthful Mutterings...............
I was depressed last night so I called Lifeline. Got a call center in
Pakistan. I told them I was suicidal. They got all excited, and asked if I
could drive a truck.
Friends come and go...but enemies accumulate.
In just two days from now, tomorrow will be yesterday.
My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four...unless there
are three other people.
"Happiness can't buy money"
Serendipitous Sarah's Stringent Stutterings............
March is International Mirth Month
This is National Pancake Week and
National Procrastination Week - so put off those pancakes till next week!
March 1 is . . National Pig Day
March 1 is . . Peanut Butter Lover's Day
March 2 is . . Namesake Day
March 2 is . . Old Stuff Day
March 3 is . . I Want You To Be Happy Day
March 3 is . . What If Cats and Dogs Had Opposable Thumbs Day
March 3 is . . Peach Blossom Day
March 4 is . . Hug a GI Day
March 4 is . . International Pancake Day
March 4 is . . Unique Names Day
March 5 is . . Hemlock Day
March 5 is . . Learn What Your Name Means Day
March 5 is . . Multiple Personalities Day [So get them together &
March 6 is . . National Salesperson's Day
March 7 is . . National Crown Roast Of Pork Day
Happy Hilda's Hilarious Headlines..............
TAKES A THRASHING, KEEPS ON CRASHING: "Oldsmar Man Arrested after Crashing
into Parked Car, Store, Fence, Then Tree" - St. Petersburg Times headline
Maybe Better Spam Filters Should Be a TARP Precondition: "Nigerian Accused
in Scheme to Swindle Citibank" -The New York Times
Fortunately, the Stimulus Includes $15 Billion for Chum: "Shark Attacks
Drop; Expert Cites Ailing Economy" -MSNBC.com
That's Not the Only Thing He Should Have Better Regulated: "Bill Clinton: I
Should Have Better Regulated Derivatives" -CNN.com
The Terrible Truth About Nazi Germany: "Adolf Hitler Had 'Shocking' Table
Manners" -Times (London)
Everything Seemingly Is Spinning Out of Control: "Experts Warn of
'Terminator'-Style Military-Robot Rebellion" -FoxNews.com
Scariest Story of the Day: "Carter Voices Confidence in Obama Stimulus Plan"
Particular Paul's Perilous Puns............
The great German actress Brunhilda Von Divagruber had achieved everything
she wanted in life but for one honor: She'd never won an Academy Award.
One day she was called by the great director Meyer Schmidtenlager and asked
to review a new script he had. An Oscar winner for sure!
She read the script and immediately accepted it. "Iss my type of script,
Meyer, I'd luff to be an Oscar winner, Meyer!"
There was a Chinese woman married to a Czech. I guess that makes her
children Chinese Czechers
Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the
other, 'You stay here, I'll go on a head.'
Serious Suzi's Stipulations........................
Acupuncture: a jab well done.
Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you
realize it was your money to start with.
Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
Bozone: The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from
penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking
down in the near future.
Cashtration: The act of buying a house, which renders the subject
financially impotent for an indefinite period.
Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
Lucky Larry's More Ways To Get A Wife...............
Have God create a wife for you while you sleep. Note: this will cost you. -
Adam (Gen 2:19-24)
Agree to work seven years in exchange for a woman's hand in marriage. Get
tricked into marrying the wrong woman. Then work another seven years for the
woman you wanted to marry in the first place. That's right. Fourteen years
of toil for a wife. - Jacob (Genesis
Cut 200 foreskins off of your future father-in-law's enemies and get his
daughter for a wife - David (I Samuel 18:27)
Even if no one is out there, just wander around a bit and you'll definitely
find someone. (It's all relative, of course.) - Cain (Genesis 4:16-17)
Gentleman Jim's Generic Pennsylvania Gems.............
No, there's no 'vegetarian special' on the menu. Order steak or you can
order the chef's salad and pick off the two pounds of ham and turkey.
When we fill out a table, there are three main dishes: meats (includes
fish), vegetables and breads. We use four spices: salt, pepper,hot sauce
and ketchup. Oh yeah.... we don't care what you folks in Jersey call that
stuff you eat...it ain't real chili!!!
You bring 'coke' into my house, it better be brown, wet and served over ice!
You bring 'mary jane' into my house, she better be cute, know how to shoot
and have long hair.
College and high school football is as important here as the Eagles and
Steelers, and a dang site more fun to watch
Yeah, we have golf courses, but don't hit the water hazards----it scares the
That's it for this week from your "unfunded neighborhood organizer"
lurking on the edge of Absurdia, the principle city of The Peoples
Democratic Republic of Absurdistan where we are expecting more huge fees and
taxes to support "change you can believe in" even when everyone knows it
won't work - like the Poverty Program.
But, on the other hand...............