March 6, 2009

Pushing back the frontiers of ignorance.................

 
Now I know why Obama picked Biden for his VP.  He can be the pooper scooper for the new pet dog Obama is adopting - at last, a job he is qualified for.
 
Here we go again: President Obama’s latest nominee for U.S. trade representative, a man named Ron Kirk, owes $10,000 in unpaid back taxes. Apparently when it comes to taxes, “yes we can” is now “no we didn’t.”
 
'The trouble with our liberal friends is not that they're ignorant; it's just that they know so much that isn't so

Marvelous Mary's Meticulous Mutterings..............
 
It is better to have loafed and lost than never to have loafed at all. 
 
The smartest advice on raising children is to enjoy them while they are still on your side
 
The guy who invented the first wheel was an idiot.  The guy who invented the other three, HE was a genius." 
 
Iran is going to build an island just for women who want to go on vacation. No men will be allowed on the island. Which leads to the question, 'If something goes wrong, whose fault will it be?
 
There is nothing worse than the headachization from people who verbize nouns instead of dictionarying the right word. That's weird;  I suddenly need to aspirinate myself. - ?George W. Bush?

Serendipitous Sarah's Strident Stutterings...........
 
March is Keep Your Shoelaces Tied Month
 
This is National Toad Hollow Week
 
March 8 is . . Be Nasty Day

March 8 is . . Uppity Women's Day    [Bet I hear from some on THIS one!]

March 9 is . . Panic Day

March 10 is . . Festival Of Life In The Cracks Day   

March 10 is . . Mario Day    [Andretti?]

March 11 is . . Dream Day

March 11 is . . Organize Your Home Office Day

March 11 is . . Johnny Appleseed Day
 
March 11 is . . Worship of Tools Day     [Hey Guys!]

March 12 is . . Alfred Hitchcock Day

March 13 is . . National Open An Umbrella Indoors Day

March 13 is . . Jewel Day

March 14 is . . National Potato Chip Day    [This is important!]
Happy Hilda's Hilarious Headlines...............
 
WILD NIGHT AT THE SALOON: "Elk Gets Bar Stool Stuck on Head in Eagle -Animal in Eagle CO Not Impaired; Just Looks Goofy" - Vail (Colo.) daily headline
 
Hey, Keep That Stimulus Package to Yourself!: "Groping for the Economy's Bottom" -Yahoo Tech Ticker
 
We Blame Global Warming: "NASA Global Warming Satellite Has Troubled Launch" -Associated Press
 
Everything Seemingly Is Spinning Out of Control: "Is Global Warming Confusing Pelicans?" -Daily Breeze (Torrance, CA)
 
News You Can Use: "Hey Californians: Click Here to Find Missing Money" -KNTV Web site (San Jose, CA)
 
Redundancy at Work: "Obama Calls for New Regulations" -Boston Globe
Particular Paul's Pontifical Puns.......................
 
A carpenter in New Hampshire was called upon to put up a bulletin board in the church vestry. Since the walls were marble, he tried to glue it rather than nail it but ran into problems until he tried making the frame out of burr oak. That adhered quite successfully, leading him to admonish his young assistant, "If it ain't burr oak,  don't affix it!"
 
A young man was in love with two women and could not decide which of them to marry. Finally, he went to a marriage counselor. The counselor asked, "Please describe your two loves."
"Well, one is a great poet."
"And the other?"
"The other makes delicious pancakes."
"I see. So, you can't decide whether to marry for batter or for verse."
 
A backward poet writes inverse.
 
In democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes.

Saintly Suzi's Serendipitous Sayings..................
 
Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.

Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.

Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease.
 
Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's, like, a serious bummer.
Gentleman Jim's Generous Gem Bumper Stickers.........
 
Your ridiculous little opinion has been noted
 
"IF YOU CAN'T FEED EM, DON'T BREED EM!"
 
Constipated People Don't Give A Crap.
 
You! Out Of The Gene Pool - Now!
 
I Do Whatever My Rice Krispies Tell Me To.

Lucky Larry's Biblical Ways To Get A Wife..........
 
Become the emperor of a huge nation and hold a beauty contest. - Xerxes or Ahasuerus (Esther 2:3-4)
 
When you see someone you like, go home and tell your parents, "I have seen a... woman; now get her for me." If your parents question your decision, simply say, "Get her for me. She's the one for me." - Samson (Judges 14:1-)
 
Kill any husband and take HIS wife (Prepare to lose four sons, though). - David (2 Samuel 11)
 
Wait for your brother to die. Take his widow. (It's not just a good idea; it's the law.) - Onana and Boaz (Deuteronomy or Leviticus, example in Ruth)
 
Don't be so picky. Make up for quality with quantity. - Solomon (1 Kings 11:1-3)

That's it from your personal neighborhood organizer for this week here near Absurdia, the principle city of The People's Republic of Absurdistan where the newspaper of record, The Baltimore Sun, noting the increase of crime committed by illegal immigrants, immediately called for tougher gun laws.  Can you understand this thinking? 
 
But, on the other hand.......................
 
The choice you make today will usually affect tomorrow.

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