March 27, 2009

Pushing back the frontiers of ignorance...........


Here is a gift for your children and your grandchildren - The nonpartisan Congressional Budget Office (CBO) says that President Obama’s budget and deficit projections are too low. The president’s budget will incur $9.3 trillion in federal deficits between 2010 and 2019 --$2.3 trillion higher than Obama had originally claimed.
 
The government had to bail out two huge companies, and today they strongly hinted that they'd bail out others... at taxpayers' expense of course. It's all part of a new approach that leaders in the White House and Congress are taking — it's called socialism.
 
And the Republicans, known as the stupid party, have not offered a budget of any kind as yet.   Guess they are busy elsewhere?

Meticulous Mary's Mercurial Mutterings..........

Most people don't know what they're doing, and a lot of
them are really good at it.

I may not be perfect yet but I'm so close it scares me!

Q: What do you call the wife of a Hippie? A: Mississippi.

March Madness. The N.C.A.A. tournament starts out at 65, then it goes right to 64, then 32, then 16, then four, then down to just one. It's like G.M. stock.

Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever.


Syrupy Sarah's Serendipitous Solicitations...........
 
April is Holy Humor Month
 
This is National Scoop the Poop Week
 
April 29 is National Shrimp Scampi Day
 
April 30 is National Honesty Day
 
April 30 is Spank Your Kids Day
 
May 1 is . . Loyalty Day

May 1 is . . Mother Goose Day

May 1 is . . Save The Rhino Day  

May 1 is . . National Bubba Day

May 1 is . . School Principals' Day    [And the retired ones like Slagle!]

May 2 is . . Sibling Appreciation Day

May 2 is . . Fire Day

May 3 is . . Lumpy Rug Day

May 3 is . . Do Dah Day

May 4 is . . National Meeting Planners Appreciation Day

May 4 is . . National Weather Observer's Day

May 4 is . . Relationship Renewal Day

May 4 is . . Kite Day

May 4 is . . National Candied Orange Peel Day

Happy Hilda's Hilarious Headlines................
 
ALL IN THE FAMILY: "Father, Son Arrested Bailing Out Mom, Sister" -Hartford (Conn.) Courant headline
 
Now He Tells Us!: "Obama Asks Americans Not to Expect Too Much From Him" -Associated Press
 
What an Insensitive Headline: "Chinks Exposed in Obama's Taliban Plan" -Asia Times
 
No One Knows for Sure: "Guess Profit Falls 13 Percent" -Los Angeles Business Journal
 
Drinking and Driving Don't Mix: "Wild Turkey Sends Maine Motorcyclist to Hospital" -Associated Press
 
News You Can Use: "Scientists: We're Doomed. Or Are We?" -Greenpeace UK Web site
 
Redundancies of the Day:
"Animal Rights, Circus Lawyers Differ on Elephants" --Associated Press
"Gore to Revisit Climate Crisis in New Book" -New York Times Web site
Particular Paul's Penitent Puns...................
 
It occurred to me the other day that yogurt has a long whey to go before it becomes popular culture.
 
A young missionary on his first term in Africa was reading his Bible in a clearing when a lion came up and laid down beside him. As he quietly prayed for deliverance, another lion came out of the bush and laid down by his other side. Convinced that this was a test of his faith, he returned to reading his Bible. As soon as he did, the two lions pounced on him and devoured him. Moral: Don't try to read between the lions.
 
A motorcycle enthusiast complained that he couldn't decide whether to buy a bike with high top speed and poor acceleration, or one with lots of torque and fast acceleration, but a poor top speed. Eventually he decided on the second one, because it cost a lot less. After all, torque is cheap!  

Gentleman Jim's Generic Gems.........................
(and bumper stickers)
 
Fight Crime: Shoot Back!
 
(Seen Upside Down On A Jeep) If You Can Read This, Please Flip Me Back Over...
 
Stop Lights Timed For 35 mph Also Are Timed For 70 mph
 
If Walking Is So Good For You, Then Why Does My Mailman Look Like Jabba The Hut?
 
Ax Me About Ebonics.
Luxurious Larry's Light Leavings..........................
(and anagrams)
 
DORMITORY: When you rearrange the letters:
DIRTY ROOM
 
PRESBYTERIAN:  When you rearrange the letters:
BEST IN PRAYER
 
ASTRONOMER:  When you rearrange the letters:
MOON STARER
 
DESPERATION:   When you rearrange the letters:
A ROPE ENDS IT
 
THE EYES:  When you rearrange the letters: 
THEY SEE

Serendipitous Suzi's Semiserious Sayings..............
 
Decafalon: The grueling regimen of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.

Glibido: All talk and no action.

Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

Arachnoleptic fit: The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.

Beelzebug: Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
That's it from "Your Community Organizer" for this week.  Just remember our Boy Governor's great ideas like "The crime perpetrated by illegal aliens has gotten really bad - we need to take the guns away from the citizens."

But, on the other hand............
 
No matter who says what, you should accept it with a smile and do your own work.

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