April 3,2009

Pushing back the frontiers of ignorance...............


Clearly, Obama IS the second coming of J.C. -  (Jimmy Carter!)

Call Obama when your muffler goes bad - he is insuring aftermarket repairs for GM & Chrysler!

Corruption is as corruption does: "If I'm corrupt, it's because I take care of my district." --Rep. John Murtha (D-PA)

A socialist is somebody who doesn't have anything, and is ready to divide it up equally among everybody

According to the government, Rick Wagoner was forced to resign because of poor performance. That's embarrassing -- run an organization that loses billions of dollars and then get fired by a guy who heads up an organization that loses trillions of dollars.


Meticulous Mary's Melodic Murmurings................

What this country needs are more unemployed politicians.

The last thing I want to do is insult you. But it IS on the list

The noblest of all dogs is the hot-dog; it feeds the hand that bites it


Atheists can't solve exponential equations because they don't believe in higher powers

Always and never are two words you should always remember never to use.

Soapy Sarah's Serene Sayings..............

April is International Twit Award Month

This is Hate Week    [I hate to remind you of this]

April 5 is Go For Broke Day

April 6 is Sorry Charlie Day

April 6 is Check Your Batteries Day

April 6 is National Repot Your Plant Day

April 6 is National Tomato Day

April 6 is Tartan Day    [for us Scots!]

April 7 is National Workplace Napping Day

April 7 is No Housework Day

April 8 is All Is Ours Day

April 8 is International Feng Shui Awareness Day    [watch out for that shui!]

April 9 is Stories Day

April 9 is Yourself Day

April 10 is National Sibling Day

April 10 is Golfers Day

April 10 is Vote Lawyers Out of Office Day

April 11 is Eight-Track Tape Day


Happy Hilda's Hilarious Headlines.................

On the rocks: "Alcoholic Hand Gels Removed from Hospitals after Patients Use Them to Get Drunk" - London Telegraph headline

What Would Obama Do Without Experts?: "Experts: Obama Needs to Watch the Gaffes" -The Hill

This Is Why We Need Scissors-Defense: "North Korea May Also Launch Mid-Range Missile-Paper" -Reuters

Is There Anything They Won't Blame Him For?: "Bush Fire Threatens Icy Northern Wonder" ---CBC.ca

Everything Is Spinning Out of Control: "Earth Hour Candle Sets Mississauga Townhouse Ablaze" -National Post (Canada)

Redundant Stories of the Day: "Canada Objects to France's Claim on Coastal Waters" --Canwest News Service


Saucy Suzi's Syrupy Sayings..................

Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.

DUST: Mud with the juice squeezed out.

EGOTIST: Someone who is usually me-deep in conversation.

HANDKERCHIEF: Cold Storage.

INFLATION: Cutting money in half without damaging the paper.


Gentleman Jim's Juicy Gems.......................
(And bumper stickers)

Body By Nautilus; Brain By Mattel

Boldly Going Nowhere.

Caution - Driver Legally Blonde.

Heart Attacks: God's Revenge For Eating His Animal Friends

Honk If You've Never Seen An Uzi Fired From A Car Window.


Lucky Larry's Litigious Leavings................

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are flat?

Why do banks charge a fee on 'insufficient funds' when they know there is already not enough?

Why did Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?


That's it for this week from the famous Lisbon Beltway (picture to come soon) where we celebrate the illegal acts of Mayor Sheila Dixon and Governor Martin O'Malley, both with constant police protection but do not want their voters to protect themselves.


BUT, on the other hand..............

Anger is a wind which blows out the lamp of the mind.


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