April 24, 2009
Pushing back the frontiers of
The three newest ideas from the
Republicans to hold off Socialism:
And you wonder why I call the
Republicans the "Stupid Party!"
President Obama's Cabinet - The criminal
And you wonder why I call the
Democratic Party the "Evil Party!"
Meticulous Mary's Marvelous
I had a lemonade stand for about six weeks when I was a kid.
I had to burn it down and collect insurance to make money!
Did you ever notice: The Roman Numerals for forty (40) are "
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains
because the average man can see better than he can think.
How many miss the good old days, when America was just
My teacher thinks I'm going to be famous. She said, "All you
have to do is mess up one more time and you're history
Stupendous Sarah's Serendipitous Sayings................
April is National Pecan Month
This is National Scoop the Poop Week
April 26 is Richter Scale Day
April 26 is National Pretzel Day
April 26 is Hug An Australian Day
April 26 is National Sense of Smell Day
April 27 is Industry Day
April 27 is No Excuse Day
April 27 is Tell A Story Day
April 28 is Great Poetry Reading Day
April 28 is Kiss Your Mate Day
April 29 is National Shrimp Scampi Day
April 30 is National Honesty Day
Happy Hilda's Hilarious Headlines...................
No Blood for Oil!: "Red Cross Offering Gas for Blood" -Associated Press
Barack Obama, the Only Sane Choice: "Nutter Endorses Clinton" -Philadelphia
EVERY DAY SEEMED LIKE A LIFETIME: "Richard Nolte, Three-Week Ambassador
During Six-Day War, Dies at 86" - New York Times headline
Just Ask John Kerry: "Trouble Afoot With Flip-Flops" -USA Today
Most Likely Eating: "Obese Young Americans Doing Something" -KLTV Web site
That's Easy for You to Say!: "I Enjoy My Summertime Colle" -Ann Arbor (MI)
Or, 'A Suicide Succeeds': "An Attempted Suicide Turns Deadly" -KOLD-TV Web
site (Tucson, AZ)
Saucy Suzy's Sayings.............................
A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to death.
Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour
The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like a human jumping the
length of a football field
The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds. (What could be so tasty on the
bottom of a pond?)
Butterflies taste with their feet.
Gentleman Jim's Generic Jottings.................
(and favorite bumper Stickers)
I was beat up by your honor student
Gates lied, Netscape died!
Daylight is over-rated
Hit my bumper to continue
Particular Paul's Perilous Puns....................
There's a vet who some horse owners say
Is so good that they willingly pay
A large sum of money.
You might think it's funny;
He's known as the doc of the bay.
Two Mexican detectives were investigating the murder of Juan Gonzalez. "How
was he killed?" asked one detective. "With a golf gun," the other detective
replied. "A golf gun! What is a golf gun?' 'I don't know. But it sure made
a hole in Juan."
This company had a real superior product in its butter substitute, but the
company went under one time when it received an order for a million pounds
of the stuff. Some of the employees made mistakes in preparing the product
and much of it was wasted. They were not able to deliver in time. The
company had not allowed enough margarine for error.
Lucky Larry's Leavings.....................
Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both
If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?
If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables,
then what is baby oil made from?
If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
That's it for this week from your "Community Organizer" lost in the
'burbs of Absurdia, the principle city of The Peoples Democratic Republic of
Absurdistan where our soon to be indicted Mayor, Sheila Dixon and her band
of fellow criminals known as the City Council bought the defunct Senator
There are two schools of thought on why:
1. They thought they were buying the state senate.
2. The theater has lost so much money for so long that it was a
living example of their political party.
But, on the other hand: