May 8, 2009

Pushing back the frontiers of Socialist Fascism..............

 
The U.S. Navy launched a nuclear submarine named after Jimmy Carter. Experts say the sub will be totally ineffective for four years, but tremendously respected once it's retired.
 
Arlen Specter has got to learn that for years he has been lying out of the right side of his mouth, and now suddenly he has to start lying out the left side of his mouth.
 
Arlen Specter and Barbara Boxer.  Together At Last!
 
Over 100 countries agreed on a U. N. declaration to combat intolerance worldwide unless it's aimed at Miss California.
 
The Republican leaders newest ideas to combat out-of-wedlock births which now have passed 40% in this country:
1.

Merry Mary's Mirthful Meanderings................
 
What the world needs is more geniuses with humility, there are so few of us left
 
Any fool can criticize, complain, and condemn. And most do.
 
When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
 
Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live  forever.
 
I managed a towel factory for a while, until it folded.

Superficial Sarah's Stupendous Stutterings.............
 
May is More Than Just A Pretty Face Month
 
This is National Bug An Elder Week
 
May 10 is . . Astrology Day    [What's your sign, honey?]

May 10 is . . Trust Your Intuition Day    [You have to trust SOMEBODY]

May 10 is . . Clean Up Your Room Day

May 11 is . . Eat What You Want Day

May 11 is . . Twilight Zone Day

May 11 is . . National Allergy Day    [Sneeze one for me]

May 12 is . . Limerick Day    [There once was a ...........]

May 13 is . . Leprechaun Day

May 14 is . . National Dance Like A Chicken Day  

May 15 is . . National Chocolate Chip Day

May 16 is . . Wear No Purple Day  

May 16 is . . National Bike to Work Day    [And try not to get run over]

May 16 is . . National Defend Your Own Self Day

Happy Hilda's Hilarious Headlines.....................
 
THEY HAVE AN OINTMENT FOR THAT NOW: "Burning Wok Caused Sex Shop Fire" - New Zealand Herald
 
He Was Hoping to Remake the Country!:
 "Obama, on 100th Day, Says He Is 'Remaking' America" -Bloomberg
"President Obama 'Humbled' by Limits of Job" -USA Today
 
We All Have to Make Sacrifices: "First Lady Michelle Obama Steps Out in Lanvin Sneakers and They're Only $540!" -Daily News (New York)
 
Everything Is Spinning Out of Control:
"Woman Steals Ambulance, Tears Up Grass Doing 'Donuts' in Millennium Park" -Chicago Sun-Times
 
News of the Tautological: "Flushing Government Stimulus Cash Down the Toilet?" -Associated Press
 
News You Can Use: "Airline Seats to Mexico Easy to Come By" -Associated Press
 
More News You Can Use: "Unlocked Vehicles Targets for Theft" -Portsmouth (NH) Herald 
 
Redundant Story of the Day: "Two Men Ordered to Stay Away From Britney Spears" -Reuters

Simply Suzi's Semi-serious Sayings..............
 
Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.  
 
Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease
 
Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.  
 
Glibido: All talk and no action.  
 
Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.  
Lucky Larry's Generic Bumper Stickers...............
 
These colors don't run. And neither can I.
 
My other car is a DeLorean with a Flux Capacitor
 
Tape on your glasses *is* the Prime Directive
 
WWWWD? (What would Wil Wheaton do?)
 
Chugh SoH vam tlho'llj tlhlngon ghojmoH  (If you can read this, thank a Klingon teacher)

Populist Paul's Enigmatic Book Titles.................
 
Drink And Grow Rich
 
Stop Molesting Your Inner Child!
 
The Couch Potato's Guide to Becoming a TV-Watchin' Tub o' Lard
 
Tequila Shots for the Soul
 
Men Are From Mars!  We're #1!  Go Mars!     We're Gonna Kick Your Ass, Venus!

Gentleman Jim's Generic Gems..................
 
Don't let your worries get the best of you; Remember, Moses started out as a basket case.

Some people are kind, polite, and sweet-spirited until you try to sit in their pews.

Many folks want to serve God, But only as advisers.

It is easier to preach ten sermons than it is to live one.

The good Lord didn't create anything without a purpose, but mosquitoes come close.

That's about it from your "embedded community organizer" for this week where we hear that Carlos Slim, described in 2007 as a "thief" and "robber baron" by a Times editorial writer, is now "a very shrewd businessman with an appreciation for great brands," according to the paper's publisher. What changed? A $250 million loan from Slim to the New York Times Company, for one.  Proving once again that  Arthur Ochs "Pinch" Sulzberger Jr. is a two-faced hypocrite.
But, on the other hand.................
 
Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.

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