May 8, 2009
Pushing back the frontiers of
The U.S. Navy launched a nuclear
submarine named after Jimmy Carter. Experts say the sub will be totally
ineffective for four years, but tremendously respected once it's retired.
Arlen Specter has got to learn that for
years he has been lying out of the right side of his mouth, and now suddenly
he has to start lying out the left side of his mouth.
Arlen Specter and Barbara Boxer.
Together At Last!
Over 100 countries agreed on a U. N.
declaration to combat intolerance worldwide — unless it's aimed at Miss
The Republican leaders newest ideas to
combat out-of-wedlock births which now have passed 40% in this country:
Merry Mary's Mirthful
What the world needs is more geniuses
with humility, there are so few of us left
Any fool can criticize, complain, and
condemn. And most do.
When everything is coming your way,
you're in the wrong lane.
Brain cells come and brain cells go, but
fat cells live forever.
I managed a towel factory for a while,
until it folded.
Superficial Sarah's Stupendous
May is More Than Just A Pretty Face
This is National Bug An Elder Week
May 10 is . . Astrology Day [What's
your sign, honey?]
May 10 is . . Trust Your Intuition
Day [You have to trust SOMEBODY]
May 10 is . . Clean Up Your Room Day
May 11 is . . Eat What You Want Day
May 11 is . . Twilight Zone Day
May 11 is . . National Allergy Day
[Sneeze one for me]
May 12 is . . Limerick Day [There
once was a ...........]
May 13 is . . Leprechaun Day
May 14 is . . National Dance Like A
May 15 is . . National Chocolate Chip
May 16 is . . Wear No Purple Day
May 16 is . . National Bike to Work
Day [And try not to get run over]
May 16 is . . National Defend Your Own
Happy Hilda's Hilarious
THEY HAVE AN OINTMENT FOR THAT NOW:
"Burning Wok Caused Sex Shop Fire" - New Zealand Herald
He Was Hoping to Remake the Country!:
"Obama, on 100th Day, Says He Is 'Remaking' America" -Bloomberg
"President Obama 'Humbled' by Limits of Job" -USA Today
We All Have to Make Sacrifices: "First
Lady Michelle Obama Steps Out in Lanvin Sneakers and They're Only $540!"
-Daily News (New York)
Everything Is Spinning Out of Control:
"Woman Steals Ambulance, Tears Up Grass Doing 'Donuts' in Millennium Park"
News of the Tautological: "Flushing
Government Stimulus Cash Down the Toilet?" -Associated Press
News You Can Use: "Airline Seats to
Mexico Easy to Come By" -Associated Press
More News You Can Use: "Unlocked
Vehicles Targets for Theft" -Portsmouth (NH) Herald
Redundant Story of the Day: "Two Men
Ordered to Stay Away From Britney Spears" -Reuters
Simply Suzi's Semi-serious
Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.
Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease
Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody
is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth
explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.
Glibido: All talk and no action.
Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid
ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
Lucky Larry's Generic Bumper
These colors don't run. And neither can
My other car is a DeLorean with a Flux
Tape on your glasses *is* the Prime
WWWWD? (What would Wil Wheaton do?)
Chugh SoH vam tlho'llj tlhlngon ghojmoH
(If you can read this, thank a Klingon teacher)
Populist Paul's Enigmatic Book
Drink And Grow Rich
Stop Molesting Your Inner Child!
The Couch Potato's Guide to Becoming a
TV-Watchin' Tub o' Lard
Tequila Shots for the Soul
Men Are From Mars! We're #1! Go
Mars! We're Gonna Kick Your Ass, Venus!
Gentleman Jim's Generic
Don't let your worries get the best of
you; Remember, Moses started out as a basket case.
Some people are kind, polite, and
sweet-spirited until you try to sit in their pews.
Many folks want to serve God, But only
It is easier to preach ten sermons than
it is to live one.
The good Lord didn't create anything
without a purpose, but mosquitoes come close.
That's about it from your "embedded
community organizer" for this week where we hear that Carlos Slim,
described in 2007 as a "thief" and "robber baron" by a Times editorial
writer, is now "a very shrewd businessman with an appreciation for great
brands," according to the paper's publisher. What changed? A $250 million
loan from Slim to the New York Times Company, for one. Proving once again
that Arthur Ochs "Pinch" Sulzberger Jr. is a two-faced hypocrite.
But, on the other