May 29, 2009

Pushing back the frontiers of National Socialism.............

 
"Change we can believe in" came early to The Socialist Heaven - Callyforlornia - with all of its open boarders, free health care for illegal immigrants, and filled with Hollywood political experts has spent itself into bankruptcy.  It has raised taxes on the rich and they are moving out so state so income is plunging.   And the U.S. is headed down the same road - lickety split!
 
It shouldn't be: "[A] court of appeals is where policy is made." --Sotomayor in 2005
 
In his Naval Academy commencement speech, Obama bragged about shooting the Somali pirates in those 'five days in April.' I hear a movie coming: 'Five Days in April -- How a courageous, brave, historic president of the United States personally wiped out three Somali teenagers.

Pelosi said that the CIA misleads us all the time. You know, unlike Congress.
Merry Mary's Meticulous Murmurings............................
 
Wine does not make you FAT it makes you LEAN... against tables,  chairs, floors, walls and ugly people.
 
You know you are getting old when the candles cost more than the cake. 
 
Of all of the ten biblical plagues, I bet frogs was the most fun to watch.
 
You know you're getting fat when you sit in your bathtub and the water in the toilet rises.
 
Calling an illegal alien an 'undocumented immigrant' is like calling a drug dealer an 'unlicensed pharmacist'?

Strident Sarah's Serendipitous Sayings..................
 
June is National Accordion Awareness Month
 
June 1 is . . . . . Dare Day
 
June 2 is . . . . . National Bubba Day      [Yo! Bubba!]
 
June 2 is . . . . . National Rocky Road Day
 
June 3 is . . . . . Repeat Day
 
June 3 is . . . . . Repeat Day
 
June 4 is . . . . . Hug Your Cat Day
 
June 4 is . . . . . Maid's Day
 
June 5 is . . . . . Festival Of Popular Delusions Day    [and I have a few!]
 
June 6 is . . . . . Teacher's Day    [Just for Sarah!]
 
June 6 is . . . . . National Applesauce Cake Day
 
June 6 is . . . . . National Doughnut Day     [Except in Irvington!]
 
June 6 is . . . . . National Gardening Exercise Day
 
June 6 is . . . . . National Yo-Yo Day

Happy Hilda's Hilarious Headlines..........................
 
IN THIS ECONOMY, IT MAY BE THE ONLY Thing PhDs CAN GET: "Burger Chain Wants McPhDs to Complement McJobs" -- AFP headline
 
We Blame President Obama: "Omaha Man Blames Casino Drinks, Drugs for Big Debt" --Associated Press
 
Teleprompter Still Has Top Billing: "Facsimile Constitution Gets Starring Role in Presidential Speech" --ABCNews.com
 
Steel Would Be More Durable: "Venezuela Set to Build First Oil Rig With China: Report" -Agence France-Presse
 
That's Some Fine Detective Work: "Shooting Spree Endangered Neighborhood Residents, Police Say" -Star Press (Muncie, IN)
 
Everything Is Spinning Out of Control: "LIZ PEEK: Danger - Our Government Is Set to Explode" -FoxNews.com
 
News You Can Use: "Tax Audits Are No Laughing Matter" --The Wall Street Journal
 
Redundant Stories of the Day:
"Dem's Budget Raises Taxes, Slashes Services" KATU-TV Web site (Portland, OR)
"Obama Blames Bush" --The Weekly Standard Web site
 
1.8 Billion Sickened by Excessive Media Coverage of Swine Flu -- Woodbine Times
 
GOP Gang War Worsens as Powell Calls Out Limbaugh on New Rap CD -- Lisbon Messenger

Particular Paul's Unctuous Puns.........................
 
A suspect was arrested recently for attacking a man in a rice field with a small ceramic figurine.  It's the first case on record of a knick-knack paddy whack.
 
I was complaining the other day to a friend about the knot in my tie.   "These four-in-hands with their tiny knots are so unstylish," I complained. He asked, "Do you know how to do a Windsor knot?" I replied, "It doesn't matter if you Windsor knot, it's how you play the game!"

 
Since I have nothing better to do, I spent some time teaching the local kids how to safely jump over a line of bushes. I guess I'm a hedge fun manager

Gentlemen Jim's Generic Gems..............................
 
When I was young I dreamed of being a test pilot. Flying higher, faster, farther. Risking my life for the science of aviation. But when I grew up I found out I wasn't qualified because of my poor eyesight. Now I work in a post office which gives me many of the same thrills.   I'm always pushing the envelope!
 
I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks, so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use. Toothpicks?
 
Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen can look for them while they deliver the mail?
 
At income tax time, did you ever notice: When you put the two words "The" and "IRS" together, it spells "THEIRS"
Simply Suzi's Serious Sayings...................
 
HOUSEWORK: What the wife does that nobody notices until she doesn't do it.
 
HUSBAND: A man who gives up privileges he never realized he had.
 
JOINT CHECKING ACCOUNT: A handy little device which permits the wife to beat the husband to the draw.
 
LOVE: An obsessive delusion that is cured by marriage.
 
MOTHER-IN-LAW: A woman who destroys her son-in-law's peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.

Lucky Larry's Luscious Leavings........................
(and infamous book titles)
 
Popular Lawyers
 
The Amish Phone Book
 
Everything Men Know About Women
 
How to Avoid Huge Ships by John W. Trimmer
 
Scouts in Bondage by Michael Bell
 
Be Bold with Bananas by Crescent Books

That's it from your embedded "community activist"  still driving around the Woodbine Beltway.  Please remember that tomorrow, June 30 is the real "Decoration Day."    

"Never in the field of human conflict was so much owed by so many to so few." --Sir Winston Churchill

But, on the other hand..............
 
A sense of humor keen enough to show a man his own absurdities, as well as those of other people, will keep him from the commission of all sins, or nearly all, save those that are worth committing.

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