June 5, 2009

Pushing back the frontiers of the National Socialist Party.....

 
Obama has his own reality show set in the White House: Twenty-five women and Brian Williams compete for Barack Obama's love.
 
Actually Biden was in New York yesterday. He bought a designers suit at Barney's for $2,400. It's a lot, but it's high-quality material, made from the same fabric as his hair.
 
Helio Castroneves  raced to victory in the Indianapolis 500. It was an emotional third Indy win for Castroneves. He was just cleared on tax evasion charges that could have landed him either in jail, or in the Obama  administration

A new poll shows Americans have a more negative view of Muslims than they did back in 2002. That's because they never hear about any of the good bombings.


Melodic Mary's Meticulous Mutterings...................

"I am free of all prejudices. I hate every one equally."

Q: Who invented fractions?   A: Henry the 1/8!

I cried because I had no shoes, then I met a man whom life had given lemons

Nothing cures insomnia like the realization that it's
time to get up.

Love is like a roller coaster: When it's good you don't want to get off, and when it isn't, you can't wait to throw up.


Solicitous Sarah's Strident Sayings........................

June is National Ice Tea Month

June 7 is . . . . . National Chocolate Ice Cream Day

June 8 is . . . . . Name Your Poison Day

June 9 is . . . . . Donald Duck Day

June 10 is . . . . National Yo-Yo Day

June 11 is . . . . King Kamehameha Day

June 11 is . . . . National Hug Holiday

June 12 is . . . . Machine Day

June 13 is . . . . National Juggling Day

June 13 is . . . . Kitchen Klutzes Of America Day

June 13 is . . . . Blame Someone Else Day

June 13 is . . . . Sewing Machine Day


Happy Hilda's Hilarious Headlines.........................

JUST LIKE EVERY YEAR: "Hooker Named Indoor Athlete of the Year" - Australian AP headline

Hey, Nice Shot!: "N. Korea Defiantly Fires 6th Missile, Slams U.N." --FoxNews.com

There Wouldn't Be Much Point in Launching Used Ones: "US Officials: North Korea May Launch New Missiles" -Associated Press

We Blame Global Warming: "Why Is the Earth Moving Away From the Sun?" -NewScientist.com

What Kind of Sap Would Hope for That?: "Mortgage Rates Surge, Sap Hopes" -The Wall Street Journal

Everything Is Spinning Out of Control: "Peasants' Revolts Threaten Political Class" -Financial Times

News You Can Use: "How to Survive in a World Ruled by Robots" -MSNBC.com

Redundant Story of the Day: "Chicago Alderman Is Indicted" -The Wall Street Journal

American Taxpayers Now Proud Owners of Company That Makes Cars American Taxpayers Won't Buy - Woodbine Tattler

Obama Assures Americans Economy Being Centrally Run in Completely Non-Socialist Way - Woodbine Tattler


Simply Suzi's Sample Sayings.........................

The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.

Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people. ( If you're ambidextrous, do you split the difference?)

Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump.

A cat's urine glows under a black light.

An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.

Starfish have no brains


Gentleman Jim's Generic Wonderings........................

Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?

Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?

Why don't you ever see the headline 'Psychic Wins Lottery'?

Why is 'abbreviated' such a long word?

Why is it that doctors call what they do 'practice'?


Particular Paul's Pendulous Puns.......................

A hungry African lion was roaming through the jungle looking for something to eat. He came across two men. One was sitting under a tree and reading a book; the other was typing away on his typewriter. The lion quickly pounced on the man reading the book and devoured him.  Even the king of the jungle knows that readers digest and writers cramp.


I had a job in a spice factory but it was just seasonal

Senators William Spong of Virginia and Hiram Fong of Hawaii sponsored a bill recommending the mass ringing of church bells to welcome the arrival in Hong Kong of the U.S. Table Tennis Team after its tour of Communist China.  The bill failed to pass, cheating the Senate out of passing the "Spong-Fong Hong Kong Ping Pong Ding Dong Bell Bill."


Lucky Larry's Liturgical Leavings......................

Some minds are like concrete Thoroughly mixed up and permanently set.

Peace starts with a smile.

I don't know why some people change churches; What difference does it make which one you stay home from?

Be ye fishers of men. You catch 'em - He'll clean 'em.

Stop, Drop, and Roll won't work in Hell.


That's it for this week from the dizzying trips around the Woodbine Beltway where we are still REELING from the decision to dismiss charges against Absurdia's Mayor, Sheila Dixon, who STOLE Christmas gift certificates from poor children to buy electronic gifts for HERSELF.  Shame on our Courts in The Peoples Republic of Absurdistan.


But, on the other hand.....................

Never laugh at anyone's dreams. People who don't have dreams don't have much.


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