June 12, 2009
Pushing back the frontiers of
the National Socialist Party.....
Prez Obama is back from his
latest apology tour of France and the Arab mid-east. His wife and
daughters were with him in France but could not go on with him to the
mid-east without avoiding Shania Law. Some Christian?
Obama and the Libs want healthcare like
Canada has. The second annual Euro-Canada consumer index has rated Canada
23rd in quality and other factors among 32
nations with government-sponsored care. Ain't that GREAT!
And key members of the "Stupid
Party" are welcoming back none other than Colin Powell - that two faced
idiot that backed Carter, Clinton and Obama and claims to be a Republican.
The only two "Republicans" he ever voted for were the Bush's and everyone
knows they weren't Republicans but they were stupid so maybe....
Marvelous Mary's Meticulous Mutterings..............
"Truth is like the sun. You can shut it out for a
time, but it ain't goin' away." -- Elvis Presley
I just read that last year 4,153,237 people got
married. I don't want to start any trouble, but shouldn't that be an even
The Green Giant's oldest son is addicted to
I come from a stupid family. During the Civil War
my great Uncle fought for the west!"
He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run
Silly Sarah's Specific Sayings.............................
June is National Papaya Month [Didn't
know that, did you?]
June 14 is . . . . Pop Goes The Weasel
June 15 is . . . . Smile Power Day
June 16 is . . . . National Hollerin'
June 17 is . . . . Watergate Day
June 17 is . . . . Eat Your Vegetables
June 17 is . . . . World Juggler's Day
June 18 is . . . . International Panic
Day [Panic away!]
June 18 is . . . . Go Fishing Day
June 18 is . . . . National Splurge Day
June 19 is . . . . World Sauntering
Day [Saunter away - you know who you are!]
June 20 is . . . . Ice Cream Soda Day
Happy Hilda's Hilarious Headlines.................
RESULTING INJURIES REQUIRED PAIN MEDICATION: "Priest Fired for Beating Drug
Addicts" - Reuters headline
Breaking News From 1988, 1992, 2000, 2004, 2006, 2008...:
"Democratic Candidates Adopt Anti-Bush Strategy" -USA Today
We Blame George W. Bush: "Russian Military Historian Blames Poland for WWII"
We Blame These Despicable Republican Attacks That Always Seem to Come From
Those Who Never Can Be Found to Serve in War, but Love to Attack Those Who
Did: "Kerry Blames $820K IRS Tax Lien on Clerical Error" -OnWallStreet.com
We're From the Government, and We're Here to Help: "IRS to Help Taxpayers
During Downturn" -Congress Daily
Earth's Bloodiest Bookstore: "Amazon Clashes Claim 30 Lives" -Financial
Everything Is Spinning Out of Control: "Media Skeptical of Obama Stimulus
Claims" -U.S. News & World Report Web site
News You Can Use: "Minnesota Zoo Wants You to Sort Out Poop" -Star Tribune
The Big Story of the Day: "Michelle Obama Visits Eiffel Tower With Sasha and
Malia, Wears Stylish Scarf" --Huffington Post
APPARENTLY TOO SMALL TO BE ON GPS MAPS: "Swiss Accidentally Invade
Liechtenstein" - AP headline
Gentleman Jims Generic Jottings.......................
Q: Where can men over the age of 60 find younger, sexy women who are
interested in them? A: Try a bookstore under fiction.
Q: What can a man do while his wife is going through menopause? A: Keep
busy. If you're handy with tools, you can finish the basement. When you are
done you will have a place to live.
Q: How can you increase the heart rate of your 60+ year old husband? A:
Tell him you're pregnant.
Q: How can you avoid that terrible curse of the elderly wrinkles? A: Take
off your glasses.
Q: Seriously! What can I do for these crow's feet and all those wrinkles on
my face? A: Go braless. It will usually pull them out.
Party Paul's Penurious Puns....................
Artifacts are a major portion of an American-Indian reservation's economy.
One enterprising Indian was able to outsell his competitors in the sale of
wooden dolls by selling them at only a fraction of the cost others had to
charge. On examination of his dolls they found that where traditionally hard
wood was used, this Indian would use cheap pine on which he glued thin
pieces of fine mahogany, thus being able to produce the dolls at only a
fraction of the cost. While he claimed his dolls were still authentic, his
competitors complained that it was only a cheap Sioux Veneer.
An enterprising Native American founded a business manufacturing crepe
paper. Using modern equipment and Internet Marketing techniques he built
quite a reputation for quality paper printed with traditional tribal
designs. A certain gourmand in Chicago was arranging a party for an
about-to-retire friend, and, via the Internet, ordered what he thought was
going to be 25 sets of designer-pattern crepe paper. When the shipment
arrived it turned out that the order had been entered as 25 cases of crepe
paper. Assuming his tried-and-true restaurant demeanor, he bellowed at an
assistant, "Send this back. The Crepe Sioux Sets have been grossly
Lazy Larry's Liturgical Leavings........................
A lot of church members singing 'Standing on the Promises' are just sitting
on the premises.
Coincidence is when God chooses to remain anonymous.
Don't put a question mark where God put a period.
Don't wait for 6 strong men to take you to church.
Forbidden fruits create many jams.
Simply Suzi's Synonymous Sayings......................
MRS.: A job title involving heavy duties, light earnings,
and no recognition.
SPOUSE: Someone who will stand by you through all the trouble you wouldn't
have had if you'd stayed single in the first place.
WIFE: A mate who is forever complaining about not having anything to wear at
the very same time that she complains about not having enough room in the
That's it for this week from your embedded community activist hiding on the
outskirts of Absurdia, the principal city of The Peoples Republic of
Absurdistan where we are only number two on the murder rate index (yes,
Detroit still holds that honor) and where we are only 45th of the states in
the high school graduation index. (73% graduate state wide but in
Absurdia, 45% graduate and we LOVE our Democratic run School Board and
But, on the other hand....................
All people smile in the same language.