June 19, 2009

Pushing back the frontiers of the National Socialist Party......

 
A new report just came out that says President Obama has mentioned  Jesus Christ in more speeches than President Bush did. Can you believe that? Still, neither has used the phrase "Oh God, oh God," more than President Clinton
 
A top Republican is angry that Supreme Court Nominee Sonia Sotomayor belongs to an elite private group.  The top Republican is angry and so is everyone at his country club.
 
Normandy was invaded by world leaders Saturday for the D-Day anniversary. What a story. The night before the invasion Ike told the GIs they were embarking on a Great Crusade, prompting Barack Obama to apologize to the Arab world for the D-Day invasion
Marvelous Mary's Meticulous Mutterings............
 
The Pentagon revealed Tuesday that waterboarding an al-Qaeda suspect prevented a terrorist attack in Los Angeles. The attack made no sense.   You would think that people who want to destroy America would spare Hollywood out of professional courtesy
 
I'm willing to admit that I may not always be right, but I am never wrong
 
If you receive an email from the Department of Health telling you not to eat tinned pork because of swine flu - ignore it. It's just Spam!
 
Life is tough - it is even tougher if you're stupid

The cardiologist's diet: If it tastes good -- spit it out.

It's hard to be nostalgic when you can't remember anything.

Superfluous Sarah's 'Sooper' Sayings.....................
 
June is National Accordion Awareness Month  [Had to squeeze this one in!]
 
June 21 is . . . . Cuckoo Warning Day    [So, I'm warning you cuckoo's]
 
June 21 is . . . . Summer Solstice
 
June 21 is . . . . Go Skate Day
 
June 21 is . . . . National Hollerin' Contest Day     [Be quiet!]
 
June 22 is . . . . National Chocolate Éclair Day    [Oooh yeah!]
 
June 23 is . . . . Take Your Dog to Work Day
 
June 23 is . . . . Swim a Lap Day
 
June 24 is . . . . Museum Comes To Life Day
 
June 25 is . . . . Log Cabin Day
 
June 25 is . . . . National Catfish Day
 
June 26 is . . . . Beautician's Day
 
June 26 is . . . . Forgiveness Day     [Forgive Sarah for the above!]
 
June 26 is . . . . National Chocolate Pudding Day
 
June 27 is . . . . National Columnists Day
 
June 27 is . . . . Sun Glasses Day

Happy Hilda's Hilarious Headlines...............
 
WIN OR LOSE, HE HAS A FOOL FOR A CLIENT: "Former Fresno Lawyer Makes Case for His Insanity" - Fresno (Calif.) Bee headline
 
Now the Feds Are Picking the Furniture: "Next Chair Is Chosen for GM" --Detroit Free Press
 
Even 2,000-Plus Years Later: "B.C. Forest Fire Means Beautiful Sunsets in Seattle" --Seattle Times
 
Imagine the Sunsets That'll Produce: "Earth-Venus Smash-Up Possible in 3.5 Billion Years: Study" -Agence France-Presse
 
It's Always in the Last Place You Look: "Obama Administration Finds Health-Care Model in Green Bay" -Washington Post
 
Everything Seemingly Is Spinning Out of Control: "What if Obama's Out of His Mind?" --Esquire.com
 
News You Can Use Right Now: "The Recession Is Great" -Forbes.com
 
Redundant Story of the Day: "China Not Sending 3 Rare Golden Monkeys to LA Zoo" --Associated Press
 
Obama Throws Silver Dollar Across Potomac, Walks on River to Retrieve It - MSNBC

Gentleman Jim's Generic Gems....................
 
Polar bears are left-handed.
 
Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.
 
Melba toast is named after Australian opera singer Dame Nellie Melba (1861-1931).  
 
Elvis favorite collectibles were official badges. He collected police badges in almost every city he performed in.  
 
Duran Duran took their name from a mad scientists in the movie Barbarella.
Portly Paul's Penurious Puns...................
 
You'd never believe it, but I bumped into a famous stuntman in a motorcycle shop the other day. He was complaining because he couldn't decide whether to buy a bike with a high top speed but poor acceleration, or one with lots of torque and a fast acceleration but a poor top speed.    Eventually he decided on the second one because it cost a lot less. After all, torque is cheap.
 
As Reynoldo lit the votive candle at the grotto for San Jose de los Platanos and prayed for the healthy delivery of his first child, he heard a disembodied voice say, "Your daughter will be 17 inches long," to which Reynoldo replied, "do you know the weight, too, San Jose? 

Simply Suzi's Superficial Sayings..................
 
SNOOZE ALARMS:  When you rearrange the letters: 
ALAS! NO MORE Z 'S
 
A DECIMAL POINT:  When you rearrange the letters:
IM A DOT IN PLACE
 
 ELEVEN PLUS TWO:  When you rearrange the letters:
TWELVE PLUS ONE
 
MOTHER-IN-LAW:   When you rearrange the letters:
WOMAN HITLER

Lazy Larry's Liturgical Leavings......................
 
God grades on the cross, not the curve.
 
God loves everyone,  But probably prefers 'fruits of the spirit' over 'religious nuts!'

God promises a safe landing, not a calm passage.

He who angers you, controls you!

If God is your Co-pilot, swap seats!

That's enough for this week from your embedded community organizer who is still amazed that with two headlines in the local rag "Sheila Dixon absolved from crime of stealing gift cards from the poor" and "Inner Harbor & Mt Vernon areas crime is out of control"  the natives of Absurdia have not put the two together.  Absurdistan spins more and more out of control.
 

But, on the other hand.................
 
Dear God, Please send clothes to all those poor ladies in Daddy's computer that don't have any clothes on. Amen

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