Death is nature's way of telling you to slow down.
Avoid clichés like the plague ... they're a dime a dozen!
I may be schizophrenic, but at least I have each other.
I also have kleptomania, but when it gets bad, I take something for it.
Sappy Sarah's Strenuous Sayings...................
This is International Men's Month and National Accordion Awareness Month -
This is Be Nice To New Jersey Week [They need it!]
June 5 is . . . . . 1946 - Louis Reard invented the bikini
June 5 is . . . . . Festival Of Popular Delusions Day
July 5 is . . . . . National Hunger Awareness Day
July 5 is . . . . . Workaholics Day
July 6 is . . . . . National Fried Chicken Day
July 6 is . . . . . Donut Day
July 6 is . . . . . Heart Mania Day
July 6 is . . . . . Take Your Webmaster to Lunch Day
July 7 is . . . . . Chocolate Day
July 7 is . . . . . National Strawberry Sundae Day
July 8 is . . . . . 1947 - UFO crashed near Roswell NM
July 8 is . . . . . Video Games Day
July 8 is . . . . . Upsy Daisy Day
July 8 is . . . . . is Name Your Poison Day
July 9 is . . . . . National Sugar Cookie Day
July 10 is . . . . .Clerihew Day
July 10 is . . . . .Teddy Bear Picnic Day
July 10 is . . . . .Don't Step On A Bee Day
July 10 is . . . . .Chuy's National Taco Day
July 11 is . . . . .National Yo-Yo Day
July 11 is . . . . .Different Colored Eyes Day
Happy Hilda's Hilarious Headlines...................
D. A. Getting on this ASAP: "Woman Allegedly on Way to AA Charged with DUI"
- Worcester (Mass.) Telegram & Gazette headline
Obama's Health Care Plan Is Worse Than We Imagined: "Lowell to Get Shot to
Treat Ailing Hip" -MLB.com
And May There Be Peace on Earth: "May Incomes Surge, but Savings Outpace
Spending" -Associated Press
He Finally Got a Real Job?: "Kerry Becomes a Bridge-Builder" -Boston Globe
The Stock Market, Explained: "Turkey Lands in Manure Truck's Cab, Causing
Crash" -Associated Press
Everything Is Spinning Out of Control:
"Coleman Concedes; Franken Wins Senate Seat" --CBSNews.com
"Approval Ratings for Pelosi Hit a New Low" -Washington Post
Breaking News From 2000: "Al Gore Not Coming to D.C." -Politico.com
News You Can Use: "Watch Out for Rabid Skunks" -Omaha World-Herald
Particular Paul's Penurious Puns..............................
Mr. Combs had a furniture store specializing in ornate antiques in the
baroque style. He had walking pneumonia but was at the store anyway. He was
in one of the baroque style chairs rubbing Vicks Vaporub on his chest when
he discovered that the soothing ointment gave the furniture a wonderful,
deep, rich shine. He immediately told the other furniture store owners since
their furniture was more modern in style and they were not competitors. Soon
he got reports that the Vicks treatment not only failed to work on the
modern furniture, but ruined some of it. Mr. Combs is very unpopular now,
and his only consolation is that he learned one important rule: If it's not
baroque, don't Vicks it.
During a hike with my friend, I noticed a black bird roosting in a nearby
tree. "I've always wondered what the difference is between a crow and a
raven," I said. "You have to count the pinion feathers on the wings," my
friend explained. "If there are four, it's a crow. If it's five, it's a
raven." "Really?" I said, although I knew he didn't have a clue what he was
talking about. "Oh yes," he replied. "The difference is just a matter of a
Saucy Suzi's Strident Sayings......................
The world's largest disco was held at the Buffalo Convention Centre, New
York, 1979. 13,000 danced a place into the Guinness Book of World Records.
In August 1983, Peter Stewart of Birmingham, UK set a world record by disco
dancing for 408 hours.
The Beatles song "Martha My Dear" was written by Paul McCartney about his
The harmonica is the world's best-selling music instrument.
Lucky Larry's Liturgical Leavings...................
Don't wait for 6 strong men to take you to church.
Forbidden fruits create many jams.
God doesn't call the qualified, he qualifies the called.
God grades on the cross, not the curve.
God loves everyone, but probably prefers 'fruits of the spirit' over
God promises a safe landing, not a calm passage.
Gentleman Jim's Generic Gems.......................
Sign over a Gynecologist's Office: "Dr. Jones, at your cervix."
In a Podiatrist's office: "Time wounds all heels."
On a Septic Tank Truck: Yesterday's Meals on Wheels
At a Proctologist's door: "To expedite your visit, please back in."
On a Plumber's truck: "We repair what your husband fixed."
That's it for this week from your unpaid community
organizer and embedded reporter still dizzy from so may trips
around the Woodbine Beltway while chasing down more scandals in and around
Absurdia, the principle city of The Peoples Republic of
But, on the other hand.........................
It's important for parents to live the same
things they teach.