August 14, 2009

Pushing back the frontiers of the National Socialist Party......

 
At his concert in Washington, D.C. recently, Paul McCartney dedicated the song 'Michelle' to Michelle Obama.  Then he dedicated 'Tax Man' to President Obama, and 'I Am The Walrus' to Vice President Biden
 
WHAT COULD POSSIBLY GO WRONG? The information processing systems for the    City of Los Angeles, Calif., are old and out of date, the city says.   Records software and e-mail is slow and inadequate "Pac-Man-era    technology," says the mayor's spokesman. So the city is considering a $7.25 million proposal to move its e-mail and records -- including  arrest records and other sensitive data -- to Google. The online giant  says other cities are thinking of using Google services too, and one has already made the switch: Washington D.C. (Los Angeles Times) ...Is that supposed to be comforting, or terrifying?
 
That Goo-Goo Governor of New Joisey, John Corzine, is trying to pass a bill forcing outpatient treatment for the seriously mentally ill.  What could go wrong with that idea?

Marvelous Mary's Meticulous Murmurings................
 
When angry, count to four; when very angry, swear
 
A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab centre said: "Keep off the Grass".

I was reading in the paper today about this dwarf that got pick-pocketed. How could anyone stoop so low?
 
I used to jog but the ice cubes kept falling out of my glass.
 
Earning money would be fun if it wasn't so taxing.

A special "shout out" this week for my friends, Regina and Huber as their son, LT Joseph A. Smutz, was admitted to the United States Navy Sports Hall of Fame.  If you knew the medical history of this young man you would know why this is indeed a miracle!
Serendipitous Sarah's Serenic Sayings.................
 
August is Kiwi National Fruit Month
 
This is Elvis Week
 
August 16 is...Bratwurst Festival
 
August 16 is...Joe Miller's Joke Day   
 
August 16 is...Sandcastle & Sculpture Day
 
August 16 is...Vinegar Day
 
August 15 is...Watermelon Day
 
August 17 is...National Thriftshop Day
 
August 18 is...Bad Poetry Day 
 
August 18 is...Petz Day
 
August 18 is...Stay Home With Your Kids Day
 
August 19 is...Aviation Day
 
August 19 is...Potato Day
 
August 20 is...National Radio Day
 
August 20 is...National Forgiveness Day   
 
August 21 is...Poets Day
 
August 21 is...Be An Angel Day
 
August 21 is...National Spumoni Day
 
August 22 is...Makah Days    [one of my favorites]
Happy Hilda's Hilarious Headlines..............
 
BETTER GO BACK TO DRINKING, THEN: "Anti-Anxiety Drugs Raise New Fears" -Washington Post headline
 
ObamaCare in Action?: "Thousands of Clunkers Line Up to Be Poisoned and Killed" -Detroit News
 
Aren't There Cheaper Ways to Hurt a Region?: "Obama Ventures Back to Hurting Region - With Money" --Associated Press
 
Who Ya Gonna Call? Ghostbusters!: "Specter Holds Lebanon Town Meeting" -WGAL-TV Web site (Lancaster, PA)
 
Talk About Packing the Court!: "Sotomayor Sworn In as 111th Justice" -National Law Journal
 
What Kind of Sicko Hates Ice Cream?: "3 Charged With Hate Crime in Ice Cream Truck Attack" -Houston Chronicle
 
Everything Is Spinning Out of Control For Sure: "Senator Franken, at Center Stage, Presides Over Sotomayor Vote"--FoxNews.com
 
News You Can Use: "Whisky: A Cure for Swine Flu, and So Much More" -Daily Telegraph (London)
 
Redundant Story of the Day: "Obama May Abandon Bipartisanship on Health-Care Plan" --Bloomberg
 
'And winter is not yet over' "Scottish soldiers were having to share kilts - because defense chiefs had not finalized a contract to buy enough kilts. - The New York Times,  December 19, 2006

Lucky Larry's Leavings.........................
    (and serious signs)
If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you
tried.
 
Experience is something you don't get until just after you
need it.
 
The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness
of the bread.
 
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from
many is research.
 
The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.

Particular Paul's Perilous Puns....................

A man and his clone were walking along the rim of the Grand Canyon.   The man and his clone were identical except for one thing - the clone loved to use foul language.  The man didn't want to listen to his clone ranting all day, everyday, using that kind of language, so he pushed his clone over the rim.  That resulted in the first obscene clone-fall.
 
A Texan and his girlfriend decided to go see the northern lights.   They drove to the southernmost border of Canada. They parked their  car in a field and waited for the lights to start.  Soon, the sky lit  up with the amazing northern lights.   The man got out of the car to get a better look.   He was so excited by  the lights that he was jumping up and down.  His girlfriend sat in the  car reading a magazine.  He was astonished. He asked her, "What's the matter? Does the aurora bore ya, Alice?"

Simply Suzanne's Serendipitous Satire....................
 
Abusive .... What's the matter, stupid, don't you know the answer?
 
Ambivalance .... Well, it could be yes and it could be no.
 
Amnesia .... I forget.
 
Antipathy .... You would have to ask me that.
 
Amorous .... I love the way you ask that question.
 
Apathy  .... I don't care.

Gentleman Jim's Generic Gems....................
 
You are so ugly that when you walk into the bank they turn off the cameras.
 
If ugliness were bricks, you would be the Great Wall Of China.
 
You're so ugly, you went to a haunted house and came out with an application.
 
If ugliness was a crime, you'd get the electric chair.
 
You're so ugly, your mate won't have to worry about birth control ... your face will do just fine.

That's it this week from your "neighborhood organizer" or as it is now called "mob organizer" lurking around the Lisbon Beltway, near Absurdia, the principle city of The People's Democratic Republic of Absurdistan where criminality counts!  Imagine being a mayor like Sheila Dixon, a recognized party member that is so crooked that she is indicted in a 17 count statement and is still mayor!

But, on the other hand.............
 
The greatest discovery of my generation is that a human being can alter his life by altering his attitudes

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