October 9, 2009

Pushing back the frontiers of the National Socialist Party.....

Do you remember when the Nobel Peace Prize meant something?  It was awarded to "our dear leader" and Kenyan born resident Obama this morning.   A man who, in his whole life, has accomplished NOTHING but getting elected.  No single accomplishment, not to mention absolutely not a single thing in the "world peace" arena.

Oops: "Some of my best memories are sitting on my dad's lap, cheering on Olga and Nadia, Carl Lewis, and others for their brilliance and perfection." --Michelle Obama ("Mrs. Obama was 20 years old when Lewis first competed in the Olympics in 1984." )
The other day at a political fundraiser, Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi got to meet actor Robert Redford, and witnesses say she was flirting with him. There was an awkward moment when Pelosi winked at Redford — and $4,000 worth of Botox squirted out

It was Justice Sonia Sotomayor’s first day .  There was a bit of hazing going on . . . Justice Roberts sent her to the hardware store to buy a left-handed gavel, and she went because, "being a wise Latina woman................

Mercurial Mary's Meticulous Morsels..............

To hell with the nice list, it's more fun to be naughty.

Is sloppiness in speech caused by ignorance or apathy? I don't know and I don't care.

According to my junk e-mail, I'm bald, impotent and in need of constant refinancing.

Take out the fortune before you eat the cookie.

Stop Global Whining

Serendipitous Sarah's Sillier Sayings...............

October is National Go Hog Wild - Eat Country Ham Month

This is National School Lunch Week    [and good luck with that!]

October 11 is . . . . It's My Party Day    [and I'll cry if]

October 12 is . . . . International Moment Of Frustration Scream Day

October 12 is . . . . Destiny Day

October 13 is . . . . National Peanut Festival Day

October 14 is . . . . Be Bald and Free Day

October 14 is . . . . National Dessert Day

October 15 is . . . . National Grouch Day    [one of my favorites!]

October 16 is . . . . Dictionary Day

October 16 is . . . . National Boss Day

October 16 is . . . . North American Community College Day

October 17 is . . . . Gaudy Day

Happy Hilda's Hilarious Headlines..................

DOGS DON'T GO TO HEAVEN: "Atheists Offer to Care for Christians' Pets after the Rapture" - London Telegraph headline

Whatever You Do, Don't Tell Anyone!: "EXCLUSIVE: Obama Agrees to Keep Israel's Nukes Secret" -The Washington Times

That's 'Mr. President': "Community Organizer Says Olympics Will Bring Long-Awaited Improvements" -Chicago Public Radio Web site

Questions Nobody Is Asking: "Are You Up for Oprah's Karaoke Challenge?" -Chicago Sun-Times Web site

Questions That Answer Themselves: "Will California Become America's First Failed State?" -Guardian (London)

Everything Is Spinning Out of Control: "Brown Stink Bug Invades D.C. Area" -NewsChannel8 Web site

News You Can Use: "New Blood-Thinning Drug Safer Than Rat Poison" -Faculty of 1000 Medicine press release

Redundant Story of the Day: "Group Tied to Obama Urges Tax Increase" -The Wall Street Journal

Popular Paul's Particular Puns............................

A Russian couple was walking down the street in Moscow one night, when the man felt a drop hit his nose.  "I think it's raining," he said to his wife.  "No, that felt more like snow to me" she replied.  "No, I'm sure it was just rain" he said.  Well, as these things go, they were about to have a major argument about whether it was raining or snowing. Just then, they saw a minor communist party official walking toward them.  "Let's not fight about it", the man said, "Let's ask Comrade Alfred whether it's officially raining or snowing."  As the official approached, the man said, "Tell us, Comrade Alfred, is it officially raining or snowing?"  "It's raining, of course you stupid idiots!!" he screamed, and walked on.  But the woman insisted: "I know that felt like snow!"  The man quietly replied: "Rude Alf the Red knows rain, dear!"

My cousin is in a bad spot. He's got a bad inner ear problem that needs surgery soon, or he'll lose his hearing on that side. He has no insurance, though, and the cost is WAY too much for him.  He does have a way out, though. A local elderly widow has offered to pay for the operation, but only if he'll marry her, afterwards! She's 50 years older than him! You could call it a wife or deaf situation.

Coffee: Break Fluid

Poverty: An outwageous condition

Gentleman Jim's Generic Jottings.................

How about a baseball marriage? If Boog Powell married Felipe
Alou, he'd be Boog Alou.

If Shirley Jones married Tom Ewell, then Johnny Rotten, then
Nathan Hale, she'd be Shirley Ewell Rotten Hale.

If Ivana Trump married, in succession, Orson Bean (actor),
King Oscar (of Norway), Louis B. Mayer (of MGM), and Norbert Wiener (mathematician), she would then be Ivana Bean Oscar Mayer Wiener.

Saucy Sarah's Scrappy Screenings................

Why Cars Stop -- by M. T. Tank

Wind in the Willows -- by Russell Ingleaves

Look Younger -- by Fay Slift

Mountain Climbing -- by Andover Hand

It's Springtime! -- by Theresa Green

No! -- by Kurt Reply

Lucky Larry's Liturgical Leavings........................

Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.

Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.

Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger, including your kids!

It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.

When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.

That's it for this week from your embedded "community organizer"  hiding in the outskirts of Absurdia, the principle city of "The Peoples Democratic Republic of Absurdistan"  where our criminal Mayor STILL is not in prison.  We get more like Illinois every day.  Oooops - what does that mean for our boy governor's future?

But, on the other hand..................

For every minute you are angry with someone you lose 60 seconds of happiness that you can never get back.

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