October 23, 2009

Pushing back the frontiers of the National Socialist Party.....

It's always something with the Muslims. You either have mostly sane people governed by a crazy dictator -- Iraq, Iran and Syria (also California and Michigan) -- or a crazy people governed by relatively sane leaders -- Pakistan and Afghanistan, post-U.S. invasion (also Vermont and Minnesota). There are also insane people ruled by insane leaders (but enough about the House Democratic Caucus).

Hey, did you see what happened today? President Obama won another Nobel prize today, this time in medicine, for pretending to give up smoking


Meritorious Mary's Meticulous Murmurings......................
 
I used to be indecisive; now I'm not sure.
 
No sense being pessimistic; it wouldn't work anyway.
 
The Department of Health and Human Services officially recognized obesity as a medical illness. Doctors say symptoms include shortness of breath and 'wideness' of ass
 
I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.
 
I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.

Superficial Sarah's Soporific Sayings...................
 
October is National Pickled Pepper Month
 
October 25 is . . . . Punk For A Day Day  

October 25 is . . . . Make A Difference Day

October 25 is . . . . Sourest Day

October 26 is . . . . Mule Day

October 26 is . . . . Horseless Carriage Day

October 27 is . . . . Cranky Co-workers Day

October 27 is . . . . Sylvia Plath Day

October 28 is . . . . Plush Animal Lover's Day

October 28 is . . . . National Chocolate Day

October 29 is . . . . Hermit Day

October 30 is . . . . National Candy Corn Day

October 30 is . . . . Create A Great Funeral Day

October 30 is . . . . Haunted Refrigerator Night

October 30 is . . . . National Candy Corn Day  

October 31 is . . . . Bring Your Jack-O-Lantern To Work Day

October 31 is . . . . Frankenstein Friday

October 31 is . . . . National Knock-Knock Jokes Day

October 31 is . . . . National Magic Day

October 31 is . . . . Increase Your Pyschic Powers Day

October 31 is . . . . National Magic Day

Happy Hilda's Hilarious Headlines.........................
 
"Not Your Garden Variety 'Weedeater': Woman Arrested after Trying to Eat Pot During Traffic Stop" - Sheboygan (Wisc.) Press headline
 
It'll Bring Your Health-Care Costs Way Down!: "Poison Gas May Carry a Medical Benefit" -Boston Globe
 
Focusing on the Real Enemy:
"Obama Drops Plan to Isolate Sudan Leaders" -The New York Times
"Obama Team Continues Effort to Isolate Fox News" -FoxNews.com
 
You Call This Fair and Balanced?: "O'Reilly Ruins a Good Night for the Canadians" -National Post (Canada)
 
Obama Responds by Not Handling It: "Clinton Criticizes Bush Handling of Afghan Conflict" -CNN.com
 
Haven't They Heard of Barack Obama?: "No Winner for $5 Million African Leadership Prize" --Associated Press
 
We Blame Global Warming: "Quiet Atlantic Hurricane Season a Boon for Insurers" -Reuters
 
Questions Nobody Is Asking: "Where Have All the Successful Female Rappers Gone?" -CNN.com
 
Redundant Story of the Day: "Pelosi Shapes Bill for Liberal Votes" --Roll Call

Gentleman Jim's Generic Gems................................
    (And the world's thinnest books)
 
THINGS I  WOULD NOT DO FOR MONEY by Dennis Rodman  
 
THINGS I KNOW TO BE TRUE by Al Gore & John Kerry 
 
AMELIA EARHART'S GUIDE TO THE PACIFIC
 
A COLLECTION of MOTIVATIONAL SPEECHES by Dr. J. Kevorkian 
 
ALL THE MEN I HAVE LOVED BEFORE by Ellen de Generes & Rosie O'Donnell  

Sappy Suzi's Simple Sayings..............................
 
Medical Staff.......... A Doctor's cane

Morbid.......................... A higher offer

Nitrates..................... Cheaper than day rates

Node............................. I knew it!

Outpatient................ A person who has fainted

Pelvis.......................... Second cousin to Elvis

Post Operative...... A letter carrier

Particular Paul's Perilous Puns......................
 
A Texas redneck's wife delivered a baby at 5 a.m. They named him Earl Lee.
 
You should never kiss a canary. You might get canarial disease or you might get chirpes and there is no tweetment.
 
I dropped the toothpaste," said Tom, crestfallen.
 
The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium, at large.
 
A well-dressed man with scuffed shoes lacks polish.
Lucky Larry's Liturgical Leavings..............
 
Frame every so-called disaster with these words' In five years, will this matter?'
 
Always choose life.
 
Forgive everyone everything.
 
What other people think of you is none of your business.
 
Time heals almost everything.

That's it for this week from your embedded "community organizer" still lurking on the outskirts of Absurdia, the principle city of The People's Democratic Republic of Absurdistan where we ask the question "Now that the swine flu epidemic has peaked and we still don't have any vaccines available, how can this same government run health care?
But, on the other hand...........
 
Life is 10 percent what you make it, and 90 percent how you take it.

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