October 30, 2009

Pushing back the frontiers of the National Socialist Party......

 
Back when I was a kid, the two major fears in America revolved around polio and Communism. Since the first disease was so prevalent and so often fatal prior to the miraculous cures wrought by Dr. Albert Sabin and Dr. Jonas Salk, neither of whom managed to garner a Nobel Prize for their heroic efforts and instead it was given to Obama - a believer in Communism.
 
President Obama today agreed to commit an additional 40,000 troops to help fight Fox News
 
The Nazi Party was "in favor of universal education, guaranteed employment, increased entitlements for the aged, the expropriation of land without compensation, the nationalization of industry, the abolition of market-based lending and the expansion of health services."  Sound familiar?
Marvelous Mary's Meticulous Murmurings...................
 
Once upon a time, there was a little ghost who wanted to go out haunting for Halloween, but he didn't have anything to wear.   So he went to all the other ghosts to see if he could borrow a costume.   But he had to stay home because nobody gave a sheet.
 
When I consider how sweaters tend to make me sweat, I'm a lot less inclined to wear my new windbreaker.
 
The odds of going to the store for a loaf of bread and coming out with ONLY a loaf of bread are three billion to one.
 
Hypochondriac's headstone epitaph: "See?"
 
"I'm trying to read a book on how to relax, but I keep falling asleep.

Serious Sarah's Serendipitous Sayings..............
 
November is... International Drum Month   [Just for Richard]
 
This is Procrastinators Goal Setting Week
 
November 1 is . . . . . Hominy & Grits Day

November 1 is . . . . . Plan Your Epitaph Day

November 1 is . . . . . Sadie Hawkins Day

November 2 is . . . . . Monarch Butterfly Day

November 2 is . . . . . National Deviled Egg Day    [One of MY favorites!]

November 2 is . . . . . National Celibacy Day   

November 3 is . . . . . Fat Lady Sings Day

November 3 is . . . . . Sandwich Day 
 
November 3 is . . . . . Cliché Day

November 4 is . . . . . She Sells Seashells Day

November 4 is . . . . . Waiting For The Barbarians Day

November 4 is . . . . . National Chicken Lady Day

November 5 is . . . . . The Truth will Out and Hurt Day

November 6 is . . . . . The Lost Chord Day

November 6 is . . . . . Saxophone Day

November 6 is . . . . . Marooned Without A Compass Day

November 6 is . . . . . National Men Make Dinner Day

November 6 is . . . . . Return Day

November 7 is . . . . . Boy on the Burning Deck Day

November 7 is . . . . . National Bittersweet Chocolate With Almonds Day

November 7 is . . . . . Notary Sojak Day

Happy Hilda's Hilarious Real Headlines...............
 
Sorry -- It Makes Me A Bit Gassy: "Bag of Cocaine 'Shot Out' of Suspect's Body at St. Lucie County Gas Station When He Relaxed, Deputies Say" - Fort Pierce (Fla.) Tribune headline
 
Yes, Brave Sir Robin Turned About, and Gallantly He Chickened Out: "Anti-War Dems Ponder Bold Action on Iraq" - Associated Press
 
What Were His Numbers in 1959?: "Barack Obama Sees Worst Poll Rating Drop in 50 Years" - Daily Telegraph (London)
 
And He Definitely Can't Walk on Water: "Obama Not Expected to Stop Traffic" - Advocate (Stamford, CT)
 
Keep 'Fighting Back,' Mr. President: "Endangered Fox Lives for Another Day" - Daily News (New York)
 
He's Not Satisfied With a Sweetheart Mortgage Deal?: "Dodd Wants Immediate Rate Freeze on Credit Cards" - Associated Press
 
We Blame Global Warming: "Polar Bear Flock to Move to France" - MSNBC.com
 
Nothing Gets Past the FDA: "Sugar Cereals Are 'Smart Choices'? FDA Not So Sure" - Associated Press
 
Everything Is Quickly Spinning Out of Control: "Kerry Becomes All-Around Adviser to Obama" - Associated Press
 
News You Can Use: "Bernanke: U.S. Should Cut Budget Deficit" - Associated Press
 
Bottom Story of the Day: "Obama Expresses Frustration at Criticism" - Washington Examiner
Party Time Paul's Particular Puns..............
 
Our family has had many happy outings together. Trips to New York, trips to Florida, trips all over the country -- each come to mind.   However, there was one December that will always remain as our favorite. That was the time that we bought that wonderful and very inexpensive camping tent. We will never forget it. It was the winter of our discount tent
 
H. J. Heinz has announced the launch of a new corporate Web site. As one company spokesperson put it, "We were behind other food processing companies in the race to cyberspace, but the new site allows us to ketchup"
 
Louis was talking to his friend Max. "There's nothing I wouldn't do for my Becky," he said, "and there's nothing Becky wouldn't do for me.  And that's how we go through life - doing nothing for each other."
Gentleman Jims' Generic Gems........................
    (The Worlds Thinnest Books)
 
GUIDE TO DATING ETIQUETTE by Mike Tyson 
 
THE AMISH  PHONE DIRECTORY
 
MY PLAN TO FIND THE REAL KILLERS by O. J. Simpson
 
HOW TO DRINK & DRIVE OVER BRIDGES by Ted Kennedy
 
MY BOOK OF MORALS by Bill Clinton with introduction by the Rev. Jesse Jackson
 
MY COMPLETE KNOWLEDGE OF MILITARY STRATEGY! By Nancy  Pelosi 

Simply Suzy's Serendipitous Sayings..................
 
Recovery Room........ Place to do upholstery

Rectum......................... Nearly killed him

Secretion.................. Hiding something

Seizure....................... Roman Emperor

Tablet........................... A small table

Terminal Illness... Getting sick at the airport

Tumor......................... One plus one more

Urine.......................... Opposite of you're out

Lucky Larry's Liturgical Leavings...................
 
However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
 
Don't take yourself so seriously.   No one else does.
 
Believe in miracles.
 
God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.
 
Don't audit life.   Show up and make the most of it now.

That's it for this week from your embedded "Community Organizer" hiding in the outskirts of Absurdia, the principle city of The Peoples Democratic Republic of Absurdistan whose immoral mayor - Miss Sheila Dixon - comes to trial this week for granting favors to her former love interest who is testifying against her.  (No honor among thieves!)

But, on the other hand.............
 
Everyone has beauty but not everyone sees it.   (That's my story and I'm sticking to it!)

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