October 30, 2009
Pushing back the frontiers of the National Socialist Party......
Back when I
was a kid, the two major fears in America revolved around polio and
Communism. Since the first disease was so prevalent and so often fatal
prior to the miraculous cures wrought by Dr. Albert Sabin and Dr. Jonas
Salk, neither of whom managed to garner a Nobel Prize for their heroic
efforts and instead it was given to Obama - a believer in Communism.
Obama today agreed to commit an additional 40,000 troops to help fight
The Nazi Party was "in favor of universal education, guaranteed
employment, increased entitlements for the aged, the expropriation of
land without compensation, the nationalization of industry, the
abolition of market-based lending and the expansion of health
services." Sound familiar?
Marvelous Mary's Meticulous
Once upon a time, there was a little
ghost who wanted to go out haunting for Halloween, but he didn't have
anything to wear. So he went to all the other ghosts to see if he could
borrow a costume. But he had to stay home because nobody gave a sheet.
When I consider how sweaters tend to
make me sweat, I'm a lot less inclined to wear my new windbreaker.
The odds of going to the store for a
loaf of bread and coming out with ONLY a loaf of bread are three billion to
Hypochondriac's headstone epitaph:
"I'm trying to read a book on how to
relax, but I keep falling asleep.
Serious Sarah's Serendipitous Sayings..............
November is... International Drum Month [Just for Richard]
This is Procrastinators Goal Setting Week
November 1 is . . . . . Hominy & Grits Day
November 1 is . . . . . Plan Your Epitaph Day
November 1 is . . . . . Sadie Hawkins Day
November 2 is . . . . . Monarch Butterfly Day
November 2 is . . . . . National Deviled Egg Day [One of MY favorites!]
November 2 is . . . . . National Celibacy Day
November 3 is . . . . . Fat Lady Sings Day
November 3 is . . . . . Sandwich Day
November 3 is . . . . . Cliché Day
November 4 is . . . . . She Sells Seashells Day
November 4 is . . . . . Waiting For The Barbarians Day
November 4 is . . . . . National Chicken Lady Day
November 5 is . . . . . The Truth will Out and Hurt Day
November 6 is . . . . . The Lost Chord Day
November 6 is . . . . . Saxophone Day
November 6 is . . . . . Marooned Without A Compass Day
November 6 is . . . . . National Men Make Dinner Day
November 6 is . . . . . Return Day
November 7 is . . . . . Boy on the Burning Deck Day
November 7 is . . . . . National Bittersweet Chocolate With Almonds Day
November 7 is . . . . . Notary Sojak Day
Happy Hilda's Hilarious Real Headlines...............
Sorry -- It Makes Me A Bit Gassy: "Bag of Cocaine 'Shot Out' of Suspect's
Body at St. Lucie County Gas Station When He Relaxed, Deputies Say" - Fort
Pierce (Fla.) Tribune headline
Yes, Brave Sir Robin Turned About, and Gallantly He Chickened Out: "Anti-War
Dems Ponder Bold Action on Iraq" - Associated Press
What Were His Numbers in 1959?: "Barack Obama Sees Worst Poll Rating Drop in
50 Years" - Daily Telegraph (London)
And He Definitely Can't Walk on Water: "Obama Not Expected to Stop Traffic"
- Advocate (Stamford, CT)
Keep 'Fighting Back,' Mr. President: "Endangered Fox Lives for Another Day"
- Daily News (New York)
He's Not Satisfied With a Sweetheart Mortgage Deal?: "Dodd Wants Immediate
Rate Freeze on Credit Cards" - Associated Press
We Blame Global Warming: "Polar Bear Flock to Move to France" - MSNBC.com
Nothing Gets Past the FDA: "Sugar Cereals Are 'Smart Choices'? FDA Not So
Sure" - Associated Press
Everything Is Quickly Spinning Out of Control: "Kerry Becomes All-Around
Adviser to Obama" - Associated Press
News You Can Use: "Bernanke: U.S. Should Cut Budget Deficit" - Associated
Bottom Story of the Day: "Obama Expresses Frustration at Criticism" -
Party Time Paul's Particular Puns..............
Our family has had many happy outings together. Trips to New York, trips to
Florida, trips all over the country -- each come to mind. However, there
was one December that will always remain as our favorite. That was the time
that we bought that wonderful and very inexpensive camping tent. We will
never forget it. It was the winter of our discount tent
H. J. Heinz has announced the launch of a new corporate Web site. As one
company spokesperson put it, "We were behind other food processing companies
in the race to cyberspace, but the new site allows us to ketchup"
Louis was talking to his friend Max. "There's nothing I wouldn't do for my
Becky," he said, "and there's nothing Becky wouldn't do for me. And that's
how we go through life - doing nothing for each other."
Gentleman Jims' Generic Gems........................
(The Worlds Thinnest Books)
GUIDE TO DATING ETIQUETTE by Mike Tyson
THE AMISH PHONE DIRECTORY
MY PLAN TO FIND THE REAL KILLERS by O. J. Simpson
HOW TO DRINK & DRIVE OVER BRIDGES by Ted Kennedy
MY BOOK OF MORALS by Bill Clinton with introduction by the Rev. Jesse
MY COMPLETE KNOWLEDGE OF MILITARY STRATEGY! By Nancy Pelosi
Simply Suzy's Serendipitous Sayings..................
Recovery Room........ Place to do upholstery
Rectum......................... Nearly killed him
Secretion.................. Hiding something
Seizure....................... Roman Emperor
Tablet........................... A small table
Terminal Illness... Getting sick at the airport
Tumor......................... One plus one more
Urine.......................... Opposite of you're out
Lucky Larry's Liturgical Leavings...................
However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
Believe in miracles.
God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or
Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.
That's it for this week from your embedded "Community Organizer"
hiding in the outskirts of Absurdia, the principle city of The Peoples
Democratic Republic of Absurdistan whose immoral mayor - Miss Sheila Dixon -
comes to trial this week for granting favors to her former love interest who
is testifying against her. (No honor among thieves!)
But, on the other hand.............