November 6, 2009

Pushing back the frontiers of the National Socialist Party......

 
The biggest lie George W. Bush told was that "Islam is a peaceful religion!"  The media has not reported how those peaceful members of that religion are killing Christians all over the mid-east.   And now, that Fort Hood Jihadist has killed 12 and wounded 31 of our best!  Time someone told the TRUTH!
 
That Kenyon born man/child we call our President received the famous "green jacket" for having won the 2010 Masters Tournament.  He certainly has practiced enough!
 
This same week, he also won the 2010 Boston Marathon!
 
President Obama won another Nobel Prize today. This time in medicine for pretending to give up smoking.
 
There is word on the street that he may also have won the 2010 NASCAR championship making him the very first of his race to do so!

Marvelous Mary's Meticulous Marvelings.........................
 
At a high school in Chicago, 115 of the 800 students in the school are pregnant. Apparently their motto is 'Yes We Can!
 
I don't understand people who worry about financial security. I invest in the Lottery Retirement Plan -- and it only costs a dollar!
 
Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect
 
"He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt."
 
I disagree with my psychiatrist's assertion that I'm depressed because I have a serotonin imbalance.  I'm pretty sure the real reason is that my life sucks

Serendipitous Sarah's Stentorious Sayings.....................
 
November is National Georgia Pecan Month
 
This is Pursuit of Happiness Week
 
November 8 is . . . . . If Wishes were Horses Day

November 8 is . . . . . Dunce Day

November 8 is . . . . . Abet and Aid Punsters Day    [My MAIN DAY!]

November 8 is . . . . . Cook Something Bold and Pungent Day

November 8 is . . . . . National Ample Time Day

November 9 is . . . . . Missing Link Day

November 9 is . . . . . Chaos Never Dies Day

November 10 is . . . . . Forget-Me-Not Day

November 12 is . . . . . National Pizza With The Works Except Anchovies Day

November 13 is . . . . . Guy Faulks Day
 
November 13 is . . . . . National Indian Pudding Day

November 14 is . . . . . Loosen Up, Lighten Up Day

November 14 is . . . . . American Teddy Bear Day

Happy Hilda's Hilarious (real) Headlines.................
 
HOLD YOUR TONGUE! "Man Accused of Biting Neighbor on the Mouth" - Macomb (Ga.) Daily headline
 
A Republic, if You Can Keep It: "King: One Year After Obama's Victory" - CNN.com
 
If This Is News, Crime Must Really Be Down: "Burglary Reported in North America" - Daily Register (Harrisburg, IL)
 
Is That Like Being Too Big to Fail?: "Lawyer Says Florida Man Is Too Fat to Kill in New Jersey Murder Case" - ABCNews.com
 
We Still Predict He'll Die: "Revealed: Lockerbie Bomber Defies Doctors' Prediction of Death" - Daily Telegraph (London)
 
Everything Is Spinning Out of Control: "Animals Take Over Downtown Library" - Free Lance-Star (Fredericksburg, VA)
 
News You Can Use: "Feminism Wasn't Meant to Guarantee Happiness" - Arizona Daily Star (Tucson)
 
Redundant Story of the Day: "$900 Billion House Health - Care Reform Bill Likely to Cost More Than $900 Billion" - Reason.com

Partytime Paul's Particular Puns............................
 
Geologists are unpopular because they are fault-finders.
 
Little Gordon's dad had been promising for years that he could have a hunting bow when he turned 12. On his birthday he unwrapped his gift box revealing the long-sought-for bow. Yet Gordon was still disappointed. "But dad, where are the arrows?" His cautious father replied,  "I never promised you arrows The Lautrec miniature slipped from his frame because it was a little Toulouse.
 
A mother was teaching her three-year-old the Lord's prayer. For several evenings at bedtime she repeated it after her mother. One night she said she was ready to solo. The mother listened with pride as she carefully enunciated each word, right up to the end of the prayer. "Lead us not into temptation," she prayed, "but deliver us some E-mail, Amen."

Serious Suzy's Simple Services........................
 
If you eat something and no one sees you eat it, it has no calories.
 
If you drink a diet soda with a candy bar, the calories in the candy bar are cancelled out by the diet soda.
 
When you eat with someone else, calories don't count if you don't eat more than they do.
 
Food used for medicinal purposes NEVER count, such as hot chocolate, brandy, toast and Sara Lee Cheesecake.
 
If you fatten up everyone else around you, then you look thinner.

Ruthy's Reminisces and Imaginary Headlines......................
 
National, Punctuation Day. Gets-Off to a! Bad "Start"
 
Polanski "Just a Regular Guy," Says Woody Allen
 
BLIND WOMAN GETS NEW KIDNEY FROM DAD SHE HASN'T SEEN IN YEARS
 
Pelosi Unveils New Bionic "Death Ray" Eyes During President's Speech
 
"Government Demanding Pregnant Women Form Their Own Labor Union"

Gentleman Jim's Generic Gems.................
 
I  think that part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer browsing history if you die.
 
Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.
 
I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.
 
There is great need for a sarcasm font.
 
How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

Lucky Larry's Liturgical Leavings......................
 
Growing old beats the alternative -- dying young.
 
Your children get only one childhood.
 
All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.
 
Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.
 
If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.

That's it for this week from your embedded community organizer, lurking on the outskirts of Absurdistan, the principle city of The People's Democratic Republic of Absurdistan where, Sheila Dixon, the hand picked successor of the boy Governor goes on trial for stealing donated gift certificates (for the poor children's Christmas) and buying stuff for herself and her family (and being a total slut as well.)

But, on the other hand..............
 
Human beings are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others and are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so.

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