November 6, 2009
Pushing back the frontiers of
the National Socialist Party......
The biggest lie George W. Bush told was
that "Islam is a peaceful religion!" The media has not reported how those
peaceful members of that religion are killing Christians all over the
mid-east. And now, that Fort Hood Jihadist has killed 12 and wounded 31 of
our best! Time someone told the TRUTH!
That Kenyon born man/child we call our
President received the famous "green jacket" for having won the 2010 Masters
Tournament. He certainly has practiced enough!
This same week, he also won the 2010
President Obama won another Nobel Prize
today. This time in medicine for pretending to give up smoking.
There is word on the street that he may
also have won the 2010 NASCAR championship making him the very first of his
race to do so!
Marvelous Mary's Meticulous Marvelings.........................
At a high school in Chicago, 115 of the
800 students in the school are pregnant. Apparently their motto is 'Yes We
I don't understand people who worry
about financial security. I invest in the Lottery Retirement Plan -- and it
only costs a dollar!
Curiosity killed the cat, but for a
while I was a suspect
"He had decided to live forever or die
in the attempt."
I disagree with my psychiatrist's
assertion that I'm depressed because I have a serotonin imbalance. I'm
pretty sure the real reason is that my life sucks
Serendipitous Sarah's Stentorious Sayings.....................
November is National Georgia Pecan Month
This is Pursuit of Happiness Week
November 8 is . . . . . If Wishes were Horses Day
November 8 is . . . . . Dunce Day
November 8 is . . . . . Abet and Aid Punsters Day [My MAIN DAY!]
November 8 is . . . . . Cook Something Bold and Pungent Day
November 8 is . . . . . National Ample Time Day
November 9 is . . . . . Missing Link Day
November 9 is . . . . . Chaos Never Dies Day
November 10 is . . . . . Forget-Me-Not Day
November 12 is . . . . . National Pizza With The Works Except Anchovies Day
November 13 is . . . . . Guy Faulks Day
November 13 is . . . . . National Indian Pudding Day
November 14 is . . . . . Loosen Up, Lighten Up Day
November 14 is . . . . . American Teddy Bear Day
Happy Hilda's Hilarious (real) Headlines.................
HOLD YOUR TONGUE! "Man Accused of Biting Neighbor on the Mouth" - Macomb
(Ga.) Daily headline
A Republic, if You Can Keep It: "King: One Year After Obama's Victory" -
If This Is News, Crime Must Really Be Down: "Burglary Reported in North
America" - Daily Register (Harrisburg, IL)
Is That Like Being Too Big to Fail?: "Lawyer Says Florida Man Is Too Fat to
Kill in New Jersey Murder Case" - ABCNews.com
We Still Predict He'll Die: "Revealed: Lockerbie Bomber Defies Doctors'
Prediction of Death" - Daily Telegraph (London)
Everything Is Spinning Out of Control: "Animals Take Over Downtown Library"
- Free Lance-Star (Fredericksburg, VA)
News You Can Use: "Feminism Wasn't Meant to Guarantee Happiness" - Arizona
Daily Star (Tucson)
Redundant Story of the Day: "$900 Billion House Health - Care Reform Bill
Likely to Cost More Than $900 Billion" - Reason.com
Partytime Paul's Particular Puns............................
Geologists are unpopular because they are fault-finders.
Little Gordon's dad had been promising for years that he could have a
hunting bow when he turned 12. On his birthday he unwrapped his gift box
revealing the long-sought-for bow. Yet Gordon was still disappointed. "But
dad, where are the arrows?" His cautious father replied, "I never promised
you arrows The Lautrec miniature slipped from his frame because it was a
A mother was teaching her three-year-old the Lord's prayer. For several
evenings at bedtime she repeated it after her mother. One night she said she
was ready to solo. The mother listened with pride as she carefully
enunciated each word, right up to the end of the prayer. "Lead us not into
temptation," she prayed, "but deliver us some E-mail, Amen."
Serious Suzy's Simple Services........................
If you eat something and no one sees you eat it, it has no calories.
If you drink a diet soda with a candy bar, the calories in the candy bar are
cancelled out by the diet soda.
When you eat with someone else, calories don't count if you don't eat more
than they do.
Food used for medicinal purposes NEVER count, such as hot chocolate, brandy,
toast and Sara Lee Cheesecake.
If you fatten up everyone else around you, then you look thinner.
Ruthy's Reminisces and Imaginary Headlines......................
National, Punctuation Day. Gets-Off to a! Bad "Start"
Polanski "Just a Regular Guy," Says Woody Allen
BLIND WOMAN GETS NEW KIDNEY FROM DAD SHE HASN'T SEEN IN YEARS
Pelosi Unveils New Bionic "Death Ray" Eyes During President's Speech
"Government Demanding Pregnant Women Form Their Own Labor Union"
Gentleman Jim's Generic Gems.................
I think that part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear
your computer browsing history if you die.
Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize
I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.
There is great need for a sarcasm font.
How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
Lucky Larry's Liturgical Leavings......................
Growing old beats the alternative -- dying young.
Your children get only one childhood.
All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.
Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.
If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab
That's it for this week from your embedded community organizer, lurking on
the outskirts of Absurdistan, the principle city of The People's Democratic
Republic of Absurdistan where, Sheila Dixon, the hand picked
successor of the boy Governor goes on trial for stealing donated gift
certificates (for the poor children's Christmas) and buying stuff for
herself and her family (and being a total slut as well.)
But, on the other hand..............