November 16 is . . . . . Alascattalo Day(About Alaska)
November 16 is . . . . . Eighteenth Century Threshing Day
November 17 is . . . . . John B. Ford Day [For you FC enthusiasts]
November 17 is . . . . . Take A Hike Day
November 17 is . . . . . Coping With Uncertainty Day
November 17 is . . . . . Homemade Bread Day
November 18 is . . . . . Occult Day
November 18 is . . . . . Married To A Scorpio Support Day
November 19 is . . . . . Have A Bad Day Day
November 20 is . . . . . Absurdity Day
November 20 is . . . . . Name Your PC Day
November 21 is . . . . . False Confessions Day
Happy Hilda's Hilarious Real Headlines.........................
Revenge of the Teddy Bear: "Ice-Skating Bear Kills Circus Head" - London
(England) Times headline
We Blame George W. Bush: "Chinese Syphilis Outbreak Blamed on Economic Boom"
- Associated Press
We Blame Global Warming: "Chinese Scientists in Hot Water Over Icy Weather"
- Taipei Times
Breaking News From 1992: "Obama's Honeymoon Is Over" - U.S. News & World
Everything Is Spinning Out of Control: "Olbermann, Hannity Get Along at
World Series" - TVNewser.com
News You Can Use: "Expert: Open Window, Not Phone, if Vehicle Is Under
Water" - Canadian Press
Redundant Story of the Day: "Leaf Pickup Continues for City Streets" -
Worcester (MA) Telegram & Gazette
Headlines I'd Like To See by Al Begonia...................
POLICE BEGIN CAMPAIGN TO RUN DOWN JAYWALKERS
OFFICER SHOOTS MAN WITH KNIFE
BEAUTY QUEEN UNVEILS BUST AT DEDICATION CEREMONY
BLIND BISHOP APPOINTED TO SEE
BEACHES ALL WASHED UP
BAR TRYING TO HELP ALCOHOLIC LAWYERS
BROADCASTERS TO LOOK INTO PLUNGING GOWNS
Gentleman Jim's Generic Gems.......................
Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like
every two hours?
If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?
If you drink Pepsi at work in the Coke factory, will they fire you?
Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?
Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars
to look at things on the ground?
Simply Suzy's Strenuous Stretches....................
Movie related foods (Milk Duds, Buttered Popcorn, Junior Mints, Red Hots,
Tootsie Rolls, etc.) do not have additional calories because they are part
of the entertainment package and not part of one's personal fuel.
Cookie pieces contain no fat--the process of breaking causes fat leakage.
Things licked off knives and spoons have no calories if you are in the
process of preparing something. Examples are peanut butter on a knife making
a sandwich and ice cream on a spoon making a sundae.
Foods that have the same color have the same number of calories. Examples
are: spinach and pistachio ice cream; mushrooms and white chocolate.
Foods that are frozen have no calories because calories are units of heat.
Examples are ice cream, frozen pies, and Popsicles.
Lucky Larry's Liturgical Leavings.....................
Don't let your worries get the best of you; Remember, Moses started out as a
Some people are kind, polite, and sweet-spirited until you try to sit in
Many folks want to serve God, but only as advisers.
It is easier to preach ten sermons than it is to live one.
The good Lord didn't create anything without a purpose, but mosquitoes
That is it for this week from your embedded community organizer lurking
around the Woodbine Beltway, a stones throw from Absurdia,
the principle city of The Peoples Democratic Republic of
Absurdistan where the slutty Mayor, Sheila Dixon
finally comes to trial for stealing donated gift cards from the
poor children of a city that looks more and more like Beirut
every year. Cards donated by Patrick Turner, Ronald
Lipscom (two of our upstanding influence buyers) Baltimore City Housing
and Turner Contracting. But......... The New York
Times writer, Ian Urbina, defended her and feared that "a white person
or a Republican might be named to replace her.
On the other hand................