November 20, 2009

Pushing back the frontiers of the National Socialist Party.....

The "Stupid Party" has finally acknowledged a leader that scares the "Evil Party" to death - Sarah Palin.  Eighteen (18) professional journalists were employed to find discrepancies in her book, "Going Rogue" and they found 6 very minor ones.  If the same 18 had investigated Al Gore's book, they couldn't have found 6 truths!  
Liberals are afraid of smart, beautiful women.
Arrests of illegal aliens are down 50% this year but the government found time to conduct raids on the Gibson guitar factory over their "alleged use of endangered woods!"
Obama is now a one term president.  No true American could possibly vote for him after he gave citizenship rights to Khalid Sheik Mohammad and moved his trial to NYC.  What a circus THAT's going to be.

Merry Mary's Meticulous Malaprops.......................
Just remember - if the world didn't suck, we would all fall off.
When I was 5, I Learned about osmosis - I don't know how, it just came to me
The big problem I have with Monday mornings is they tend to ruin what had been a heretofore promising week.
I'm so far behind, I think I'm ahead.
If your wife wants to learn to drive, don't stand in her way.

Super Sarah's Semi Serious Stutterings....................
November is Cut Your Own Christmas Tree Month
This is National Headache Week
November 22 is . . . .  .Start Your Own Country Day

November 23 is . . . . . National Cashew Day

November 24 is . . . . . Use Even If Seal Is Broken Day

November 25 is . . . . . National Parfait Day
November 26 is . . . . . Shopping Reminder Day

November 26 is . . . . . What Do You Love About America? Day

November 27 is . . . . . Pins And Needles Day

November 28 is . . . . . Make Your Own Head Day

November 28 is . . . . . Buy Nothing Day

November 28 is . . . . . Sinkie Day(Some call it "The Sink Day" when you eat over the sink all the Thanksgiving leftovers.

Perilous Paul's Prodigious Puns..........................
Iowa pig farmers are worried that the mad cow disease may be transmitted to pigs resulting in mad pig disease. In other words, they are worried about the daze of swine neurosis.
What beverage is condemned most venomously by FOX News? Amnes Tea
A steam locomotive passing through Poland one night was running low on coal. The engineer said to his fireman, "We're coming to a town, let's stop and send the porter out to get more coal. Can you see the name of the town on the depot sign?" The fireman replied, "It appears to be Danzig in the dark." And the engineer shouted, "Buy coal, Porter!"

Happy Hilda's Hilarious Headlines....................
WORSE, IT WAS THE WRONG ONE: "One-Legged Suspect Caught with One Stolen Shoe" - AP headline
Be Careful What You Wish For:
    "Pelosi Hopes to Finish Health Bill as 'Christmas Present'"
    "Woman Shocked to See Swastikas on Wrapping Paper" - WESH-TV Web site (Orlando, FL)
Nancy Pelosi Had a Similar Excuse: "Suspected US Serial Killer Blamed Stench on Sausage Factory" - Agence France-Presse
Is There Anything He Can't Do?: "In First Visit to China, Obama Walks a Tightrope" - Associated Press
We Blame Global Warming: "Russian Cruise Ship Carrying 100 Tourists Stuck in Antarctic Ice" -
Questions Nobody Is Asking: "Are Republicans Too Giddy?" -
Everything Is Spinning Out of Control: "Asteroid Passes Just 8,700 Miles From Earth -  With Only 15 Hours Warning" --Daily Mail (London)
Redundant Stories of the Day: "Kerry Warns on Vietnam Parallels" --Boston Globe


Gentleman Jim's Generic Gems................
How come we choose from just two people for President and fifty for Miss America?!

Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway.

If a 911 operator has a heart attack, whom does he/she call?

Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural?

Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet soup?

Sappy Suzy's Semi-Serious Sayings...................
Was  learning cursive really necessary?
Map Quest really needs to start their directions on #5.  Pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.
I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.
Bad decisions make really good stories.

Lucky Larry's Liturgical Leavings...................
When you get to your wit's end, you'll find God lives there.

People are funny; they want the front of the bus, middle of the road, and back of the church.

Opportunity may knock once, but temptation bangs on the front door forever.

Quit griping about your church; if it was perfect, you couldn't belong.

That's it for this week from your embedded community organizer lurking around the Woodbine Beltway just a stone's throw from Absurdia, the principle city of The People's Democratic Republic of Absurdistan where our slutty mayorette is on trial for stealing Christmas gift cards from poor children.   Just another Absurdistan Democrat.

But, on the other hand...............
Don't give up. Moses was once a basket case.

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