November 20, 2009
Pushing back the frontiers of
the National Socialist Party.....
The "Stupid Party" has finally
acknowledged a leader that scares the "Evil Party" to death - Sarah
Palin. Eighteen (18) professional journalists were employed to
find discrepancies in her book, "Going Rogue" and they found 6 very minor
ones. If the same 18 had investigated Al Gore's book, they couldn't have
found 6 truths!
Liberals are afraid of smart,
Arrests of illegal aliens are down 50%
this year but the government found time to conduct raids on the Gibson
guitar factory over their "alleged use of endangered woods!"
Obama is now a one term president. No
true American could possibly vote for him after he gave citizenship rights
to Khalid Sheik Mohammad and moved his trial to NYC. What a circus THAT's
going to be.
Merry Mary's Meticulous Malaprops.......................
Just remember - if the world didn't suck, we would all fall off.
When I was 5, I Learned about osmosis - I don't know how, it just came to me
The big problem I have with Monday mornings is they tend to ruin what had
been a heretofore promising week.
I'm so far behind, I think I'm ahead.
If your wife wants to learn to drive, don't stand in her way.
Super Sarah's Semi Serious Stutterings....................
November is Cut Your Own Christmas Tree Month
This is National Headache Week
November 22 is . . . . .Start Your Own Country Day
November 23 is . . . . . National Cashew Day
November 24 is . . . . . Use Even If Seal Is Broken Day
November 25 is . . . . . National Parfait Day
November 26 is . . . . . Shopping Reminder Day
November 26 is . . . . . What Do You Love About America? Day
November 27 is . . . . . Pins And Needles Day
November 28 is . . . . . Make Your Own Head Day
November 28 is . . . . . Buy Nothing Day
November 28 is . . . . . Sinkie Day(Some call it "The Sink Day" when you eat
over the sink all the Thanksgiving leftovers.
Perilous Paul's Prodigious Puns..........................
Iowa pig farmers are worried that the mad cow disease may be transmitted to
pigs resulting in mad pig disease. In other words, they are worried about
the daze of swine neurosis.
What beverage is condemned most venomously by FOX News? Amnes Tea
A steam locomotive passing through Poland one night was running low on coal.
The engineer said to his fireman, "We're coming to a town, let's stop and
send the porter out to get more coal. Can you see the name of the town on
the depot sign?" The fireman replied, "It appears to be Danzig in the dark."
And the engineer shouted, "Buy coal, Porter!"
Happy Hilda's Hilarious Headlines....................
WORSE, IT WAS THE WRONG ONE: "One-Legged Suspect Caught with One Stolen
Shoe" - AP headline
Be Careful What You Wish For:
"Pelosi Hopes to Finish Health Bill as 'Christmas Present'" -TheHill.com
"Woman Shocked to See Swastikas on Wrapping Paper" - WESH-TV Web site
Nancy Pelosi Had a Similar Excuse: "Suspected US Serial Killer Blamed Stench
on Sausage Factory" - Agence France-Presse
Is There Anything He Can't Do?: "In First Visit to China, Obama Walks a
Tightrope" - Associated Press
We Blame Global Warming: "Russian Cruise Ship Carrying 100 Tourists Stuck in
Antarctic Ice" - FoxNews.com
Questions Nobody Is Asking: "Are Republicans Too Giddy?" - CNN.com
Everything Is Spinning Out of Control: "Asteroid Passes Just 8,700 Miles
From Earth - With Only 15 Hours Warning" --Daily Mail (London)
Redundant Stories of the Day: "Kerry Warns on Vietnam Parallels" --Boston
HEADLINES I'D LIKE TO SEE by DAN DRUFF.................
KIDS MAKE NUTRITIOUS SNACKS
CHEF THROWS HIS HEART INTO HELPING FEED NEEDY
BREAST IMPLANTS SEIZED BY MARSHALS
BAN ON SOLICITING DEAD IN TROTWOOD
ASTRONAUT TAKES BLAME FOR GAS IN SPACECRAFT
Gentleman Jim's Generic Gems................
How come we choose from just two people for President and fifty for Miss
Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you
If a 911 operator has a heart attack, whom does he/she call?
Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural?
Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet soup?
Sappy Suzy's Semi-Serious Sayings...................
Was learning cursive really necessary?
Map Quest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I know
how to get out of my neighborhood.
Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person
I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.
Bad decisions make really good stories.
Lucky Larry's Liturgical Leavings...................
When you get to your wit's end, you'll find God lives there.
People are funny; they want the front of the bus, middle of the road, and
back of the church.
Opportunity may knock once, but temptation bangs on the front door forever.
Quit griping about your church; if it was perfect, you couldn't belong.
That's it for this week from your embedded community organizer
lurking around the Woodbine Beltway just a stone's throw from Absurdia, the
principle city of The People's Democratic Republic of Absurdistan
where our slutty mayorette is on trial for stealing Christmas gift cards
from poor children. Just another Absurdistan Democrat.
But, on the other hand...............