Pushing back the frontiers of ignorance.................
President Barack Obama stunned the country music world today by picking up its highest honor, Country Music Entertainer of the Year.
Marvelous Mary's Miraculous Murmurings......................
I don't like to name-drop or brag, but I've been told by some of the biggest names in show business that I've been part of a great audience.
I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and think, "Well, that's not going to happen."
Why do we say "amen" and not "awomen?" Because we sing "hymns," not "hers."
I am reading a very interesting book about anti-gravity. I just can't put it down
I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
Sappy Sarah's Semi Serious Sayings.......................
This is still International Drum Month
This is Bitter Conversation Week
November 29 is . . . . . Square Dance Day
November 29 is . . . . . Electronic Greetings Day
November 30 is . . . . . Stay At Home Because You're Well Day
December 1 is . . . . . National Pie Day
December 1 is . . . Eat a Red Apple Day
December 2 is . . . National Fritters Day
December 3 is . . . National Roof over Your Head Day
December 4 is . . . Wear Brown Shoes Day
December 4 is . . . Santa's List Day
December 4 is . . . Cookie Day
December 5 is . . . Bathtub Party Day
December 5 is . . . Play Hooky Day
December 5 is . . . National Sacher Torte Day
Happy Hilda's Hilarious Headlines................
SUSPECTS CONSIDERED OUTRAGEOUSLY DANGEROUS: "Half-Million Worth of Feminine Products Stolen" - Conway (Ark.) Log Cabin-Democrat headline
Summer Is on the Way: "NASA Study: Eastern U.S. to Get Hotter" - Associated Press
Take My Wife. Please!: "Romney: Wife Donated to Pro-Choice Group" - TownHall.com
What Would Palestinians Do Without Norway?: "Norway Warns of Risk of Palestinian Civil War" - Financial Times
To Be on the Safe Side, We Still Won't Eat It: "Low Risk to Humans Seen in Animal Feed" - Associated Press
"School Lunch Lures Rodents" - Enterprise (Brockton, MA)
The First Step Is Admitting You Have a Problem: "Nagin Demands State Provide Mental Health Services" - Times-Picayune (New Orleans)
Could It Possibly Get Worse?: "Reuters Trustees Say Sale Won't Hurt Journalism" - The New York Times
No, It's a Different Kind of Wind: "Will We Have Gas During Hurricanes?" - WTSP-TV Web site (Tampa, FL)
News You Can Use: "Stressed Out? Blame Your Parents" - U.S. News & World Report
"Nutter Wins in Democratic Primary" - Philadelphia Inquirer
Headlines Duane Pipe would like to see......................
Blind Woman Gets New Kidney from Dad She Hasn't Seen in Years
Cancer Society Honors Marlboro Man
Nicaragua Sets Goal to Wipe Out Literacy
Autos Killing 110 a Day - Let's Resolve to Do Better
20-Year Friendship Ends at Altar
Teacher Strikes Idle Kids
Pandemic Paul's Particular Puns.................
In Andre Agassi's new autobiography, OPEN, the tennis star confesses that he used crystal meth. He should have titled the book THE AGASSI AND THE ECSTASY.
Every night, the three musicians played string instruments in the symphony orchestra. Unfortunately, the orchestra didn't pay very well so they spent their days trying to make a little money on the side. They used their musical talents, roving city streets and giving impromptu concerts wherever they thought they could make some money from the passersby. They called themselves, "A random act of violins."
Yesterday I accidentally swallowed some food coloring. The doctor says I'm OK, but I feel like I've dyed a little inside
Serenic Suzy's Stereotypical Twitters................
Exhausted .... I'm too tired to answer you right now.
Flatulent .... That question really stinks!
Greedy .... What's in it for me if I tell you?
Hemorrhoids .... You know, this is a real pain in the butt!
Hostility .... If you ask me just one more question, I'll kill you!
Gentleman Jim's Generic Gems...................
(Signs he has seen)
In a Nonsmoking Area: "If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action."
On a Maternity Room door: "Push. Push. Push."
At an Optometrist's Office: "If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place."
On a Taxidermist's window: "We really know our stuff."
On a Fence: "Salesmen welcome! Dog food is expensive!"
Lucky Larry's Liturgical Leavings................
Coincidence is when God chooses to remain anonymous.
Don't put a question mark where God put a period.
Don't wait for 6 strong men to take you to church.
Forbidden fruits create many jams.
God doesn't call the qualified, He qualifies the called.
That's it for this week as I drive around the Woodbine Beltway looking for "Black Friday Specials!" The Peoples Democratic Republic of Abusurdistan continues to lose population as wealthy inhabitants move to more tax friendly states. How is "CHANGE" working out for you?
But, on the other hand............................
Thanksgiving Day comes, by statute, once a year; to the honest man it comes as frequently as the heart of gratitude will allow."