December 18, 2009

Pushing back the frontiers of the National Socialist Party.....


Itís the 20th anniversary of the fall of the Berlin Wall, as important to the 20th Century as the victory over Germany and Japan ó probably more so, since Nazism was not an ideology with hundreds of millions of followers in the West and throughout the Free World that Communism had  The national media celebrates the fall of  Communism with the celebration of Communism.
 
"Socialism is a philosophy of failure, the creed of ignorance, and the gospel of envy; its inherent virtue is the equal sharing of misery."
 
And the laugh/lie of the year "One of the central goals of this administration is restoring fiscal responsibility." --Barack Obama

Merry Mary's Melodic Murmurings...................

Tiger said the fault of the accident was his Escalade. It's typical of a golfer-always blame the caddy.

President Obama's approval rating has hit a new low ó 47 percent according to the latest Gallup poll. But White House press secretary Robert Gibbs said that a "6-year-old with a crayon" could come up with those same poll results. You know, I'll bet it's the same 6-year-old with a crayon that came up with the last budget they came out with

Men are like Computers. Hard to figure out, and never have enough memory.

Men are like Lava lamps. Fun to look at, but not all that bright.

Forget yoga. You can never experience the human body's full range of contortion until you've walked face-first into a spider web.


Serene Sarah's Sappy Sayings.........................

Sarah asked her students to write the words to their favorite Christmas Carols. Here are some of the lines she received.

Deck the Halls with Buddy Holly

We three kings of porridge and tar

On the first day of Christmas my tulip gave to me

Later on we'll perspire, as we dream by the fire.

He's makin a list, chicken and rice.

Noel. Noel, Barney's the king of Israel.

With the jelly toast proclaim

Olive, the other reindeer.

Frosty the Snowman is a ferret elf, I say

Sleep in heavenly peas

In the meadow we can build a snowman, Then pretend that he is sparse and brown

You'll go down in Listerine

Oh, what fun it is to ride with one horse, soap and hay

O come, froggy faithful


Happy Hilda's Hilarious Headlines....................

NOT ALL OF THEM, ANYWAY: "Geek Realizes 'All Hot Girls Aren't Evil'" - Sydney (Australia) Daily Telegraph headline

We Blame Global Warming: "New Yorkers Brave Cold to Protest Freeze" - Arutz Sheva (Israel)

Breaking News From 1933: "Climate Change Fears May Worsen Depression" - MSNBC.com

'Poor' Hardest 'Hit': "'World' Coming to End" - New York Post

The Stimulus Is Working: "Hooker Makes 3Q Profit, Sales Up From 2nd Quarter" - Home Furnishings Business

Everything Is Spinning Out of Control: "Big Bird Gets Talon Caught in DC Metro Escalator" - Associated Press

News You Can Use: "Base Says Grenades Now Safe to Use" - Cape Cod Times (Hyannis, MA)

Redundant Stories of the Day: "Absence of Evidence for a Meteorite Impact Event 13,000 Years Ago" - University of Hawaii at Manoa press release


Headlines Eaton Rite would like to see....................

O.J. Signs Book Deal for "If I Did It" Sequel

Atari Recalls 100,000 Pong Games in CubaNostalgic George

Steinbrenner Fires Billy Martin Again

Part of Kate Gosselin "Still Loves Jon";  Nearly All of Everybody Else Couldn't Give a hoot

Dems Agree "Transparency" Is Really Overrated


Particular Paul's Penurious Puns.....................

Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but when they lit a fire in the craft it sank proving once and for all that YOU CAN'T HAVE YOUR KAYAK AND HEAT IT, TOO.

The Buddhist refused his dentist's Novocain during root canal work?  HE WANTED TO TRANSCEND DENTAL MEDICATION

It is better to have loved a short person and  lost, than never to have loved A TALL.

Worry causes falling hair.  When the going gets tough, the tufts get going.

And a season special:

I like sugar in coffee, although
I'm fine when there's just "Sweet'n'Low"
You may find this funny
I also like honey
I'm quite ambi-dextrose, ya know


Simply Suzy's Slinky Sayings...............
    (and actual newspaper ads)
 
Mixing bowl set designed to please a cook with round bottom for efficient beating.
 
Semi-Annual after-Christmas Sale.
 
And now, the Superstore--unequaled in size, unmatched in variety, unrivaled inconvenience.
 
We will oil your sewing machine and adjust tension in your home for $1.00.

Gentleman Jim's Generic Gems.......................
    (and 9 new "Seasonal Songs")
 
9. "Baracking Around The Christmas Tree"

8. "Silent Blight"

7. "Barack the Halls with Farce and Folly"

6. "Allah want for Christmas is a Money Tree"

5. "Hidden Clause Is Coming To Town"

4. "Do You Fear What I Fear?"

3. "I'm Dreaming of a Half-White Christmas"

2. "You're A Mean One, Mrs. Clinton"

1. "Decry to the World"
Lucky Larry's Liturgical Leanings..............
 
    (Psychological Christmas Songs)
 
PARANOIA - Santa Claus is Coming To Get Me.  
 
PERSONALITY DISORDER - You Better Watch Out, I'm Gonna Cry,  I'm Gonna Pout, then MAYBE I'll tell you why.  
 
OBSESSIVE COMPULSIVE - Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell  Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle  Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell,  Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,  Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell....  
 
BORDERLINE PERSONALITY - Thoughts of Roasting in an Open Fire.  
 
PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE - On the First Day of Christmas My True Love Gave to Me (and then took it all away).
And A Special Treat...................
    (New Hallmark Cards!)
 
"We have been friends for a very long time, what say we call it quits."
 
"I'm so miserable without you, it's almost like you're here."
 
"You are such a good friend that if we were on a sinking ship and there was only one life jacket.... I'd miss you heaps and think of you often."
 
"Your friends and I wanted to do something special for your birthday - so we're having you put to sleep."
 
"Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad!!" (available only in Arkansas & West Va.)
That's it for this week from Absurdia, the principle city of The Peoples Democratic Republic of Absurdistan where the slutty Mayor, Sheila Dixon, although found guilty of stealing from the cities poorest children, refuses to resign and is "busy going about the city's business" of which, there is not much left.

But, on the other hand.................
 
May you have enough happiness to make you sweet, enough trials to make you strong, enough sorrow to keep you human and enough hope to make you happy.

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