December 15, 2009

Pushing back the frontiers of the National Socialist Party...

 
Nothing political this week - just have a Merry Christmas & a Happy New Year

Merry Mary's Melodic Meanderings....................
 
Here's a fun fact: You know how much Christmas wrapping paper is on the average roll? Four inches less than you need.
 
You have the capacity to learn from your mistakes. You will learn a lot today.
Syrupy Sarah's Strategic Similes ....................
 
    Christmas Carols for the Psychiatrically Challenged
 
Schizophrenia: Do You Hear What I Hear?
 
Multiple Personality Disorder: We Three Kings Disoriented Are
 
Dementia: I Think I'll Be Home For Christmas
 
Narcissistic: Hark, the Herald Angels Sing About Me
 
Manic: Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and Stores and Office and Town and Cars and Busses and Trucks and Trees and Fire Hydrants and...
 
Paranoid: Santa Claus Is Coming To Get Me
 
Personality Disorder: You Better Watch Out, I'm Gonna Cry, I'm Gonna Pout, Maybe I'll Tell You Why
 
Depression: Silent Anhedonia, Holy Anhedonia, All Is Flat, All Is Lonely
 
Passive-Aggressive Personality: On The First Day of Christmas My True Love Gave To Me (and then took it all away)
 
Borderline Personality Disorder: Thoughts of Roasting on an Open Fire.

Practical Paul's Primary Puns...................
 
Advice to Christmas Shoppers: Make out your Chopin Liszt early before Debussy season, when you have time to check out Verdi good bargains and can still get gifts Faure good price, not have to Handel large crowds and have time to give Bach things you decide you don't want.
 
If you go shopping early you will surely be baroque, because you can shop at each store Purcell. Yule be saying, "I wish I Haydn't did it, I guess my sin is Grieg". I bought too many 3 Stooges paraphernalia, but I couldn't resist Mozart. Now all I see at the bottom of my checkbook are those big, bad Berlioz. But don't worry, after shopping, yule just say, "Schumann, let's go eat some Mexican crocodile named 'Elgar' and then we can top it off with some Shubert". After which, I can give you a ride home in my station Wagner
 
On Christmas night, two angels appeared. What were their names?  Lo and Behold. The Bible says, "Lo and Behold, the angels, appeared to the shepherds."
 
Santa just got a new reindeer. Guess what its name was: olive. "OLIVE the other reindeer, used to laugh and call him names...

Gentleman Jim's Generic Gems.............
 
To: All Employees
From: Management
Subject: Office conduct during the Christmas season
 
Effective immediately, employees should keep in mind the following guidelines in compliance with FROLIC (the Federal Revelry Office and Leisure Industry Council).
 
1. Running aluminum foil through the paper shredder to make tinsel is discouraged.
 
2. Playing Jingle Bells on the push-button phone is forbidden. (It runs up an incredible long distance bill.)
 
3. Work requests are not to be filed under "Bah humbug."
 
4. Company cars are not to be used to go over the river and through the woods to Grandma's house.
 
5. All fruitcake is to be eaten BEFORE July 25.
 
6. Egg nog will NOT be dispensed in vending machines.
 
In spite of all this, the staff is encouraged to have a Happy Holiday.
Lucky Larry's Liturgical Leavings..................
 
"Christmas waves a magic wand over this world and behold, everything is softer and more beautiful."  ~Norman Vincent Peale
 
"Christmas is the gentlest, loveliest festival of the revolving year and yet, for all that, when it speaks, its voice has strong authority."  ~W.J. Cameron
 
"I will honor Christmas in my heart and try to keep it all the year."  ~Charles Dickens

Seasonal Susie's Serious Sayings...............
 
"True Story of Rudolph"
 
A man named Bob May, depressed and brokenhearted, stared out his drafty apartment window into the chilling December night.
 
His 4-year-old daughter Barbara sat on his lap quietly sobbing. Bobs wife, Evelyn, was dying of cancer.  Little Barbara couldn't understand why her mommy could never come home.  Barbara looked up into her dad's eyes and asked, "Why isn't Mommy just like everybody else's Mommy?" Bob's jaw tightened and his eyes welled with tears.  Her question brought waves of grief, but also of anger.  It had been the story of Bob's life.  Life always had to be different for Bob.
 
Small when he was a kid, Bob was often bullied by other boys. He was too little at the time to compete in sports.  He was often called names he'd rather not remember.  From childhood, Bob was different and never seemed to fit in.  Bob did complete college, married his loving wife and was grateful to get his job as a copywriter at Montgomery Ward during the Great Depression.  Then he was blessed with his little girl.  But it was all short-lived. Evelyn's bout with cancer stripped them of all their savings and now Bob and his daughter were forced to live in a two-room apartment in the Chicago slums.  Evelyn died just days before Christmas in 1938. Bob struggled to give hope to his child, for whom he couldn't even afford to buy a Christmas gift.  But if he couldn't buy a gift, he was determined a make one - a storybook!  Bob had created an animal character in his own mind and told the animal's story to little Barbara to give her comfort and hope.  Again and again Bob told the story, embellishing it more with each telling.  Who was the character?  What was the story all about?  The story Bob May created was his own autobiography in fable form.  The character he created was a misfit outcast like he was.  The name of the character?  A little reindeer named Rudolph, with a big shiny nose.  Bob finished the book just in time to give it to his little girl on Christmas Day.  But the story doesn't end there.
 
The general manager of Montgomery Ward caught wind of the little storybook and offered Bob May a nominal fee to purchase the rights to print the book.  Wards went on to print, Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer and distribute it to children visiting Santa Claus in their stores.  By 1946 Wards had printed and distributed more than six million copies of Rudolph. 
 
That same year, a major publisher wanted to purchase the rights from Wards to print an updated version of the book.  In an unprecedented gesture of kindness, the CEO of Wards returned all rights back to Bob May.  The book became a best seller.

Many toy and marketing deals followed and Bob May, now remarried with a growing family, became wealthy from the story he created to comfort his grieving daughter.  But the story doesn't end there either. Bob's brother-in-law, Johnny Marks, made a song adaptation to Rudolph.  Though the song was turned down by such popular vocalists as Bing Crosby and Dinah Shore , it was recorded by the singing cowboy, Gene Autry.  "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer" was released in 1949 and became a phenomenal success, selling more records than any other Christmas song, with the exception of "White Christmas."
 
The gift of love that Bob May created for his daughter so long ago kept on returning back to bless him again and again.  And Bob May learned the lesson, just like his dear friend Rudolph, that being different isn't so bad.  In fact, being different can be a blessing.

And now, from Absurdia, the principle city of The Peoples Democratic Republic of Absurdistan, something a little different:
 

2010 Contract

 

After serious & cautious consideration... your contract of friendship has been renewed for the New Year 2010!

 
My Wish for You in 2010

May peace break into your home and may thieves come to steal your debts.

May the pockets of your jeans become a magnet for $100 bills.

May love stick to your face like Vaseline and may laughter assault your lips!

May happiness slap you across the face and may your tears be that of joy

May the problems you had, forget your home address!

In simple words ............


May 2010 be the best year
 of your life!!!
 

Merry Christmas

& 
 a Happy New Year!!


But, on the other hand....................

Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle.


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