January 8, 2010

Pushing back the frontiers of the National Socialist Party....

If you have gone through airport security lately, you have been screened more thoroughly than any of Obama's cabinet or czar picks
I don't believe that the stock market is doing all that well.  I believe Federal Reserve and the U.S. government are rigging the stock market,  I can't prove it but something is wrong when the malls & the auto dealerships are empty and manufacturing stocks are rising.  Are they using TARP/other funds to buy equity in companies?
Meteorologists are calling this a record blizzard, which makes sense if you think about it. Republicans always said the Senate would pass healthcare when hell freezes over......
Mark your calendar!  Justice Antonin Scalia announced that the Supreme Court agreed on Tuesday to hear arguments concerning Obama's legal eligibility to  serve as President in a case brought by Leo Donofrio of New Jersey .

Merry Mary's Melodic Murmurings....................
I'm not saying that the customer service in my bank is bad, but I went in the other day and asked the clerk to check my balance. She leaned over and pushed me!"
Authorities were called to a day care center where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.
Experience is the name everyone gives to their mistakes
Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.
Only in America do we have a general in charge of the post office and a secretary in charge of defense.

Serendipitous Sarah's Serenic Sayings...................
This is National Yours, Mine and Ours Month
This is Someday We'll Laugh About This Week
January 10 is...Peculiar People Day  
January 11 is...National Step in a Puddle and Splash Your Friend Day  
January 12 is...Feast of Fabulous Wild Men Day  
January 13 is...National Clean Off Your Desk Day
January 13 is...Stephen Collins Foster Day    (An ancestor of mine!!!)
January 13 is...Make Your Dreams Come True Day
January 13 is...Blame Someone Else Day
January 13 is...Penguin Awareness Day
January 14 is...National Dress Up Your Pet Day  
January 15 is...Champion of the Month Day
January 15 is...Hat Day
January 15 is...Just Do It! - Make a Connection Day
January 16 is...Hot and Spicy Food International Day
January 16 is...Appreciate a Dragon Day
January 16 is...National Fig Newton Day
January 16 is...National Nothing Day
Happy Hilda's Hilarious Headlines.................
NEXT TIME, DON'T OPEN IT: "Woman Opens Letter Telling Her She's Dead" - Lancashire (England) Evening Post headline
Life Imitates the Onion:
"Suicide Bombing a Cry for Help, Vengeance Against the Infidel" -The Onion, April 28, 2004
"Web Posts Suggest Lonely, Depressed Terror Suspect" -Associated Press, Dec. 30, 2009
What Would We Do Without Sources?: "Explosives in Detroit Terror Case Could Have Blown Hole in Airplane, Sources Say" -The Washington Post
Yes We Can: "Obama: We Can't Treat Tax Dollars Like 'Monopoly Money'" - RealClearPolitics.com
We Blame Global Warming: "Earth's Upper Atmosphere Cooling Dramatically" - Space.com
News You Can Use: "Meat May Be the Reason Humans Outlive Apes" - MSNBC.com
Redundant Story of the Year: "Democrats See Greater Role for Government in Health Care" - New York Times Web site
Headlines Mr. Eaton Rite Would Like To See..............
Tiger Named "Player of the Year" and "Player of the Year"
Obama Finally Pushes Stone Up to Top of--- Nope, Down It Goes Again
Charlie Sheen's Boxing Day Celebration Goes Horribly Awry
World Stunned to Learn Nigeria Has Real Banks

Partier Paul's Perilous Puns..................
Two bees met in a field. One said to the other, "How are things going?" "Really bad," said the second bee. "The weather has been cold, wet, and damp, and there aren't any flowers, so I can't make honey." "No problem," said the first bee. "Just fly down five blocks and turn left. Keep going until you see all the cars. There's a Bar Mitzvah going on and there are all kinds of fresh flowers and fresh fruit." "Thanks for the tip," said the second bee, and flew away. A few hours later the two bees ran into each other again. The first bee asked, "How'd it go?" "Great!" said the second bee. "It was everything you said it would be. There was plenty of fruit and, oh, such huge floral arrangements on every table." "Uh, what's that thing on your head?" asked the first bee. "That's my yarmulke," said the second bee. "I didn't want them to think I was a wasp."
I'm not a psychiatrist but I'm fairly certain that the problems which haunted Norman Bates were relatively psycho in some attic.
Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
Simply Susie's Serious Stipulations..........................
2006: I will get my weight down below 180 pounds.

2007: I will follow my new diet religiously until I get below 200 pounds.

2008: I will develop a realistic attitude about my weight.

2009: I will work out 3 days a week.

2010: I will try to drive past a gym at least once a week.
Gentleman Jim's Generic Gems......................
    (Actual Want-Ads)
Girl wanted to assist magician in cutting-off-head
illusion.  Blue Cross and salary.
For Sale. Three canaries of undermined sex.
Get rid of aunts:  Zap does the job in 24 hours.
Christmas sale.  Handmade gifts for the hard-to-find
Lucky Larry's Liturgical Leavings......................
The world is full of willing people, some willing to work, the rest willing to let them.
Isn't it a shame that future generations can't be here to see all the wonderful things we're doing with their money?
It never occurs to some people that there is a big difference between giving advice and lending a hand.
Elections should be held on Christmas. That way, if we don't like who we elect, we can exchange them.
If something goes without saying, let it!

That's it for this week from your embedded community activist, lurking on the edges of the City of Absurdia, located in what's left of the heart of The Peoples Democratic Republic of Absurdistan where the slutty Mayor, Steala Dixon, finally pled out to save her pension and to refrain from running for re-lection for a period of two years.  Quite a deal for a grand theft and perjury!  A deal done by her fellow crooked Democratic lawyers and Legislators.

But, on the other hand................
Depend on the rabbit's foot if you will, but remember it didn't work out very well for the rabbit!

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