January 15, 2010

Pushing back the frontiers of the National Socialist Party.....

It's time to fire "The System Worked" Janet Incompetano and replace her with another version of Elmer Fudd.
President Obama took his family to see the movie "Avatar" in 3-D on New Year's Eve. I guess he wanted to see what success with a huge budget looks like.
For the first time in history, the official White House Christmas card did not mention Christmas or include an offering from the New Testament - How is that "hope and change" working out for you?
And the Stupid Party will have a huge success in Massachusetts this coming week whether they win "Teddy Kennedy's Seat" or not.  Just the closeness in the polls shows how much they are winning by default.
Merry Mary's Melodious Murmurings...................
A new device can turn thoughts into speech.  We already have that.  It's called alcohol.
Never argue with an idiot.  They drag you down to their level then beat you with experience.
I've just started hitting the weights again.  Gotta look good for when I'm strip-searched on my next flight
In school I was never the class clown, but more the class trapeze artist, as I was always being suspended.
I'm a man of my convictions and I has served time for every one of them.

Stupendous Sarah's Serious Sayings................
This is National Oatmeal Month!
This is National No Name Calling Week - you @&8($!
January 17 is...Pig Day 
January 17 is...Judgment Day
January 18 is...Creole Heritage Day    [Just for you. Katie!]
January 18 is...Winnie the Pooh Day
January 18 is...Eagle Days    [Except in Philly]
January 19 is...Penguin Awareness Day
January 20 is...Cheese Day
January 20 is...National Buttercrunch Day 
January 20 is...National Hugging Day
January 21 is...Hat Day
January 21 is...Squirrel Appreciation Day
January 22 is...National Answer Your Cat's Question Day
January 22 is...National Blonde Brownie Day  
January 22 is...National Compliment Day
January 23 is...Snowplow Mailbox Hockey Day
January 23 is...National Pie Day
January 23 is...Rid the World of Fad Diets and Gimmicks Day
January 23 is...Measure Your Feet Day  
January 24 is...National Peanut Day
January 24 is...The Most Depressing Day of the Year
January 24 is... Eskimo Pie Patent Day [a Pittsburgh product]
January 25 is...Opposite Day
January 25 is...Observe The Weather Day    [look out the window, dummy]
January 25 is...A Room of One's Own Day
January 26 is...Fun at Work Day
January 26 is...National Popcorn Day
January 27 is...National Chocolate Cake Day
January 27 is...Bubble Wrap Appreciation Day    [pop one for me]
January 27 is...Thomas Crapper Day  
January 28 is...National Speak Up and Succeed Day
January 28 is...National Kazoo Day
January 28 is...Clash Day
January 28 is...Rattle Snake Round-Up Day  
Happy Hilda's Hilarious Headlines...................
BUSINESS IDEA MAKES A KILLING: "Murder Mystery Dinner Train Runs over Man Lying on Tracks" - Fort Myers (Fla.) News-Press headline
'These Aren't the Droids You're Looking For': "Mind-Reading Systems Could Change Air Security" - Associated Press
We Blame Global Warming:
"Flames Too Hot for Predators" - Canadian Press
"Talks Frozen in Belarus Oil Dispute" - Moscow Times
Climate Scientists Share Data With Anyone - Now That Would Be News: "C.I.A. Is Sharing Data With Climate Scientists" -The New York Times
Comet Eats Sun - Now That Would Be News: "Sun Eats Comet Flying Too Close" - WTVW-TV Web site (Evansville, IN)
Everything Seemingly Is Spinning Out of Control: "Self Destructing Supernova Explosion May Wipe Out Earth" - News.com.au
Redundant Stories of the Day: "Comments by Fox's Brit Hume Upset Some Buddhists" - Associated Press
Headlines Gene Pool would like to see...................
Actor Gary Coleman Hospitalized; May Have Had Diff'rent Stroke
Pants Bomber Edges Out Shoe Bomber for Clothes Bomber of the Decade
Alabama Takes National Championship Trophy Back to the Double-Wide

Pretentious Paul's Perilous Puns......................
She was so happy when she found the location of the nearest London public lavatory that she danced all along the way.  Yes, she skipped to her Loo
Of all the parts of the English language, he likes the noun the best so you could say he is pronoun.
Women have finally found acceptance in virtually every occupation bookkeeping. With all the progress, there's still no accounting for women.
Whether or not to eat mushrooms is a morel issue.

Gentleman Jim's Generic Gems......................
    (and still more of World's Shortest Books)
Things I Did To Deserve The NOBEL PEACE Prize by Barack Obama
Other Black People I've Met While Yauchting by Tiger Woods
Things I L0ve About My Country by Jane Fonda & Cindy Sheehan.   Illustrated by Michael Moore
My Christian Accomplishments & How I Helped After Katrina by Rev Jesse Jackson & Rev Al Sharpton

Lucky Larry's Liturgical Leavings....................
Regular naps prevent old age, especially if you take them while driving.
If you want a new idea, read an old book.
Quick!! Act as if nothing has happened!
If your plan is having no plan, do you have a plan?
I have not yet begun to procrastinate.

That's it for this week from Absurdia, the principle city of The Peoples Democratic Republic of Absurdistan where I have been so busy this week watching the health care debates on CNN just like Obama promised SIX times during the election.
Hot item - Word on the street is that when they started to look into Steala Dixon's finances, they also were hot on the trail of our Boy Governor - O'Smelly.  Apparently Teddy Kennedy stepped in and stopped the investigation.  Now that he is in Hell, who will protect Marty?
But, on the other hand...........
Holding on to anger, resentment and hurt only gives you tense muscles, a headache and a sore jaw from clenching your teeth.  Forgiveness gives you back the laughter and the lightness in your life.

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