January 22, 2010

Pushing back the frontiers of the National Socialist Party...

America's celebrating the first anniversary of Good King Barack the Hopeychanger's reign by electing a Republican? In Massachusetts.
A year into Obama's first term in office, unemployment is higher, the national debt is higher, and there are more soldiers serving in Afghanistan. When asked about it, Obama was like, "Yes, but technically — that is change."
Harry Reid is denying reports that in 2007 he said to Obama: "You should run. You people are good at that.......
I'll bet Michael Steele, the purported leader of the Stupid Party, is lying awake at night trying to figure out how we can mess up the results of the Massachusetts election.
Keep your eye on Jim DeMint, Rep. SC.   He was the only one to put a hold on Obama's TSA appointment (and published Christian hater) and stop him from being hired!
BTW, today is the 37th year anniversary of Roe vs. Wade.  Since then, around 50 million babies have been killed as a result.  50,000,000.  135,000 per year. 3700 per day.

Merry Mary's Melodic Murmurings..................
If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before
If you don't drink, smoke or drive a car, you're a tax evader
Always and never are two words you should always remember never to use
How does that debt counseling service think they're going to convince me they're legit if they won't accept credit cards?
Honk if you love Jesus.   Text while driving if you'd like to meet him.

Serenic Sarah's Stolid Stammerings.........
This is still National Fiber Focus Month
This is National No Name Calling Week    [you no good @%*#]
January 24 is...National Peanut Day
January 24 is...The Most Depressing Day of the Year
January 24 is... Eskimo Pie Day
January 25 is...Opposite Day
January 25 is...Observe The Weather Day
January 25 is...A Room of One's Own Day
January 26 is...Fun at Work Day
January 26 is...National Popcorn Day
January 27 is...National Chocolate Cake Day
January 27 is...Bubble Wrap Appreciation Day
January 27 is...Lewis Carroll Day
January 27 is...Thomas Crapper Day  
January 28 is...National Kazoo Day
January 28 is...Clash Day
January 28 is...Rattle Snake Round-Up Day  
January 29 is...Freethinkers Day
January 29 is...National Puzzle Day
January 29 is...National Cornchip Day
January 29 is...Bubble Wrap Appreciation Day
January 29 is...Freethinkers Day
January 30 is...Inane Answering Message Day
January 30 is...Escape Day
January 31 is...National Backwards Day
January 31 is...Fun at Work Day
January 31 is...National Popcorn Day

Happy Hilda's Hilarious Headlines..................
IN OTHER WORDS, HE'S NORMAL: "Man Opts for Jail over New Year with Relatives" - Reuters headline
We Blame George W. Bush for Tuesday's election:
"Blame Beacon Hill" - Joan Vennochi column, Boston Globe
"Blame Obama" - Jeff Jacoby column, Boston Globe
And You Thought We Were Kidding!: "After Obama Rally, Dems Pin Blame on Bush" - Hotline on Call, NationalJournal.com
Is That the Left Arm or the Far Left Arm?: "President Obama's Political Arm Under Fire" - Politico.com
Maybe a Little Blow When You Could Afford It: "White House Offers Drug Deal" - NationalJournal.com
We Blame Global Warming: "UK Universities Warn That They Face 'Meltdown'" - Associated Press
Questions Nobody Is Asking: "The Big Question: Will a New Bank Fee Help?" - Hill Web site
News of the Tautological: "Democrats Trying to Mollify Unions" - Roll Call
Redundant Story of the Day: "Body Art and Deviant Behavior: Study Finds Link Between Multiple Tattoos, Piercings and Trouble" - Chicago Tribune

Headlines Harry R. M. Pitts would like to see........
City May Impose Mandatory Time For Prostitution
GOP Retakes House and Senate, Returns to Being in Favor of Out-of-Control Spending and Prolonging War
Climate Change Deniers Missing in Cancun Blizzard

Peaceful Paul's Particular Puns.....................
What do you call a woman throwing her bills in the fire? Bernadette
A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two tired.
The Complete Shrimp Cookbook is pure prawnography.

A Jew and a Christian were arguing about the ways of their religion. The Jewish man said, "You people have been taking things from us for thousands of years; The Ten Commandments, for instance." The Christian replied, "Well, it's true that we took the Ten Commandments from you, but you can't actually say that we've kept them

Gentleman Jim's Generic Gems.........................
Verbs has to agree with their subjects.
Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.
And don't start a sentence with a conjunction.
It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.
Avoid clichés like the plague. (They're old hat).
Always avoid annoying alliteration.
Simply Suzanne's Stoic Stutterings..................
Insensitive ....  I don't care if you don't know the answer.
Insomnia .... I stayed awake all last night thinking of the answer.
Intoxicated ....  ** BURP **
Irreverent ....  I swear to God, you ask too many questions!
Laconic…… Yep!

Laconic Larry's Liturgical Leanings....................
    (and popular song titles!)
Johnny Nash--- I Can't See Clearly Now.
Paul Simon--- Fifty Ways to Lose Your Liver
The Commodores--- Once, Twice, Three Times to the Bathroom.
Marvin Gaye--- Heard It Through the Grape Nuts.
Procol Harem--- A Whiter Shade of Hair.
That's it for this week from your embedded community organizer deep in the environs of Absurdia, the principle city of The People's Democratic Republic of Absurdistan where we haven't indicted a single politician for a week or two.  Time to light a fire under our state's investigators.  There is much corruption to clean up in Absurdistan!

But, on the other hand.........
God was sitting in heaven one day when a scientist said to Him, "God, we don't need you anymore. Science has finally figured out a way to create life out of nothing - in other words, we can now do what you did in the beginning." "Oh, is that so? Please explain..." replies God. "Well," says the scientist, "we can take dirt and form it into the likeness of you and breathe life into it, thus creating man." "Well, that's very interesting... show Me." So the scientist bends down to the earth and starts to mold the soil into the shape of a man. "No, no, no..." interrupts God, "You have to use your *own* dirt."

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