February 19, 2010

 

Pushing back the frontiers of the National Socialist Peoples Party……………..

 

News you didn’t hear from NBC, CBS, ABC etc. Five Muslim soldiers were arrested in SC JUST BEFORE CHRISTMAS, for trying to poison the food on the Fort Jackson military base.

 

The ClimateGate jig is up!  BP America, Conoco Phillips, and Caterpillar (among others) have announced their intentions to quit the Climate Action Partnership!  But, just in time the City Council of Cambridge, MA established the Cambridge Climate Congress in 2009 and charged them with recommending actions to combat the "climate emergency" which currently threatens Life As We Know It in America's most intellectual city.

 

And, the Stupid Party is trying to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory.   It’s all part of Michael Steele’s cunning plan………..   And good luck with that!


Marvelous Mary’s Merry Murmurings…………………….

 

The trouble with being punctual is that nobody's there to appreciate it."

 

I'm against animal testing. Especially when their scores are better than mine.

 

Growing old is nothing more than mind over matter; If you don't mind, it doesn't matter

 

"Horse sense"  That sense horses have not to bet on people!

 

What can you say about a society that says that God is dead and Elvis is alive?"


Serendipitous Sarah’s Semi-Serious sayings……………………..

 

February is National Hot Breakfast Month

 

This is National Nostalgia Week “The trouble with our times is that the future is not what it used to be”

 

February 20 is. . . Hoodie Hoo Day    

 

February 21 is. . . Card Reading Day

 

February 22 is. . . Be Humble Day    

 

February 23 is. . . International Dog Biscuit Appreciation Day

 

February 23 is. . . Curling is Cool Day  (Only in Vancouver!)

 

February 24 is. . . National Tortilla Chip Day

 

February 25 is. . . Spay Day USA       [Spay your best friend!]

 

February 26 is. . . National Pistachil Day

 

February 26 is. . . For Pete's Sake Day

 

February 27 is. . . International Polar Bear Day 

 

February 28 is. . . Public Sleeping Day

 

February 28 is. . . National Surf & Turf Day

 

February 28 is. . . Floral Design Day

 

February 29 is. . . National Surf and Turf Day


Happy Hilda’s Hilarious Headlines………………

 

AFTER CONFESSION, BUS TOLD TO SAY TEN HAIL MARYS AND GET AN OIL CHANGE:    "Driver Hit by Catholic School Bus: 'All I Thought Was Holy   (Expletive)'" -  Northwest Florida Daily News headline

 

'Think, Mr. President -- Where Were You When You Last Had It?': "Obama Loses the Country" - Commentary Web site

 

Uh, the Earthquake?: "Haiti Gives Death Toll of 270,000; No Explanation" - Associated Press

 

Step 1: Don't Lie: "Scientists Seek Better Way to Do Climate Report" - Associated Press

 

We Blame Global Warming: "To Succeed, Florida Must Be Cool Again, Economic Leaders Say" - Miami Herald

 

Everything Is Spinning Out of Control: "Snow Shuts Down Federal Government, Life Goes On" - Associated Press

 

Redundant Stories of the Day: "Charges of Hypocrisy, Failure in Stimulus Spending" - St. Louis Post-Dispatch Web site


Headlines I. D. Clare would like to see………..

 

Adult Film Actress Objects to TSA Full-Body Scanners as "Degrading Invasion of Privacy"

 

City Hall Says Flooding In Lowlands Was The Result Of Too Much Water

 

GOP Slams Decision to Release Clinton in New York City

 

Violence Erupts as Westminster Kennel Club, Chinese New Year Celebrants Intersect

 

Kevin Smith Announces Plans to Sue, Eat Southwest Airlines


Party Time Paul’s Particular Puns……………………..

 

Sam and Max were psychologists, and the best of friends.  Sam's practice was based upon the theories of Sigmund Freud, but Max relied more upon the theories of Carl Jung.  One wintry night, as they were walking home from the community college where they had just given a lecture, Sam slipped on the ice and did a swan dive into the sidewalk.  Dazed, he looked up to see his friend regarding him thoughtfully. "Well, what is it?" he snapped.  Max extended his hand and said, "Sorry, but it's just that this is the first time I've actually seen a Freudian slip."

 

No one ever wants to babysit the naughty atom, they always have to keep an ion it

 

I saw a movie last night about a guy who loses his pocket protector, his acne cream, and his Internet girlfriend all at the same time. It was a kind of a Geek tragedy.


Simply Sarah’s Semi-Serious Sayings……………..

 

Senile ....  When I was your age, we couldn't ask these questions.

 

Subjective .... It's all in how you look at the question.

 

Suspicious .... Why are you asking me all these questions?

 

Temperamental .... What the heck do you want to know that for???

 

Verbose …. I'm glad you asked me that question because I have done extensive research into that very issue and am probably the most qualified person you could find to give you an accurate answer to your inquiry.


Gentleman Jim’s Generally Late Gems……………..

      And EXCUSES WHY MEN FORGET VALENTINE'S DAY

 

The Florist couldn't find your house, did you move?

 

I sent a candy gram. Someone must have eaten it.

 

The Hallmark Store was closed, and I didn't want to send less than the best.

 

I sent an e-mail card. You never got it? AOL must have messed up again!

 

I left a message on your answering machine to meet me for dinner.  Where were you?


Lucky Larry’s Liturgical Leavings………………..

 

I try to lose weight, but it keeps finding me.

 

You have a lifetime to work, but children are only young once.

 

A hundred men may make an encampment, but it takes a woman to make a home.

 

A healthy adult bore, consumes each year, one and a half times his weight, in other people's patience.

 

Whenever buying a gift for a couple celebrating their 60th anniversary, buy them something they will use right away.


That’s it for this week from your embedded community organizer, still driving through the snow on the Woodbine Beltway, trying to find the exit for Absurdia, the principle city of The People’s Democratic Republic of Absurdistan where the new Mayor is telling the inhabitants to be patient, spring is coming and the snow removal is proceeding on schedule.  One or the other will get to you – eventually!


But, on the other hand…………….

 

Religion in a family is at once its brightest ornament and its best security


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